(Closed) He Says He's "Not Mentally Ready for Marriage"…And That Hurts.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You are still young but I 100% understand how you feel! My husband and I met and started dating at 18 when we started college. We dated for 7 years before getting engaged and got married just before our 8 year anniversary. And we also didn’t live together in those 7 years we dated which sometimes made it feel like we were putting our lives on hold waiting so long to get married. Waiting absolutly sucked sometimes.

I think that a more detailed conversation needs to be had. “Not mentally ready for marriage” isn’t really a clear statement on where he stands. Are there goals he feels he needs to accomplish before marriage? What is he looking for to be “mentally ready”? What’s his general idea of a timeline for your relationship? You need to make sure you are both on the same page and these are questions that you have a right to have answered by him.

Post # 19
Member
7949 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

ask him.  this isn’t the 1800’s anymore.  tell him you want to get married, that you thought it was in your future but you don’t understand what is holding him back.

maybe you can figure it out yourselves, maybe you need some outside help.  no shame in that route.

but it is best if you are on the same page and you can’t get that way unless you have an open and honest dialogue.

Post # 22
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I know it’s hurtful for him to say that, and it’s a bit crushing when things are moving along well in the relationship. If you wouldn’t want to be without him, then don’t leave. He’s not saying it’s not you, he’s being honest where he is at. Don’t let the pressure of your family feel heavy on you either, when it comes to relationships it’s always about the what’s next. Imagine, if you were married, the next question would be what’s next for kids. If you had a child, the next question would be what’s next for another baby. The what next thing is never ending. A great thing to remember, is you have a wonderful relationship with someone and you’re building a life with them. Marriage isn’t an end point, but I can understand the importance and wishes to be married, you deserve that. It’s just timing, there is so much ahead of you, and if this is the person you want by your side, then standing by his side when he is honest, will be good for both of you.

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