He says he is not sure what he wants

posted 4 weeks ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
1194 posts
Bumble bee

All it would take would be for someone I’d been with five years to say to me ONE TIME that they didn’t want me and I’d be out.  Like, way out.

I’m sorry bee.

Post # 3
323 posts
Helper bee

Agreed. 5 years and he says that? Nope. 

Post # 4
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yep I’d be outta there. No thanks. 

Post # 5
5235 posts
Bee Keeper

What’s up with all these “men” lately in the thread not being sure what they want after 4-5 years of being together?!? Stop playing mind games and grow a pair of balls! Just say it if you’re not interested in marriage! 

Post # 6
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Get out of there. I think he’s wanting out of the relationship but isn’t mature enough to just tell you that so he’s hiding behind all of this other garbage. You can do better and I think you already know that. 

Post # 7
1911 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry bee, what a gut punch. Unfortunately that’s all I would need to hear to realize it’s over. I’m sure the long distance hasnt helped but it’s not your job to make him happy and you know what? If he’s not sure about you then someone else will be. They won’t need to be convinced that you’re the one.

I’d let him go. I wouldn’t be surprised if, as soon as you end things, he suddenly backpedals because he doesn’t want to actually be alone. You deserve better than someone who is wishy-washy and doesn’t know what he wants. Some guys actually appreciate what they have and know what they want and they act on it! Find someone like that

Post # 8
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
@neverbeenstungbee:  right and be careful taking him back once you cut him off because it’s very very likely he’ll do it again (which happened to me)

Post # 9
937 posts
Busy bee

View original reply

Look, giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, depression can completely sap all the joy that a person once took in the people and things they once loved, so if you need to be sure, I suggest that you strongly suggest to him that he see a therapist. You can even make it a condition of being with him. If he seems open to the idea, give it a few weeks and see if he takes proactive steps to deal with his feelings and gets any more clarity.

Doing this will at least give you peace of mind that you tried and did not just abandon him if he truly was going through a hard time. I’ve not had depression myself, but from everything I have read, it is sheer hell.

Having said all this, you are not responsible for his wellbeing, nor are you obligated to remain in limbo or put your own needs on hold. If he is not willing to work on his issues positively and sincerely or if he pulls away or confirms that he, indeed, does not know if he wants this relationship any more, you owe it to yourself to walk away.

Post # 10
13260 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You don’t have to be there for him if he isn’t all in, for whatever reason. I’d wish him well and tell him to seek help for his problems. 

Post # 11
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

That sucks, Bee, I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I could ever truly recover after being told I’m unwanted by someone who I’d been in a relationship with for five years. 

I think you already know the answer here… this relationship has run its course. He needs to work on himself for the time being. It’s cowardly of him to have uncertainties about the relationship and drag you through this emotional mess. You deserve better, don’t forget that.

Post # 12
545 posts
Busy bee

I hope the OP has returned to read the replies

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