Post # 1
My SI and I have been dating for 7 years. We’d talked a lot about marriage and how it is important to us, but have been waiting for me to graduate from college. We’d talked about the year after, which put us in 2014. All of a sudden, every cousin in the sun decided to get married and we’d been talking about fall.
When one cousin set her date close to where we’d been talking, I started to get worried. He still hadn’t proposed! We were talking about potential locations, just fantasy stuff, when I mentioned a local historic mansion I’d been to as a child. He said he’d like to check it out with me on our lunch break. We went, he loved it as much as I did and to avoid losing it, put down a deposit. We looked at our calendars, and he asked, Nov. *? I said okay, and we put down the deposit. 4 months later, our wedding date is less than 9 months away. We haven’t told people yet because I wanted him to propose first.
There was a problem with the custom ring he had designed and made and now he’s telling me that we’re going to have to tell people the date…just like that!
Am I wrong to expect a proposal? To want one? I refuse to tell him that I want one because I feel if I have to tell him it is basically worthless. I also don’t care if he proposes without a ring, but I don’t want him to propose after we’ve told the world our date! It’s a little “cart before the horse.” HELP!!!
Post # 3
Eh, you’re engaged. I understand why you would want a proposal but not everyone does it. My dad didn’t propose.
Post # 4
Maybe subtly let him know that you don’t need a ring to propose. If he took you out for a nice dinner and then asked you formally, it might make you feel more happy about telling people. Then you can say he’s designed you a ring and it’s being made at the moment.
Honestly, if it’s a big deal to you, you’re going to resent him for not giving you the proposal moment a lot of women dream about – after all, if this guy is the one, it should be the only proposal you’ll ever have, and if that’s important to you and you don’t have it, it could cause issues later on.
Post # 5
@GillyToo: a proposal doesn’t need a ring – he can definitely do a whole proposal and then you can tell people etc and the ring will be done in a few weeks. easy peasy.
Post # 6
@GillyToo: I agree with @somersetdarling: – tell him the proposal moment is important to you, and that he can propose with a $10 piece of costume jewelry while the ring gets custom made.
Post # 7
@GillyToo: You’re already engaged. But if you really want a moment where he asks, you, tell him that you want that. Or propose to HIM and then ask him to reciprocate!
Post # 8
My dad never proposed to my mom and they will have their 40th anniversary this year. You are getting married!
Post # 8
Sorry for the late reply, Bees! It was important to me not to have to tell him as I’d already said something to him about the importance of a proposal as we’ve had a sort of non-traditional progression to our relationship and engagement. That being said, I made another comment to him at an opportune moment that the ring was the least important thing to me about the process, trying to hint to him what’s been discussed here. His response was that he knows how important it is to me and wants to make sure it’s special. I have to let him take the lead, especially since he really is trying to think about what we’d talked about previously. Knowing where his mindset is has been really helpful to me. Thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. <br /><br />As far as proposing to him, based on conversations he’s had in the past, he’d let on that he felt that the proposal was a chance for a guy to show just how much his girlfriend meant to him, so I wanted him to hurry up, but not to take the opportunity away from him.
Post # 9
It sounds like you’re on the right track!