- 2 years ago
sarahparkview : Absolutely THIS. OP please go back and re-read sarahparkview’s post again. You weren’t LAZY- you were suffering from mental illness to the point where you couldn’t function. And even if you’re doing some things you weren’t before, you’re still struggling to get better.
And yes, you HAVE come a long way- don’t look at the progress you’re still trying to make and beat yourself up- look at the progress you’ve already made and tell yourself you can do this!
It’s not that easy of course, simply telling yourself “I can do this”, you need to continue/ re-start any therapy/ medications that have helped you in the past. You need to stop equating mental illness with laziness. You need to actively participate in a plan to take care of yourself, physically and mentally.
And you need to ask yourself if being a Stay-At-Home Wife is the right fit for you. Now I’m absolutely not criticizing those who choose to be a SAHW/SAHM, this is IMO a choice that should be respected and some women thrive in it. But for others it’s NOT the right fit- and what worries me is that you were already on the path to wellness when you met him- you went from being agoraphobic to entering the workforce and he met you as a co-worker. Now you’re in a new city and he’s at work and his kids are in school and you’re home alone all day and seemingly unhappy. It’s very telling that you describe yourself as ‘unemployed’ rather than a homemaker. You may be someone who thrives in a work environment but becomes depressed being at home all day- turning to the TV and having to push yourself to make dinner 3 nights out of 7 doesn’t sound so much like laziness in your case, but warning signs of a downward spiral back into the reclusive depression you suffered from when you lived with your parents.
Your fiance needs to know the difference between mental health issues and laziness as well. Hopefully you’re in therapy- could he attend a few sessions with you? Can you talk to him and tell him everything you’ve told us in your post? He should want what’s best for you- therapy, possibly outside-the-home employment- not to dissuade you from working so you can be chauffeur to his kids and clean house.
And while I do agree that, under ordinary circumstances, the partner at home should do the bigger share of the cleaning, laundry, meals etc- bigger share doesn’t = all and it sounds to me that there are 5 people in that house and only 1 expected to do anything.
Good luck to you Bee, I know you say your fiance is a great guy but make sure this relationship and situation is a healthy one for you. It sounds like a lot of changes need to be made- and not just by you.