Post # 1
My husband and I just got married. I deposited the cash into my bank and transfered to my ING that we were going to make into a joint account so it could earn interest.
I told my husband and because I didn’t tell him soon enough he is saying he doesn’t trust me with money and that I am HIDING MONEY FROM HIM.
I find this devestating to hear him say this. I have never in my life done anything sneaky. And he is being so cruel and does not remember me telling him it would be our joint account. And it’s just the cash!! not even the checks which is 95% of the wedding gift money!
What can I do?? He is probably going to turn around and tell his parents and his sister whom will then turn around and tell everyone I took their gift money and hid it from him.
Why would he do this to me? Because I didn’t tell him the day before yesterday that I deposited it??
Post # 3
RED FLAG to me about his accusatory behavior. That’s all I’ll say.
Post # 4
@beekiss: I second this…and I don’t know what else to say!
Post # 5
What an bizarre thing for him to suddenly think! I would be absolutely livid if I were in your position. Just tell him, “This is ridiculous. I’ve given you no reason to come to that conclusion and it’s really insulting that you would even think that.” Hopefully he’ll realize what a drama queen he’s being.
Post # 6
@beekiss: Agreed. Serious red flag.
I am an accountant, and my Fiance couldn’t care less about where his money is, so our situation may be slightly unique. However, I have been handling our finances for months, regularly opening new savings accounts and transfering money all over the place from both of our accounts, and he has never had an issue with it. My fiance trusts me, and therefore, he trusts I am doing the right thing with our money.
I don’t know what to tell you about this, except maybe try to make sure he doesn’t start hiding money from you in some sort of retaliation. From the little you told us, he seems like he could do something as immature as that.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to protect yourself just in case.
Post # 7
Was your relatiosnhip previous to marriage all rainbows and unicorn dust or did you have trust issues or any other big problems?
Post # 8
I don’t know what to say. That’s weird. I hope things get better.
Post # 9
I agree with the others, the way he acted is a red flag.
I can understand him being a little uncomfortable though. I totally trust my husband, but I like to be able to see the accounts. He trusts me, and as long as I’m willing to let him know what money is in which account, he doesn’t care if it’s my account or the joint.
It sounds like you need to sit down and discuss finances and how they are going to be handled in general, and not just this one thing.
Post # 10
I don’t think he should care where your money is placed. Both of you have access to the joint account so why does it matter to him? I move money between our accounts constantly and always let Fiance know, but as long as it’s there, he doesn’t care. I would ask him why it upsets him so much, especially since you clearly weren’t hiding money from him.
Post # 11
@Eva Peron: I second this phrasing. Although instead of “rainbows and unicorn dust” I always say “hearts, stars, and butterflies” 😉 — anyway —@yassim: if this kind of behavior was around prior to you getting married, it is probably not going to change. i second all the other bees with a big RED FLAG for possible controlling/abusive behavior.
if this is new, perhaps sit down, talk to him, and explain what you’re feeling. if there are other problems with trust issues, maybe even open the door to a marriage counseling session.
sometimes an outsider can help people see things they might not see themselves.
i hope it gets better for you!
Post # 12
@yassim: wait what? Somethng else must be going on. If youre already afraid he will run off and tell eveyone what you did then I really don’t know what to say…
Post # 13
Yikes. I hope that this is an extremely out-of-character, isolated incident. If not, BRIGHT RED SCREAMING FLAG for controlling/abusive nature.
Post # 14
That account is not a joint account yet. But he does not remember me telling him that I would make it into a joint account.
And he has never accused me of anything like this, this is just crazy. I don’t know what to do. I honestly care more that he will probably tell his mom and sister and they, since they’re the “gossip masters” go and tell everyone I hid money when I didn’t!!! I just want to yell and scream that I did not hide money 🙁 I really didn’t… I just wanted to put it in the account that I was going to make a joint account for our house 🙁
I mean I just think being accused of hiding money is really BAD and it’s like nothing stays between us, I just feel really mortified over being accused of this 🙁
Post # 15
Totally agree w/ pp’s. Huge red flag! And… I’ll probably catch flack from other bees for saying this, but if you haven’t been putting money away, you should probably start now. It sounds like he is leaning toward totally controlling the money himself, which will help him to totally control you.
Post # 16
@yassim: Is he hiding money? People often get overly upset when they’re doing something also…just a thought. I don’t think he should be blabbing your financial matters to his family either. Sounds like a good discussion is in order.