- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
FI’s friend since childhood is in the military and was stationed oversees when he met his now wife. She’s come to the states with him a few times and she is a beautiful, sweet girl. When he was able to choose where he was to be stationed, he chose to go back near her.
On one of her trips to the states, they decided to get married at the Justice of the Peace, and didn’t tell anyone but his mom and his siblings. FI found out much later through one of these siblings, and it kind of hurt his feelings that his friend didn’t tell him.
They kept the fact that they were already married hidden from her family, while they planned an actual wedding overseas. Eventually they came clean with her parents, but the rest of her family still doesn’t know.
The last time he was here in the states was about 9 months ago. He told Fiance that he wanted him to be a groomsman and that the wedding “would probably be in June 2013″. He also told us that he wanted us to stay for a week and that he was paying for the first 3 nights at the hotel for us. We told him we’d have to see if we can handle that finacially, as well as figuring out if it’s even possible for us to take that time off work since Fiance had literally just started a new job.
A few months go by, and Fiance proposed in December and we started planning our wedding for Sept. 2013. We have been together for 7 years and we want to TTC next year (We’ll both be 30, and I don’t want to wait to late to start TTC), and September was the only date we could get at our venue. FI and I are also starting the home buying process so we can move out of our tiny apartment. Because of these things, we decided that we could not afford to spend over $8,000 and use all of our vacation time to go overseas to his wedding, and we told his friend and said we were very sorry we would not be able to come. (Keep in mind, we never got a set date or an invite or anything.)
FI’s friend got upset that “nobody from home has ever come to see him in the 3 years since he moved there.” As if it’s just that easy to hop on a plane and take a week off from a civilian job. He doesn’t seem to understand that we can’t “take leave” like he can, and we only have a certain alloted amount of vacation time we can use. He told Fiance that “we needed to wait to buy a house and push back our wedding date ” so we could go to his wedding, and that if we couldn’t afford to spend the money to go, then we didn’t need to be getting married and buying a house in the first place.
Ummm…excuse me?!?!? I’m sorry I am not willing to put my life on hold for a year for your overseas wedding. We both feel bad that we cannot go, but his friend just seems more focused on the fact that since a lot of people here in the states can’t go, “it seems like none of us care about him.”