He thinks I don't do enough, but he doesn't know the girl I USED to be.

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
28 posts

There are women who do June Cleaver, work full time and have Kids all without a husband.  They’re goddesses. But let’s face it, I’m not that person not many are

You’ve made progress. Be proud of that. In reading your post though I don’t think it’s your husband’s opinion that is killing you. It sounds like “you expect more of yourself” is that right? 

Post # 3
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have made progress, but you yourself admit you have a ways to go. I’m not so old-fashioned that I believe that housework and cooking are women’s work, but he shouldn’t have to do it after he gets home from work when you are a stay at home girlfriend,by choice.

If you cook dinner only 3 days per week, what do you do to fill your time the other 4 days? Seriously, what would you do to survive if he and his kids weren’t there to pick up the slack?

You can involve the kids with helping to get dinner on the table, but they shouldn’t have to scrounge for their own food. Mealtime can be a great bonding time for families.

Post # 4
532 posts
Busy bee

kisses4levi :  He sounds pretty old-fashioned and not grateful at all.

I was just like you. I lived with my parents and never did anything around the house. I was completely lazy, which I now regret. But then I got married and moved in with my husband. I clean parts of the apartment occasionally, feed and take care of all the cat’s needs (we don’t plan on having children), take out the trash, do the laundry every few days, and sometimes make him a simple meal (he prefers to eat outside). Even though I’m still a student and don’t have a job yet, he doesn’t expect me to be a typical housewife. And I think it’s not right to do so anyway.

He should appreciate you more.

Post # 6
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

How old are these kids who you expect to feed themselves?

If I was you, I’d get a job and tell him that you and he will split the chores/cooking. I hate housework and would not be able to be a housewife. 

If you really want to work on your housewife skills, I’m sure there are blogs and books dedicated to it. Can you ask your mom for advice? Maybe you need some help with some 30-minute meal ideas or something like that. Cooking for 5 is no easy task especially if you haven’t done it before this.  

Post # 8
1983 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

kisses4levi :  I believe that if one partner, male or female, is working less than the other partner or not at all then more household chores should fall on their shoulders. However, I think the sensible things to do, for economic and environmental reasons, is to wait until you have a full lid of washing before putting the washing machine on. Have a couple of dirty socks and shirts in the laundry bin for a few days isn’t going to kill him but that small amount of water saved, if everyone was the same, may mean that if there is a drought in your area that it may be delayed slightly. Or alternatively the it’s less discharge that needs treating (washing machine detergents contain high amount of phosphate which need to be treated before they enter the water environment otherwise it can have a devastating effect on the natural environment). Anyway I’ll get back to the real issue now.

 It is so much easier to keep on top of the housework if you do a little each day. Do it first thing when you come back from school so that the quicker it’s done, the quicker you can do what you want. Try batch cooking some meals, it makes for a longer day but then if you don’t feel like cooking (I think it’s natural to sometimes not want to cook) you can grab something from the freezer.

However, he needs to know what you used to do and the reason behind it. Sure part of it may be that your parents never challenged you to but some of it was also down to mental health problems. Mental health problems don’t just go away permanently, they can come back. Depression, anxiety and agrophobia could all come back again. If a reason that you weren’t helping your parents was down to these issues, he needs to know. More importantly he needs to understand so if you are depressed and not on top of the housework he doesn’t call you lazy because that is not going to help your mental health.

Post # 10
2130 posts
Buzzing bee

The 50’s called, they want your fiance back. 

Unemployed or not, he has no right to get angry at you if you don’t make dinner one night, or if a load of laundry isn’t done every now and then. 

I’m all for modern-day housewives if it suits the couple, but your whole post rubs me the wrong way. You quit your job and moved in for HIM, HE didn’t want you to work… 

Sorry bee but I wouldn’t be marrying anyone with an attitude like that. 

Post # 11
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

kisses4levi :  In that case, they certainly should be involved with mealtime. They can set the table, help prep meals, help clean up, load the dishwasher, etc. 

Are the kids (and boyfriend) cleaning up after themselves in other parts of the house? It’s not fair if they expect you to be their own personal servant. 

I personally expect high schoolers to be able to do their own laundry. If once a week isn’t enough for them, they can throw their own laundry in there.

Maybe you could do more, only you can answer that. However it sounds like you need to talk to boyfriend about this. Each person should clean up after their own mess. Kids should have chores. Boyfriend should also have his own chores. 

Post # 15
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kisses4levi :  Sorry but all I am hearing is excuses. This isn’t a male/female thing this is one spouse works/one doesn’t work thing. Sorry but your job is to keep house. That is the choice you made.

Stop blaming everyone else and take the responsibility for your continued laziness. And then do something about it.

Sure the kids need to do more and be more responsible but they also need a good role model which you currently aren’t being.

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