- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Hey bees, I need some advice. I am losing my mind trying to co-ordinate everything for the big day, and my fiancé has not lifted a finger to help. I need some help; I’m so overburdened.
I am working SO hard to get everything set up. When we started wedding planning, he promised he would help out any way he can, and was really enthusiastic about being involved in the wedding. I asked about hiring a planner and he assured me that we didn’t need one – we would balance the workload and be better off for doing it all ourselves. So, I agreed, and started using a wedding planning website to hash out some details.
5 months later I have not succeeded in getting him to help me with anything. Not a thing. A month and a half ago, after he rejected every task I tried to get him to do up to that point, I just threw my hands up and said, “Okay, here’s some tasks I’m leaving on you.” I gave him a list of things I wanted him to do (find an officiant, pick a tailor for the groom/groomsmen suits, etc.) and today NONE OF IT is done. When I asked him if he found an officiant, he said he hadn’t, and asked me if I’d ‘co-ordinate’ for him. Turns out he wanted me to find some, and then he would call them. Uhhh… what’s the point?! The phone calls are the easy part!
I have busted my ass working on this and lately, whenever I try to get his help with even the smallest things, he completely shuts down. I’ve all but given up on getting him to help me, but now I can’t even get an opinion. I ask him to look over our guest list for errors, track down missing addresses I can’t get, tell me what he thinks of a certain shade of orange… he can’t even spare 30 seconds to help me. I am losing my mind.
This feels unfair. The last 5 months has been me running around like a chicken with my head cut off, making appointments with vendors, and all he ever has to do is show up at places, let me do all the talking, and sign on the dotted line. I am starting to second guess the whole thing. It just doesn’t feel like he’s invested in it the way I am. He always has a good excuse for why he doesn’t want to help me today. I am starting to wonder if he is having cold feet and that’s why he isn’t contributing… I’m getting cold feet myself just because of the utter lack of effort he’s putting in! He has plenty of time after work to sit and play video games for hours on end, but can’t find 10 minutes to track down a family member who might have some addresses we’re missing? Why is he being so horribly unhelpful?
Am I being crazy to expect help from my groom, or do I have a right to be mad? I am constantly stressing out over the finer details while he just sits back and watches me fret. He knows I’m stressed out and I need help. Trying to make this all come together by myself is ruining me. Do I confront him, or suck it up?