(Closed) He said he was leaving. She ignored him.

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ohhbitty:  I think the woman is brave for walking the line, but it was a risky move that might not have worked in other situations. In many other situations, it would have been a move that let a man continue in bad behavior and potentially ruin, not only her family, but himself.

Also, there are some key elements missing from this discussion. Did they continue to emotionally disclose during this time period? Did they continue to share the same bed? How many people were aware of the situation and in what capacity? The article cites “flaky behavior” and not coming to 4th of July as difficult issues. However, I more wonder what their relationship looked like on a daily basis, or maintenance behaviors.

In other words, “ducking” may work with a child who is having a bad day. Or, in the case of her husband, a few bad months. “Ducking” would not work with a continuously violent child or with someone more irresponsible than this particular individual.


Post # 4
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ohhbitty:  Pretty cool article. I agree, it definitely seemed quite risky, and I definitely don’t think it would turn out that way in every situation, but I’m glad it did for her. And it does make me wonder if more women did that, would it cause a few more similar success stories? Who knows.  But what I do know, that woman is a rock! I don’t know how she handled herself so well, but she is pretty damned awesome.

Post # 5
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I liked the article. I probably would of said I didn’t believe him either, especially after spending over half their lives together. And I would of mentioned the importance of our relationship, our vows, our family.

I do think many (not all) things people do have more to do with themselves than the other person. And sometimes staying out of their way so they can figure their own s*** out is important. People like to take the focus off of themselves when they are hurting and create distractions, and often take things out on the people they love most.

I am glad she gave it a 6 month timeline (on her own that she didn’t share with him).

The author didn’t explain the fathers involvement with the children while he was going through his funk. And I can see how that could have been bad for the kids. But I suppose the father would of acted the same way no matter what, so not throwing a fit about it probably was the better thing to do.

Post # 6
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ohhbitty:  Wow.  Interesting read.  Probably something that I needed to read.

I admire her determination, and strength.  And perhaps maybe if each of us thought about what she did.  Less couples would break up.

Midlife crisis.  They really do exist.  I didn’t think so until this last year.  A lot of those things in that article (minus being rebellious) I am personally dealing with myself.  And my answer is I communicate this with my partner.  I totally get the getting older.  For women I would imagine it is different than it is for men.  But it exsists nonetheless.  For me it has been my hair turning grey, my menstrual cylce being less than cooperative, my skin starting to wrinkle, my energy level dropping off, my kids growing up, and yes even wedding planning.  Lets face it, we all get old.  And we reach a point of questioning our younger day choices.  

And sometimes.  I just need to stop and get away from all of it.  I need to go and find myself, and embrace where my life is now.  It is not easy.  I struggle to accept myself at age 43. 


Post # 7
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

its interesting, but i cant help but wonder how the kids were affected while he basically chose to opt out of the family. it doesnt say to what extent he was involved with them…but missing major celebrations (i think 4th july is a big deal in US?) and staying out till late (i assume after they went to bed) would affect them

this owuldnt be for me honestly. and i reckon while he was “finding himself” in between treating his wife like crap and neglecting his children he was probably playing away with multiple women. i would have to know if he did and if so send him for a full STD screening before i took him back, if i did

if my husband said something like this id ask him to move out for 6 months. i wouldnt reject the idea of a reconciliation out of hand but i wouldnt want him living with me while he worked out what he wanted, and i wouldnt guarentee id be patiently waiting at the end of it

the idea of living with someone i love who lashes out (verbally) and gives ‘merciless jabs’ seems soul destroying honestly

its weird…i read this, and i feel like this should be inspiraitonal. but something inside of me revolts at the very idea of doing it

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