Post # 1
That we don’t need to be married. Why fix what isn’t broken. There’s no need to be married. Its just a piece of paper, it means nothing. I don’t believe in it. And my all favorite automatic anger inducing “no babies, no rings” when I ask or anyone else.
We’ve been together since 3/6/10. Have lived together since 7/1/10. Im very impatiently trying to deal with the inevibility that this probably won’t happen, but can’t help but hope. Both our parents divorced this year, but he’s said this before too. He also wants to buy a house this year still unmarried. He doesn’t want to marry, yet doesn’t want me to leave him. I feel like he wants me to give up all my dreams of a husband and family for him
The annoying questions from others are being to just make me sick. I get a rock in my troat and heavy stomach every time. I hear “you’re next, when’s your turn, why doesn’t he etc…. The sad pitying looks I get when he tells them he doesn’t want to marry me drive me insane. I’m seriously contemplating avoiding family xmas because my aunts and grandmother taunting me.
I’m hoping someones been in this situation and can give me some hope or guidance.
Post # 2
but i mean, this is how your feeling!
Feelings are something not to be ignored, if you werent keen on marriage, then ho hum, you guys are great!
If you are keen, he needs to know, tell him that is something that is VERY VERY important to you, and you would like to spend the rest of your life with him, and maybe itts not that important to him, but clearly it is to you, everyone makes compromises in a relationship.
So its up to you if u can get over the fact of never getting married, or sit him down and tell him that marriage is exactly what you want, since its just a ‘piece of paper’ it shouldnt be that big of a deal to him anyway right??
Post # 3
@amerie27 that’s exactly what I’ve told him about about he paper thing. He knows very well that’s what I want.
Post # 4
jamieanne3610: i haven’t been in this situation, but here’s my take on it. he’s telling you exactly who he is and what he wants/doesn’t want out of life. he has told you before that he doesn’t want to marry. you have told him before that you do. so now that both of you know where the other stands, it’s up to y’all to figure out a compromise (courthouse wedding, but not a huge princess day? no legal marriage, but a commitment ceremony?), or end things. whoa harsh, i know. but seriously; if you want a husband (and kids, with that husband) then this is obviously not the relationship for you. but, if you want THIS GUY, then you’ll have to decide if you’d rather be with HIM without a ring, or be without him but with someone who will marry you.
it’s got nothing to do with you personally i don’t think, and i don’t think it’s wrong of him to not want to wed. he’s just told you that it’s not something that’s on his to do list. he has as much right to that feeling as you do to wanting to get married.
Post # 5
If you are 100% sure you want children and he is 100% sure he doesn’t, I would end the relationship. That’s such an insurmountable issue.
Post # 6
well like i said beautiful, either you decide that hes the man for you, you dont need a ring nor a ‘piece of paper’ as he calls it and stay happy being commonlaw.
or tell him its something you have always wanted and you’re feeling this way because you want it to happen.
if he says no, its never going to, then even more thinking needs to come up in the process of what you’re going to do, stay or go.
hugs n love
Post # 7
“I feel like he wants me to give up all my dreams of a husband and family for him” This- have you told him this SPECIFICALLY? I think if he heard this he would hear you, he’s hurting you. My SO and I also got together in 2010 and have been living together since 2012. He still doesn’t think we NEED to get married but he wants to marry me because I want to be married and he wants to keep me.
Put your foot down, he has time between now and your 5 year anniversary to get it together or set you free. It’s BS for you to wait around and make huge financial decisions while still only being his “girlfriend”. Let him know this is absolutely a deal breaker, if he wants you in his future then he needs to put a ring on it.
Post # 8
If it means a lot to you to get married in this lifetime definitely end it.
Post # 9
It seems pretty clear that your dream is to be married with a family. Sit down with him and tell him, this is what I want from my life; I care about you and I want this husband/father/partner to be you, but if you’re not willing to compromise or provide me with the things I need out of this relationship, and want them as much as I do, maybe its not the best fit.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and I wouldn’t blame you if you skipped Christmas and all those annoying prying questions from extended family.
Post # 10
[email protected] I know we each know the others side but I don’t think he’s the kind of person to stay knowing were different (that’s me). He changed the subject when I ask why he doesn’t want to, like he doesn’t have a reason.
I’ve told him I’d like a valid reason for why he doesn’t want to, not just an I don’t know (his favorite saying), for our fifth year anniversary 3/6/15. He’s 29, I’m 24 its time for a grown up no distractions conversation where he can’t ignore me.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Look at it from his perspective- he has everything he wants right now. Why should he change anything when he is happy?
A man who is mature enough to be husband material would answer that question by saying, “My partner’s happiness is even more important than my own. If getting married will help her feel happier, let’s go to the courthouse tomorrow!” A man who is not mature enough to be husband material will answer, “I see no reason to change a thing. I am happy and all is well. She’ll just have to get over it.” Which one sounds like your partner?
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
Have you made marrying you a requirement? Becuase if you have, and he still acting this way you may need to cut your loses and walk away. I was with my DH for 6 years before he proposed. When year 5 came around I knew i had to make my stand and really be prepared to stand by my word. I was clear, “I want to be married, and I would like to be married to you. I will not be here another year without a ring.”
I am not telling you to give that type of ultimatum but be very clear on what you need. If he values you, he’ll get with the program. If not walk away.
Post # 13
lovekiss: hes a combination, hell do pretty much anything else to keep me happy. I’d be happy enough if he’d just promise me its going to happen or tell me why he’s not before I make a decision
Post # 14
geekgirl84: thanks for agreeing! Everyone thinks its mean to avoid family to spare my own feelings. Even thanksgiving at our friends house their parents were asking. Our friends dad told me to stop acting like a wife (cooking cleaning shopping laundry, other things ;), and he’ll realise what he has.
Post # 15
If it’s just a paper thing I don’t see why it wouldn’t be a problem to just run down to the court house and get married?
Also if u want kids and he doesn’t that would be a deal breaker for me.