(Closed) He takes HER last name?

posted 9 years ago in Names
  • poll: What do you think about a man taking a woman's last name? (See article below first!!!)
    We're doing that! : (4 votes)
    4 %
    We're not doing that, but it's an option we considered! : (13 votes)
    13 %
    We wouldn't do it, but I have no issue with other people doing it. : (65 votes)
    65 %
    I don't think either person should change their name. : (5 votes)
    5 %
    I think it's wrong. I wouldn't do it and no one else should have the option either. : (3 votes)
    3 %
    I have another opinion. : (10 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    It’s too bad that those comments were so negative!  I wish it were more accepted that eithe rparty changed.  I think both should feel free to take whichever name they want, but I am NOT someone who really cares at all about tradition. 

    That said, I’m taking my FI’s last name but we’re BOTH taking my maiden name as a middle.  So both of us will have all four names.  I was so happy with this compromise and with him wanting to take on part of my family history in addition to his. 

    But we were talking about it once and he thinks that a few of his friends will absolutely tease him for doing it.  I felt so bad for him that even though it’s something he really wanted to do, and offered to do on his own, he has a couple good friends that he absolutely knows will give him crap for it.  It’s a shame that it can’t just be equal.

    When we filled out our application for a marriage license the woman at the service desk in the county office even commented.  “Oh you’re taking HER name?  Interesting.  Hm.”  It was totally weird and in a really rude tone.

    And that’s just for him adding a middle name!  Haha.

    Post # 4
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee

    I think it’s the coolest thing ever, expecially the deep thought he put into why he wanted to change his name, but I think it’s something that is going to be different for every person.

    As for the comments, well, they’re the product of our highly gender stereotyped society, and the people making them look extremely foolish in the face of the moving article. It is sad though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    so, are woman not entitled to lineage and family pride???? ughhh! that’s so annoying.

    people need to get off their high horse and realize that just because something is “traditional” does not make it right. i am not saying that it is wrong either. i’m just saying that’s all it is


    a tradition.

    the mr. and i are keeping our own names because we just like our own names. i don’t care if the woman takes a man’s name, vice versa or if neither takes each other’s names or if they decided to swap names, etc. and, let’s not forget when both genders are the same (although that’s a whole other issue).

    my point is, do what you want. do what you feel is right for you. traditions have been created and broken and re-created into something new. traditions do not make you more or less of a person. traditions do not make you more or less committed to your spouse/partner. having the same name does not ensure longevity in a marriage. i hope when i have children, they are living in a more progressive world.

    i just wish people would concentrate on more important things, like “do you love and care for each other?” “do you have the same values and if not, are you willing to work towards your differences?” what’s in a name anyway? a rose is but a rose…..no?

    Post # 6
    Member
    792 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    My friends actually did this. The husband had absolutely no relationship with any of his family and had an abusive and unhappy upbringing. The bride’s family welcomed him with open arms and he was happy to take her last name.

    Post # 7
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    My Fiance and I are wanting very badly to hyphenate, each taking the others last names…so we will be the Smith-Joneses. But the amount of crud I have run into trying to do this has been the most surprising and discouraging thing ever! In the province I live in, you are not legally allowed to hyphenate by marriage, if you want to do that, you both legally have to change your names, which means literally changing everything from your birth record on…NOT what we want. I don’t want to eliminate my maiden name, I want to incorporate it. The reason I was given at vital stats here against hyphenation was that it made thing “too complicated”..um, why should I care if it’s complicated for YOU?!!! If I’m willing to spell it out, why not?!!! So now I’m trying to find a good solution to this, which may be that we each take my maiden name as my middle name and then I assume his last name as my married name. OR I just assume his name, and we are known socially as the “smith-joneses”…but I was so excited about doing the hypen thing OFFICIALLY, with all the paperwork and everything. And the worst part is, HE was really excited about…now he’s kinda sad…but in regards to the original flavor of this post, I’ve actually had nothing but positive responses when we have told people…guess it depends!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1037 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

    I hate when people feel like they have to put down other people’s personal choices.  Who cares?  It doesn’t affect you…so go along on your merry way…haha!  I don’t care if someone else does it…its different for sure, but if that is what the couple wants, that is what they want!

    Post # 9
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    People are so retarded! If he wants to take her last name, how does that mean he’s a pansy or anything? And if the woman doesn’t take her husband’s last name, is she a feminist bia? I mean, really. Gah, so dumb.

    Post # 10
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I have a cousin who took his wife’s last name, in part so he could have the same last name as their daughter (who his wife already had when they met). I think in the family there was some disappointment, especially since he was the only one of 11 grandchildren who would have carried on the family name (my current/maiden name). But I think it’s cool that they did what works for them and applaud anyone who does!

    Post # 11
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Fiance and I have friends who are kinda going through this. She really wants her last name as there aren’t any boys to carry it on and she has had it for over 30 years. He doesn’t seem, and claims to not care. The problem arose when their baby was born (they haven’t set a wedding date yet) and they were set up to name her. Suddenly he wanted the baby to have his last name. I think that has confused the issue since and now they aren’t sure what to do. I have nothing against it either way. If my Fiance wanted to take mine that would be fine, as it is I’m perfectly happy taking his. The only thing I definitely want is ONE last name. It doesn’t really matter where it comes from.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Here is an interesting one.  My girlfriend’s cousin got married and he felt it was wrong for her to change her name.  So they decided to both change their names to a name they hand-picked.  Both of the families were really upset with them because they not only dissed the last name but also didn’t invite them to the wedding.  But they did ask for gifts! Go figure!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    btw. I plan to keep my last name when working.  I co-own a business with my brother.  Just would help in the business world for me.  I plan to use his name in my personal life.

    Post # 14
    Member
    66 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    in pre-Christian times, lineage was traced through women and the mother’s name was used.  this was because one can always be certain of a child’s mother, but you can never be 100% sure who the father is 😉

    Post # 15
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m trying to get my fiance to take my last name (I really, really want our family to have one last name).  I actually like his last name, and don’t mind it with my name – but my last name is my mom’s maiden name, which means a lot to me, and his last name is his dad’s, whom he has no relationship why.  Why should we continue to pass down the name from the side of his family that he doesn’t communicate with?

    Post # 16
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    I did “I have another opinion” because I think to each his/her own and my Fiance is actually considering changing his to mine.  I haven’t decided if I want to take his last name. Part of it’s because of the negativity towards me from FI’s family.  I’m not exactly welcomed.

    I agree Miss Mary Jane, the comments about the article and the comments inside the article where he’d be less than a man, etc. is disgusting pure BS.

    And the mom crying and saying “we need to have a family discussion”….puhleaze.  Get over yourself, woman.

    The topic ‘He takes HER last name?’ is closed to new replies.

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