He said he is sexually unsatisfied ..

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

just dump him,babe. You deserve a better man

Post # 17
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Hell to the no.  This is going to traumatize you.  Get out. 

Post # 18
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

 

jg88998 :  The guy has serious issues especially when it comes to sex.   You have to know what he is doing is not right at all.   Please dump him, because if you continue being with him and he is hurting you in different ways.  He could take take things further.    Listen to us we know you can do so much better and you deserve someone who will treat you like a queen.

Post # 19
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Doesn’t sound like you are satisfied either, why would you want to live like that?

Post # 20
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee

jg88998 :  A happy sex life is a really important part of a marriage. He isn’t wrong to say it’s a reason to consider not moving forward. 

HOWEVER,

It isn’t your fault. It isn’t something you’re doing wrong. It isn’t something you need to fix. 

You aren’t sexually compatible. And he’s a bully and a jerk for acting like you are unworthy of him because you don’t like rough sex sans foreplay. NEWS FLASH BASICALLY NOBODY LIKES IT.

What concerns me most is that despite what sounds like awful sex and a worse attitude, you still want him to marry you? Don’t you want to have sex you might enjoy ever again? With someone who cares if you enjoy it??

Post # 21
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

This is NOT the right guy for you and NOT a person you should marry! For reference, my friend experiences pain during intercourse with her bf and this is a recurring issue… He is always very careful and considerate! They try to find a solution together. A man who hurts his woman should be worried about her comfort and well-being, not reprimanding her! I say his actions say a lot about who he is as a person… extremely selfish. Dump him ASAP, you can be with someone so much better.

Post # 22
Member
5419 posts
Bee Keeper

jg88998 :  

I thought at first  he was maybe  just  young  and bad at it . Many  guys are, esp if they have ‘learned ‘ from  mates or  movies, or worse, porn. They honestly  believe a woman is going to virtually pass out  with orgamsic delight by their  shoving it roughly in and out a là Khal Drogo before  Danaerys got to him .

Or they  might know /suspect women don’t  like it like that , but they don’t care and do it anyway . I fear  your  bf is this latter sort. But  – if you think he is worth it  and if you  think he is   capable of change and if you think he will not get all bent out of shape and  aggressive  at the suggestion he might be doing it wrong  , I;d have a serious conversation and show him some literature or online   articles etc.  Or even sexual counselling. If . 

Post # 23
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

He says you’re leaving him unsatisfied. Have you told him that he is leaving you not only unsatisfied, but in pain? Dump him and find someone better.

Post # 24
Member
3112 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Wow. Please run for the hills. He hurts you and doesn’t care! And calls you weak when he hurts you, and got mad when you asked to stop… that’s not just immature, it’s disgusting, aggressive and, dare I say it, rapey. And has the gall to complain that he’s not satisfied when he clearly doesn’t care what it’s like for you. I think this is actually a massive deal – but for you not him. You’ve tried to address it and he didn’t change, just cut your losses and go. There will be someone better.

Post # 25
Member
6133 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

jg88998 :  

He is so rough during sex that it’s driven you to tears.  His response to your crying is to call you ‘weak’.

He threw you out of his house because he wasn’t having a good enough time in bed.

Honey, he is sexually abusing you.  This goes way beyond just immaturity.  And he will get worse.  Please do not consider marriage to this creep. He’s horrible.  No normal man pushes through sex while his partner is in pain.

You must leave him.  You don’t have other options.

And, you must get yourself into therapy.  It is not healthy that you have tolerated this kind of abuse—there are reasons for it that have to be uncovered.

Post # 26
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mind automatically wants to ask him questions about his ideas on sex.  I would want to know what kind of porn he watches, specifically if BDSM or rape-type scenarios are favored.  If neither of those rings a bell with him, I would ask if it turns him on to cause women pain during sex–if he likes watching girls get pounded into to the male’s satisfaction as the foremost goal, and maybe even thinking/expecting/hoping that the woman–even though she is in pain–can’t help but to climax because she is so turned on by him and his ‘extra’ masculinity.  I would want to know why he is so dedicated to this method of sex.  Maybe an early partner could only get off with callous behavior in bed, and he formed a taste for it?

Either way, I would tell him that while others may appreciate his style of sex, you think he is bad in bed.  I would just say it that way, bluntly but not tauntingly as he seems to have no problem dishing out cold advice to you.  Ask him if the idea of letting you guide him through what you would prefer, or watching/reading the sort of treatment you want in bed, would interest him to see if you two can become compatible on this front.

And firmly shut him down if he starts complaining about your sex life ever again.  “You want to be satisfied?  Well so do I, and pain is not part of my game, dickhead.”

If he just really gets off on reluctance from women in bed or dominating them to a more sadistic level, then chances are you probably are not going to fix this problem.  If he just wants to believe really badly that he is doing a great job by following the pound-town type of pornos, then their might be a chance to get him to gentle and come around, if he could stop being a prick about it for two seconds. 

Be strong and demanding on this front–it isn’t the usual for men to want to cause pain when it wasn’t agreed upon as a turn-on for both of you, and especially once you’ve mentioned a distaste for it…  Most men would be scared to hurt their women, if not for the woman’s feelings in their own right, but for being accused of mistreatment.  You have a guy with a big time chip on his shoulder about sex, you just might need to understand why if you really want to know if there is any hope in bettering this part of your relationship.

Post # 27
Member
39 posts
Newbee

This is domestic violence and he is bordering on sexual assault. Based on his comments and lack of empathy indicates this is going to continue and get worse.  

In every domestic abuse therenis a patteren of abuse then a “honemoon phase” where the abuser apologizes and does anything they can to gain the victims trust again, once accomplished abuse occurs again. 

Bee please run!!!! He does not love you appropriately nor respect you.  This will continue and probably get a lot worse.   I know its hard to leave but as someone who sees this literally everyday in my profession your life may depend on if you stay or leave one day.   Sending support and hugs.

Post # 28
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

It’s not that you’re just sexually incompatible or that he is immature. He doesnt care about his partner’s pleasure and enjoys inflicting pain. There’s something deeply wrong with him. A sure sign of a sexist, messed up guy is one who gets mad at you for not wanting to have sex or not wanting to have the type of sex he wants. He makes you cry as he hurts you. That’s going to ruin sex for you. Leave him. This isnt remotely normal. 

Post # 29
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

HUGE, HUGE RED FLAGS!  This situation is not only NOT going to get better, it is going to get much worse.  There seems to be a lot of incompability issues between the two of you, not just sexually.  Sex, respect and communication are important parts of a relationship and you two are failing at all of those.  If you stay, this relationship is going to destroy your selfconfidence, and potentially affect future relationships.  There is not future here.  Cut your losses, avoid more drama and emotional/physical abuse, and leave.  There is someone out there that will make you feel beautiful and cherished.  He is not the one.

Post # 30
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Girl, dump him.

He is only concerned with his own needs. This isn’t your fault, but it’s time to move on and find someone you are more compatible with and who will take your feelings/needs seriously.

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