(Closed) He says he will propose, but he isn't doing it..why?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think being more wifey or domestic will help. I also don’t think that not having guys’ nights or being independent from you is really a sign either. Nothing wrong with a guy having his own friends and hanging out with them, or apart from you, and this does not make him more or less committed.

I think it is more due to his age, and financial instability. I do think some guys have an idea of how much money they want to be making or to have before they are married. It could also be that he is waiting to surprise you, or is just takig it slow because you are still this side of 30 and he doesn’t see the need to rush.

Post # 5
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anon00:  I think that you’re over thinking the whole “proposal & engagement” topic a bit IMO.        Constant proposal talk can be overwhelming and a turn off to your SO Which may possibly prolong your waiting. I learned this from Darling Husband chatting about our pre-engagement years. If he’s already talking about a future with you then you’re already on track. Because you’re so ready right now doesn’t mean that your SO is at the stage where he’s ready (for instance maybe he’s waiting for a promotion for extra $$$ for a ring and a future. Just hang in there it will happen.

Post # 6
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My SO is super traditional and did NOT want to talk about proposals and marriage until he popped the question. I found this really frustrating (and old-fashioned, especially since nowadays many couples even pick out their rings together!) but at the same time I understand his desire to be in control of this part of our relationship and his wish to surprise me. From the time we first discussed marriage it took him two years to propose. It’s only been three months for you! You need to chill and give him some space. It sounds like he’s serious about proposing but he needs to do it on his terms, and nagging him about it is only going to turn him off. 

Post # 8
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon00:  You don’t really think your SO is like that, do you? Whenever I had my doubts about my Fiance, I reminded myself that I love him and that I know he loves me. I NEVER doubted that we both wanted to spend our lives together – I just had to keep reminding myself that I needed to let him propose the way he wanted. For him he had to keep waiting for “the perfect moment” which ended up taking him two years, but while those two years were frustrating at times I always knew that he WOULD propose.

 

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@anon00:  why would you even think that he is one of those guys when you have both talked about getting married and both agree that it’s in the plans? you say you’re not in a rush, yet you’re being antsy about this. Let it go.

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you are expecting to have him propose at a certain time, why not just propose to him? Otherwise, wait and let it happen.

Post # 11
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@anon00:  It’s probably just his age and finances. Men like to feel like they can take care of themselves and their lady (or man) before taking a big step like this. Pretty sure it dates back to when it was culturally acceptable to hit someone over the head with a club and drag them into a cave.

He’s already indicated that he wants to spend his life with you and he’s been bringing up wedding stuff. I’d say give him a little more time. Set a date in your mind and, if he hasn’t asked by that date, feel free to revisit the topic.

My guy and I have been to jewelry stores three times in the past few weeks (first time was to figure out my ring size), but it was tough to get to this point. He admitted to me last month that the reason he hasn’t asked is because he has no clue what he’s doing (which I think is just completely adorable) and thinking about it was stressing him out (we both have anxiety issues)! Is it possible that your SO is dealing with the same thing?

Post # 14
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@faeriehazel:  +1! Exactly what I’m going through right now! I keep reminding myself how much I love this stubborn, anxiety ridden, perfectionist guy of mine whenever I get frustrated. And then I remember how adorable he looks when he puts his puppy face on and it’s just impossible to stay upset.

Post # 15
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Why can’t he hang out with his friends?  Even when you get married you should still make time for friends.  No one wants to be that couple that is up each other’s butt  24/7 and has no life outside each other, that is kinda sad, esp when yall are both still so young.

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