(Closed) He thinks I’m hiding money!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

RED FLAG to me about his accusatory behavior.  That’s all I’ll say.

Post # 4
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@beekiss: I second this…and I don’t know what else to say!

Post # 5
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What an bizarre thing for him to suddenly think! I would be absolutely livid if I were in your position. Just tell him, “This is ridiculous. I’ve given you no reason to come to that conclusion and it’s really insulting that you would even think that.” Hopefully he’ll realize what a drama queen he’s being.

Post # 6
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@beekiss: Agreed. Serious red flag.

I am an accountant, and my Fiance couldn’t care less about where his money is, so our situation may be slightly unique. However, I have been handling our finances for months, regularly opening new savings accounts and transfering money all over the place from both of our accounts, and he has never had an issue with it. My fiance trusts me, and therefore, he trusts I am doing the right thing with our money.

I don’t know what to tell you about this, except maybe try to make sure he doesn’t start hiding money from you in some sort of retaliation. From the little you told us, he seems like he could do something as immature as that.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to protect yourself just in case.

Post # 7
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Was your relatiosnhip previous to marriage all rainbows and unicorn dust or did you have trust issues or any other big problems?


Post # 8
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t know what to say.  That’s weird.  I hope things get better.

Post # 9
10649 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree with the others, the way he acted is a red flag.

I can understand him being a little uncomfortable though.  I totally trust my husband, but I like to be able to see the accounts.  He trusts me, and as long as I’m willing to let him know what money is in which account, he doesn’t care if it’s my account or the joint.

It sounds like you need to sit down and discuss finances and how they are going to be handled in general, and not just this one thing.

Post # 10
2700 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think he should care where your money is placed. Both of you have access to the joint account so why does it matter to him? I move money between our accounts constantly and always let Fiance know, but as long as it’s there, he doesn’t care. I would ask him why it upsets him so much, especially since you clearly weren’t hiding money from him.

Post # 11
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Eva Peron: I second this phrasing. Although instead of “rainbows and unicorn dust” I always say “hearts, stars, and butterflies” ๐Ÿ˜‰ — anyway —@yassim: if this kind of behavior was around prior to you getting married, it is probably not going to change. i second all the other bees with a big RED FLAG for possible controlling/abusive behavior.

if this is new, perhaps sit down, talk to him, and explain what you’re feeling. if there are other problems with trust issues, maybe even open the door to a marriage counseling session.

sometimes an outsider can help people see things they might not see themselves.

i hope it gets better for you!

Post # 12
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@yassim: wait what? Somethng else must be going on. If youre already afraid he will run off and tell eveyone what you did then I really don’t know what to say…

Post # 13
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yikes. I hope that this is an extremely out-of-character, isolated incident. If not, BRIGHT RED SCREAMING FLAG for controlling/abusive nature.

Post # 15
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Totally agree w/ pp’s.  Huge red flag!  And… I’ll probably catch flack from other bees for saying this, but if you haven’t been putting money away, you should probably start now.  It sounds like he is leaning toward totally controlling the money himself, which will help him to totally control you.  

Post # 16
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@yassim:  Is he hiding money?  People often get overly upset when they’re doing something also…just a thought.  I don’t think he should be blabbing your financial matters to his family either.  Sounds like a good discussion is in order.

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