(Closed) he spent more on a bike than on the ring…

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i don’t have any advice for you, just sending out big HUGS. that’s terrible that he didn’t listen to what you wanted, and spent more money on a bike he will probably get sick of in a few years than on the ring you will wear for the rest of your life

Post # 4
Member
14487 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d just be straight and sit him down and talk to him about it again before its too late to return the ring or anything.  And maybe as him why he just brushed you off with upgrading it later.  Honestly, I dont think there’s any point in wasting $3500 on a ring just to upgrade it later.  If you upgrade later to a ct, that’d be what?  Another 6-7k?  Add in the 3500 spent on that one, and that’s about 10k!!  It’ll cost less down the line to just get it right the first time, espeically if you can afford it and wont want to change it again.  I mean, I know it’s supposed to be a gift and all, but let’s be real, if you’re going to marry each other, surely you can talk about such a big puchase openly and come to an understanding or each others point of view and an agreement.

Post # 5
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am sorry that your not happy with your ring.  But I personally did not want a hugely expensive ring.  Mine was $700.  And while you wanted a ring worth more than his bike, I told my Fiance that I did not want a car sitting on my finger.  And your ring is more than the car that I drive.

So I guess its horses for courses.

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@pinkshoes:  I agree. OP, you should talk to him about this before it become a major problem/resentment.

Post # 7
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If you don’t want to come right out and tell him that you are dissappoointed, then use the yellow/white gold think to start it off. Just tell him that you love it but that you really really wanted yellow gold so you just want to get it re-set with another band…. then maybe when you go to the jewelery store,(if you’re ring is a solitaire or doesn’t have diamonds down the band) happen uppon a yellow gold band with diamonds on it that you love. Hope this helps!

Post # 8
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yikes nothing is more frustrating than a man who doesn’t listen to or take into account what your wants are but goes out and satisfys his own. I hope you don’t get bashed for “being ungrateful” by anyone, b/c in all honesty, it sucks to not be listened to whether it’s over something as trivial as weekend plans to something major like an engagement ring. I’d sit his ass down and ask him how he’d have felt to receive a pink motorcycle and see if he can relate…. 

Post # 9
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Johnson in Waiting: I think the biggest concern would be getting the white gold over the yellow gold. I am a white gold wearer myself and I would HATE to wear yellow gold so I can imagine you would feel the same about white, especially if it doesn’t match your other jewellry. I would be upfront and tell him you would like to exchange.

As for the diamond size….well….that one is a bit harder to get around. It was a gift so who are you to dictate what size you get? It’s a horrible situation I know and there is no way you can ask for a bigger diamond without looking like a brat (no offense) what I would do, is lead with the yellow/white gold dilemma, and say you would like to go with him and help pick. THEN you can start looking at bigger diamonds and he should get the hint.

I helped fi with my ring, I secretly really wanted a 1 carat too, but I just couldn’t justify the money even though we make a good income and I still LOVE my .7 carat. At the end of the day, it is a just a ring, and it is from your best friend who you will be spending the rest of your life with….Try not to lose sight of that.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would be really disappointed, and I totally get not wanting to upgrade – I wouldn’t want to either. You should definitely tell him what you are thinking, because this could be very important later on in your relationship, not only because you need to be happy with your ring, but because you need to have an understanding about how you spend your money. I would be so sad to know that his “toy” cost more than my ring. It really has nothing to do with a particular amount of money, it has everything to do with feeling like you are the most important thing. Just be gentle and honest, and you’ll get it all figured out. 

Post # 11
Member
16 posts
Newbee

This is just logistics. Of course a motorcycle is going to cost more than a ring. That doesn’t mean the ring is cheap. The two are just on completely different price scales. 3500 dollars for a ring is a lot and it’s unfortunate it’s not what you wanted. I know that you will have to wear it the rest of your life, but why be too picky? It’s the ring that HE picked out. The ring my fiance got me is gorgeous – not EXACTLY what I wanted – but that didn’t matter to me. What matters is that he picked it out and he got it for me. It’s the sentiment behind it, not the actual rock that matters.

Post # 12
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Bad boyfriend .He should brought a $6000 ring (equal for both ) he’s not fear , talk with him .

Post # 13
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

maybe you could talk to him and just tell him that you really would prefer yellow gold and maybe you can get something different. I agree that the price shouldnt really matter. but if you arent going to be happy with it and its going to bug you, I would definately talk to him about it.

Post # 14
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@sunnylove:  I understand what you’re saying about the “sentiment,” but from the gist of the OP it seems maybe he didn’t put as much thought or sentimental value as he should have. First off, white gold versus yellow is a very easy thing to notice and pick out, it’s not like she wanted something that is difficult to find. Also, I feel you OP, because I’m sure your ring is supposed to be more sentimental than a motorcycle, but then he spent more on it.

I second the PP that suggest to approach the subject with him from the white/yellow gold aspect, then maybe gently suggest that you had imagined a bigger stone.

For what it’s worth, my ring cost less than a quarter of what yours did (just to stave off the people who would like to call me materialistic), but I too would be very upset if I told my SO what I wanted and he didn’t listen, let alone spend more on something that is not nearly as important or special.

Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I think your feeling are totally justified. I would not be happy with a 1/2 carat diamond if I knew that he could afford to go bigger. And the fact that he’s making other big purchases for himself around the same time as your ring just shows that he could have put more $ towards it for you. I would definitely sit him down and let him know how I felt about everything. Start out the conversation on a positive note by being grateful for the ring he purchased, and then bring up the changes that you would like made.

Post # 16
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

To be fair he probably really didn’t know you wanted a bigger rock, and he might have looked at it and thought it was fine. Men don’t get rings like girls do!

Having said that, he bought you white gold when you wanted yellow, so that means he probably wasn’t paying enough attention, or just completely stuffed up.

I know it’s hard but talk to him. Just say outright that you love him but you told him you hated white gold, and that you want a ring that you really love!

Don’t say you want a bigger rock though, that’s just greedy. Perhaps, if you talk to him about it the right way, he might take you back to the shop and let you pick out your own! 🙂

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