(Closed) He seemed so interested, then he just lost interest or what?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
593 posts
Busy bee

Just ask him out. 

Post # 3
2261 posts
Buzzing bee

I know your shy (according to your friends anyway) but I would just flat out ask him if anything happened that made him change his mind about you. It seems like he was pretty interested, and you don’t have a relationship with him anyways so you won’t lose anything by asking. Who knows if its something you can clear the air about, and maybe you guys could start again.  

Post # 5
1232 posts
Bumble bee

My thoughts are, if a guy wants to ask a woman out, or pursue a woman in a romantic fashion, he will. You may never know if something happened re: his thoughts/feelings about pursuing you, or even if it had anything to do with you at all. I know that I’ve had an amazing first date with a wonderful guy- never to hear from him again. it happens, and people don’t always know why.

Despite the fact that it’s 2016, I still think that men enjoy the pursuit of women… and some of them (not all, but some) still like to do the chasing. Don’t make yourself too available. If he’s not making a genuine, concerted effort to pursue you, get to know you, date you, etc…. then move on.

I would just let this go.

Post # 6
230 posts
Helper bee

Well done dumping the d/b!

Tinder isn’t the best place for serious relationships, and the guy now doesn’t seem serious.

You shouldn’t ask him out unless you’re extroverted, which you say you’re not.

Don’t ask if anything changed–that would make you look too weak/needy. It’s a better question for an existing relationship.

Being in the same places as him, like the party you mentioned, is a good idea.

Good luck!

Post # 7
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

He’s just not that into you, I’m sorry. If a guy wants to pursue you, he will, regardless of you being shy or whatever. Let it go. 

Post # 8
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

dalia88:  Unfortunately there are no blanket rules about dating that apply to every man, so it’s impossible for any of us to know what he’s thinking. Generally, most men are pretty good at making moves and initiating dates etc. when they are interested in a woman, but there are always a few who are a bit awkward or have their own insecurities/hang-ups/distractions that could get in the way. Since all the vibes he gave out during your date were pretty positive, I wouldn’t know what to think if I were you either.

If you really are keen to get to know him better, reaching out and asking him if he’d like to meet up is absolutely ok. The worst that could happen is that he says he’s not really up for it, in which case at least you won’t be left wondering anymore. If you’re really not comfortable doing that, then I guess you have a good opportunity coming up this Friday to see him and judge the situation in person. If he doesn’t initiate anything there (and you’re not keen to do it yourself) then I would let it go after that. It’s not worth distracting you from other potential matches! 

Whatever happens, don’t let it alter your self esteem. If it turns out he doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you then that just means you guys weren’t quite compatible romantically. There will still be plenty of other men around the corner who want to get to know you better. 

Post # 9
7 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

Next! He is just not that into you. He would pursue you if he was  really interested.  Live life   doing what you like doing and date casually until the right one comes along. You will know when he is the right one because he will be pursuing you and you wont have time to wonder ” is he interested”? Congratulations for getting rid of the  horrible abuser. Stay strong & smile!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  lstamatiades.
Post # 10
392 posts
Helper bee

Ask him out! The worst thing that can happen is that he will say no! If you are interested, let him know … MANY men are not as confident as they appear at asking women out. There is NO shame in showing him that you are interested! And if he isn’t, then you won’t have wasted time on something that isn’t going to lead anywhere.

Good luck 🙂


Post # 11
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

So proud of you for ridding yourself of an abusive partner. That took courage Bee!

Gauge new guy’s vibe at the party on Friday. If the flirtation is still there and you’re feeling up to it, you can ask him out. If you’re not feeling anything you did the first time, then cut your losses and move on.

Plenty of fish in the sea and you’re a great catch! Good luck!

Post # 12
1204 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

TBH, it doesn’t sound like he was interested in you from the get go. Everything he was doing makes me think he was trying to have sex with you– not get into a relationship. People (especially men) go on Tinder for one night stands and no strings sex. Sweet talking is part of the game.

Post # 13
7713 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ugh, playas gonna play. I had a similar thing happen a few years ago. I met a guy through a work function, he asked me out and was coming on really strong. Like on the second date he was saying that him having a dog won’t be an obstacle to staying over at my place in the future because he can get his friend to check on the dog. He went out of town for a day or two and was texting me constantly. He also, after like 2 dates, invited me on an out of town trip with some of his friends that was like 2 months in the future. We were hot and heavy for like one week, and then he more or less ghosted me (well, a very slow fade). He went from initiating everything to initiating nothing and responding in monosyllables when I’d text him.

I was perplexed and kind of upset about it for a few days. It just stings to be rejected ya know? And why the hell was he planning for the future (inviting me on that trip, the comment about his dog, etc) if he had no intention of even dating me for more than a week lol? Makes no damn sense.

Eventually I just kinda faced the music that obvz he was not that into me, and/or maybe there was someone else, who knows. Sucks but not the end of the world. We’d only gone on a few dates, and the more I thought about it, I realized that we didn’t actually click that much. He seemed really interested in learning all about me on the first date, but the more we hung out, the less he seemed to care – he’d ask me questions about myself but seemed to kind of tune out when I’d answer, or not remember basic things about me that I’d already told him. He was the first guy I went out with after my ex, and he was everything my ex wasn’t–older, super responsible, successful career, etc. But I realized I was attracted to the idea of being with this guy–I had no idea what the reality would be since I barely knew him.

It sucks to be rejected–like I wish we could have just hung out a bit more so that I could have been the one to realize he was no good for me and end things, ya know lol? But that’s not the way of life, and really who gives a shit. Not meant to be. 

Moral of story: chin up! Other fish in the pond. If you *really* felt a connection with this guy after your one date with him, then you should put yourself out there and just ask him out. You have nothing to lose you know? If he rejects you, it will sting, but it’s not gonna break your heart. And then you can move on to the next one.

Post # 14
575 posts
Busy bee

In my social circle Tinder is basically just a hook-up app. Seems to me he was just looking for a casual sexual encounter. I’d let it go if I were you. 

Post # 15
1356 posts
Bumble bee

You do realize Tinder is a hookup app right? He was interested in hooking up, not a relationship. I’m guessing once he realized you were looking for different things, he moved onto easier game. I think you should get on match.com or eharmony if you are looking for a relationship.

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