(Closed) He tells me were only going to be married for 20 years…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would be really upset if my fiance said anything like that to me. It literally makes me cry thinking about something like that. He’s my whole world and thinking about waking up without him next to me, or watching a movie without him right there, makes me tear up. We don’t joke around like that because while we know it’s a reality we don’t want to think about that kind of stuff.

Post # 19
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Fiance says the 70’s are a good age to go. He doesn’t want to be a wrinkly 90 year old man who can barely, if at all, take care of himself. With his family history, and lack thereof because his dad was adopted, I can see him naturally going before me. Which just means I need to love him harder and spend as much time as possible with him.

Post # 20
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@AmeliaBedelia: According the UN data from 2000, there is about a 2.7 year difference between the average age at first marriage for men and women.

Life expectancy in the US from the World Factbook:

male: 75.92 years

female: 80.93 years (2011 est.)



So by your calculations, if he is already 2.7 years older than you are, he would theoretically die 7.7 years before you since he’ll reach 75.92 earlier than you will, and then you’ll still have almost 5 years left. So even if you were the same age, it wouldn’t matter that much. He would have to be ~5 years younger for it to balance out. And of course this is theoretical using averages. Obviously this is not to say about any particular person.

Post # 21
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow! The Stats definitely do put the joke in it’s place.

I wouldn’t want to die before my Fiance. I know that if i were to, then his family will WRINGE HIM ALIVE for every penny he’s got! He is a very nice man, and sometimes I feel he is too naive and can be taken advantage of easily. Cry And add to that the loss of my life, and he can easily be taken to the cleaners by his family.

Our kids will barely get anything. His mom will make him spend it all on his sister (she’s in uni now and dumb as a doorknob!) or herself because she’s separated and would need the support. Ditto for the father. As for our kids, I can already tell that they will likely be independent because I am that way and I will make them that way too. So that will be his family’s counter-argument that they don’t need help so he should help someone who ‘actually’ needs it. (I.e them.) Grr!

Post # 22
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh my husband says things about dying young all the time. I think he’s much more scared of being retired/disabled/bored than he is of dying… because he always says he plans to work until the day he days and he believes he’ll die young. 

I’m the same as you… I tell him: you better not! Of course I also tell him thats why we should have kids… because if he is going to die before I am I need someone to keep me company at the home. He said he’ll build me a robot to keep me company haha. Its morbid but we do joke about it I guess. 

Post # 23
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The FH tells me this all the time, the problem is, it is probably true.  FH works in an industry that the men usually don’t have a great life expentancy. it is alot lower than the average at 57.  He wants to make sure that we have planned for the worst but hope for the best.

Post # 24
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My husband’s family has quite a history of suicides, and he has often wondered aloud if he would ever find himself in a similar frame of mind (if he became sick or senile). I told him if he even thinks about it ever again I’ll strangle him myself and save him the trouble. I hate when he talks about morbid things like that.

Post # 25
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

yes, but for my SO its not always a joke – he’s afraid, after looking at his parents, that he’s going to have a miserable old age and almost WANTS to not have to go through that.  I keep telling him part (most) of their problems ceom from the fact that one is an asthmatic smoker who drinks his dinner, and the other is a diabetic on insulin for her sweet tooth who has now gotten to where she couldn’t exercise even if she wanted to. 

I get a little angry with him when I see him pretty much disregarding his pre-diabetic genetics and binging on sweets and making excuses for not exercising – I’m worried but know that nagging only makes him go the opposite way of what I want him to do.  At least we’re going swimming tonight to do laps. 

Post # 26
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MsBrooklynA: MY Darling Husband makes “jokes” about it as well. He is a painter and breaths in some pretty hefty chemicals…he says he will die young 🙁

Post # 27
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

Fiance is 47. He tells me we’ll be dirty dancing at our 50th Anniversary 🙂

@tksjewelry: FI lost three co-workers three years ago. They blew up. Seriously. Our men are in a very scary field.

Post # 28
7586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Mine constantly jokes about dying early! I hate it. When I start a sentence with something like on our 30th wedding anniversary he’ll always interrupt with you’ll be kneeling at my grave. Stinking terrible.

Post # 29
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012



@SoontobeMrsA: Jesus. I thought my FI’s job was scary. I really hope they live long and full lives. Would it be out of line for me to ask what they do for a living?

Post # 30
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fiance doesn’t but Future Father-In-Law jokes about it all the time and I hate it!!

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