(Closed) He says he will marry me IF…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just tell him you dont mind a long engagement!! It does make sense to wait til your in a good financial situation. oh and stop buying loto tickets lol 

Post # 18
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@KristenGotMarried: Love it! I laughed out loud. 

Post # 19
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should calm down a tad. I dont get how getting engaged can be fun when you are constantly pressuring the guy to ask.

My (now) Fiance told me the same thing a couple of years back. I wasnt prodding him about marriage at all, but on a trip he did give me a special family ring (i dont think he was technically supposed to give it to me until we were married, but talked to his parents about it), and told me that he wanted to marry me, but wanted to be in a different ‘spot’ in life than we were at that time. I am so glad that he waited until he felt it was the right time.

I think you should focus on your time together right now, as BF and Girlfriend. Enjoy life and try to stop thinking that something else needs to happen for you to be happy.

Post # 20
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Atalanta: Hey that is so true!

 

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@VickyAurea: Go to the liquor stores where they have had lotto winners your chances are greater of winning $1-$300, but take someone with you.

Post # 26
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

i’m seriously considering basing accepting a proposal on if he’s willing to compromise and be more smart with his money by openng a savings account instead of just having it all sit in his checking account. it worries me (for our future since we disagree so highly on this topic) that he would rather it sit in his checking account vice a savings account just on the sole fact that measly interest rates really aren’t “worth it”. *FACE PALM* seriously? why do you need $20K sitting in your checking account at ALL TIMES?!

Post # 27
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

side note – he’s told me that he will marry me if i figure out how to make bourbon chicken like they do at the mall food court. LOL

Post # 28
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

@VickyAurea: Your SO sounds like mine and typical of some men. It’s normal for them to be concerned about the financial end of marriage and a life together. I know my SO wants to feel financially secure, stable and able to provide. He is still building his career and is not quite where he wants to be finance wise. Neither am I, although I am fast approaching a “comfortable” state. I totally get his point. However, I just tell him there is no perfect time for anything in life and we will ALWAYS have some sort of debt. There is no reason we have to break the bank on a ring/wedding etc. There really isn’t a way to make someone feel comfortable or ready. I just encourage SO and assure him that we are doing great and we will be fine!

By the way, my SO has also jokingly made similar comments about the $ issue.

Post # 29
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I really hate to put this out there, but I’m guessing it’s why you asked the question.  Is it really the cost of a wedding that’s delaying a proposal?  If it is, that’s totally fine.  Someone with a good financial head on their shoulders isn’t too easy too find.  You might be “winning the lottery” right there. 

Patience is a virtue.  And you can tell him the longer you wait, the more cool things you’re thinking of adding to the reception.  Like you’re going to need him to create a very cool wedding website and help you make 100 tissue pom poms. All in pink.

If it’s not, you might need to reevaluate your relationship.  Some people just don’t want to get married.  If he’s not the marrying type, you need to decide if it’s a deal breaker to you. 

Post # 30
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I’ve personally always seen the money thing as an excuse – it’s a way to postpone the nuptials. Now, this is different if you aren’t living together – but for a couple who is already living together and who can manage those finances, they either need to a.) plan for a less expensive wedding (a very small ceremony and dinner at a restaurant – although not ideal and ‘big’ – really is not that expensive) or b.) continue to wait indefinitely for this big windfall that’s going to pay for a wedding.

Weddings are expensive. For the whole church-and-a-reception type of wedding, plus photographers and decorations, most people wind up paying at least $5,000. And if other relatives aren’t pitching in, that can be very tough for people who don’t make much money. So they’ve either got to plan for a smaller affair, or continue to wait and wait.

I get that men have this idea that it has to be ‘big and amazing,’ but countless times I’ve seen men stick to this ideal of the very, very best even if a bride-to-be insists she doesn’t mind, or even wants, something small. I do see it as a stalling mechanism for him to make sure he’s certain.

But like I said, if you aren’t living together and he wants to make more money first, that could take ages. But I wouldn’t call it unreasonable.

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