He sat me down and wanted to change the timeline we agreed on.

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
9972 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

How exciting! Keep us posted?

Post # 3
2471 posts
Buzzing bee

I LOVE your story! It reminds me of what the word ROMANCE meant 40-50-100 years ago. 

Cherish each other! Your SO truly sounds like someone special!

Post # 4
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

So excited for you!

I highly recommend James Allen, that’s where my ring is from. You just can’t beat a blown up, magnified video of your diamond and a hassle free online buying experience. If you are picky about specs, you can literally narrow the criteria down to just about anything from price to the type of certification (GIA, EGL, etc). Fiance definitely got the most bang for his buck with James Allen!

Post # 5
374 posts
Helper bee

Love it! He’s right, you should not put your life on hold for someone else’s timeline. What, wait months, a year, for just 1 day of celebration? Why can’t you enjoy a day as well? You won’t be stepping on anyone’s toes, people that are happy want others to be happy as well. If your sister or anyone else takes exception to this, then it will just show that they are selfish. One does not get a year, or two or months, you get a day. Ok, maybe you get a 3-5 days (engagement, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette, rehearsal, and wedding) and that’s for those that want all the frills. Live your life, be happy.

Please respond back to this thread when it does happen. Congratulations! 

Post # 6
2518 posts
Sugar bee

Congratulations, that’s wonderful! My guy also was the one pushing for us to get engaged on the sooner side. When a man wants to marry you, he’ll make it happen. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I also totally agree with him on not worrying about “stepping on anyone’s toes.” This is your life and you can’t make your big decisions based on whether you’ll be “stealing someone’s thunder.” Imagine if, say, Oprah worried about that! Don’t dim your light to make someone else shine brighter – people who are secure and happy aren’t threatened by others’ successes and milestones anyhow. 

Post # 7
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I love this! I think you’ve got a great guy OP. I think most men would have just waited it out. But he clearly wants to be married to you and that’s awesome. Congrats ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 8
70 posts
Worker bee

If you’re both ready, get engaged! Just don’t do it the week of your sisters wedding if you don’t want to upset her. When it comes to your timeline, do what’s right for you not anyone else. My husband and I dated for 8 years before he proposed on my 27th birthday. We were married within 10 months… it was time! He had my engagement ring custom made through a jeweller/gold smith and it was actually more affordable to do it that way vs buying it from a store so maybe look around at local jewellers? Congratulations and enjoy every minute of it! I’ve been married for 5 months and I wish I could do it again!

Post # 10
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

How exciting! I’m thrilled for you! As far as carat size goes it probably really depends on his budget and the style you’re interested in. If his budget is small you’re going to get less in diamonds than if you use moissanite or other stones. If the ring setting is fancy that leaves less money for carat size as well. So I would develop the budget first and then go in person to stores and just try things on. Classy solitaires, fancy halos, sturdy bezels, and make sure you try in different carat sizes so you can see which you prefer on yourself. Don’t listen as much to what you see on here because it may not be realistic for you two at this time. 

I have a .47 diamond from my grandmother that we used since my  then 2.0 carat sapphire wish was not in the cards at the time. I had never tried in 2 carats, just seen it on others and wanted it. But when we went shopping I found it was too big for me and my sweet spot is actually in between 1 carat and 1.5 so that’s what I am aiming for when we do get me the dream ring I always wanted. But I never would have known if I didn’t try stuff on!

I mostly reccomend buying online also but don’t rule out independent jewellers. I found a lovely one near me who while not perfectly price matching comes pretty close on settings and we love the ability to walk in the store. So usually we source our own stones and come to them on the settings and save a decent amount!

Post # 11
2485 posts
Buzzing bee

– You should determine your preferences in the four C categories, if you haven’t already. Do you know your color tolerance? Inclusion tolerance?? 

– Definitely JamesAllen, Whiteflash, and also BrilliantlyEngaged (preferred vendor of the PS crowd)

– As for paying, most vendors only need a relatievly small deposit to “hold your date,” then you pay the rest in installments. Our Venue required half at contract signing, then the balance a month later. Our caterer required $500 to hold, then the balance a month out from wedding. Our DJ, same thing. Our day-of-coordinator, half on signing, balance a few months later.

– As for how much to put toward wedding budget, you two should sit down and decide how much you want to spend on the wedding overall first. That will require some time spent online researching typical costs for the number of guests you want to have and the formality. So you’ll obviously need to discuss guest list estimates and other mutual wants for the wedding first. 

– Regarding wedding budget, the thing that has helped me the MOST is the first template that comes up in Xcel when you search “wedding budget.” It has a pie chart, and you can play around with it to suit your needs. We have help from family, so I created 2 columns for the costs family would pay for – estimated and actual. Then I have a column for what Fi and I pay for, with totals at the bottom. Then I created sheets behind that one for tracking prospective vendors in each category, decor we wanted/needed once we found our venue, day to day itinerary for honeymoon, etc.

– One thing you 2 might do to stay organized with wedding planning is open a joint credit card specifically for wedding expenses ONLY. Then you each pay off your respective amount of the cc balance each month. Fi and I are doing that and it helps with staying organized.

– Fi was also one of those guys who had a faster timeline! We had the initial timeline talk at around 10 months in, and my personal timeline was to be engaged by the 2 year mark, but he said he wanted to get engaged the next summer, at the 1.5 year mark! It was a bit of a shock, but I adjusted quickly! lol

Post # 12
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

yourhandinmine :  Congratulations on your decision to move forward with your plans! I was similarly engaged and married sooner than we had originally planned, but I’m so glad that we didn’t drag our feet ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 14
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

yourhandinmine :  definitely depends on the individual tbh. Our budget was on the lower end at about 2k for ring so that’s why we used the  slightly less than half carat family stone to help lower the price. My husband paid about 1800 for a platinum halo setting with really lovely  .02 carat diamonds in the halo and on the band. If we had purchased the centre stone as well it would’ve cost more like 4500  altogether because of his  need to give me a fancy setting. This is pricy to us because he’s Jr enlisted military and doesn’t have the same budget as an NCO or an officer or someone who works a really good job in the private sector. Their budgets and sounds like yours too, will more likely have more wiggle room than ours did. 

 For comparison, The  bezeled, with engraving and miligraine sapphire i want within the next ten years since the halo e ring he gave me was more to his taste than my own probably will come out to  6kish altogether. These are things to consider for sure.

I thought I saw that you mentioned he has 15k for the wedding? That’s a lovely amount. My wedding itself came out to be about 5k. We had to make a ton of sacrifices but I like what I had overall. So I think if you took 5k for the ring and kept 10k for the rest that would still be pretty good and get you a pretty nice ring depending on what you liked for setting. If you prefer solitaires like me you’ll have more for the centre stone and depending on prices might be able to get a really nice half a carat up to a carat or so. Diamonds on the band will add more to the setting price for sure and you might have to settle for a slightly smaller than one carat ring. The 4c’s and which ones you prioritise also matter. If I was going for a new diamond I would consider it’s cut first. Then carat. Then clarity and then colour since I am not sensitive. Choosing gold over platinum will help price too ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope all this makes sense. I totally ramble x.x 

Post # 15
1056 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with your boyfriend. While I understand your desire to avoid a blowup with your sister, realistically, you are both adults, and that means you get to live your life as you want. Old family dynamics can be hard to shake though.

He’s right that if you wait until September, somebody else in your life might get enaged. Would that mean you should keep waiting?

There’s no guarantee or human right to have your very own engagement day.

Just be a thoughtful person, don’t go announcing “we’re engaged!” at somebody elses party, event, shower, marriage, or funeral. 

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