Post # 1
I know I probably shouldn’t be upset, but I don’t take criticism very well as it generally makes me feel so small. I know I take things to personally and I shouldn’t but I just despise being corrected when I don’t feel the need. If I’m out of line, tell me but I don’t know. I guess I was just surprised last night when my Future Father-In-Law corrected me.
The other day we were stuck inside for a snow storm all day long. FI’s brother is in town, doing nothing but being a large pain in the you know where. The ENITRE day of the snow storm FFL and Future Brother-In-Law were making fun of me/picking on me. I’m used to jokes being made about me. It doesn’t bother me THAT much because I know I’m strange so I just deal with it. But when it is all day long, and the same joke, it gets extremely irritating. Finally, I snapped a little and said “seriously I know you don’t think it’s a big deal but if I were to pick on you every day all day I’m sure you wouldn’t be too happy either!” And that was all. I even apologized for snapping.
But then last night, in the car with everyone together, Future Father-In-Law says “I need to talk to you. How about I present a challenge? I’ll stop making fun of you if you stop saying people/things are stupid. If you stop complaining I’ll stop teasing you.” I was surprised because it came out of left field. And he corrected me in front of everyone in the car. I’m doing my best not to say anything he might consider that way but for some reason shouldn’t he just be able to stop making fun of me without a “Deal” having to be made? I may be out of line for some of the things I have said (i.e. calling his dog stupid because I really don’t like her and she’s gross gross gross; calling our school SI dumb because she’s going to close 8 schools, cut the sports and other programs in our district to “try and cut the budget”)
I guess I just needed a moment, but I just felt like I’m sick of being the brunt of jokes. I’m good about handling them generally. I usually laugh along with them. But I’m not going to sit around and beg for sympathy unless I’m being taunted and teased for an entire day or an extended period of time.
Post # 4
the bee keeps eating my posts!
have your fi talk to them NOW. this behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop.
Post # 5
Start using dumb instead of stupid 🙂
Post # 6
@kitzy: I’ll talk to Fiance and tell him that if I feel like he needs to stop he’s going to have to have a conversation with him. Generally I’m ok with a little teasing, it doesn’t bother me because I know some of the things I do are funny. Fiance laughs at me and if he’s out of line I tell him but I usually laugh with him because he’s right, what I just did was hilarious. But if I asked them to stop the joke then I feel like my request should be heard.
Post # 7
Not OK and I think you know that.
Post # 8
@SweetRose2011: BAH. I probably would have either cried or slapped him if someone said that to me (depending on my mood, lol). I am so over-sensitive and absolutely cannot take a joke at all.
I am so, so sorry you’re having to deal with this! NOT fair.. you are being punished and made fun of for stating your opinion? That’s crap.
If it continues, you definitely need to have a serious conversation about it. If you think it’s a one time thing and won’t happen again in the future really, I’d just try & brush it off.
Post # 9
From your post it seems like you live with your in laws? If that’s the case I really think you should try to change that. It’s hard enough sharing space with your spouse. Living with your in laws is going to cause unneeded tension like this because you have to be around each other constantly.
Post # 10
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. What the heck! Do they tease each other like that too? Is it their way of ‘good fun’.
Even if it is – it doesn’t make it right. ESPECIALLY when you asked them to stop.
I think I would go back to him, and say: I thought about what you said in the car. Your teasing remarks are very upsetting and I’d appreciate you stop, without any stipulations. If you find that I’m complaining too much, I’d appreciate you pull me aside in confidence and point it out to me.
What does your Fiance think of all of this?
Post # 11
Ew. I’m trying to grasp what your Fiance makes fun of you for – is it because you complain a lot? And I’m guessing he is tired of it? I don’t think that means he can make fun of you though. If I were you I’d distance myself and just say that you really don’t like him when he acts like that and it makes u not want to be around him.
Post # 12
It seems like he’s being pretty immature. Obviously some of the things you say bother him, but rather than telling you that they bother him he thinks he can “correct” what he considers to be undesirable behavior by teasing you. I think it is probably his way of “hinting” that you should stop doing whatever it is that you do to annoy him. Regardless, it was pretty mean of him to say that to you in front of other people.
What are the odds that you and your Fiance could move out of his house? I think that being around someone who you clash with all the time is probably very stressful 🙁
Post # 13
Woops – I just realized this was Future Father-In-Law doing the teasing not Fiance. Your Fiance needs to stand up for you.
Post # 14
Agreeing to stop verbally abusing someone in exchange for something else is NOT the right way to do things. If he wanted a positive change from you, he should have sat down and said, “I feel that you would be happier if…” and made it a productive conversation. Now he’s simply holding you hostage – i.e., the abuse continues unless he gets what he wants. THAT IS NOT OK.
Post # 15
@oracle: when I told Fiance about the conversation in the car last night (he wasn’t with us) he thought I was sleeping (I had fallen asleep and was half asleep when I told him). I told him again this morning and he didn’t say anything but he generally internalizes what I say about his parents and stands up to me when the time is right.
@Moose1209: yes, we do live with them. We moved in with his family in Aug due to him quitting work to go back to school and them offering to have us move in with them. I usually don’t mind them but being in such a small space makes me want to scream sometimes. Unfortunately we won’t be moving out until after the wedding to save money.
Post # 16
@JrzyGurl: yeah it’s Future Father-In-Law not Fiance.
@CorgiTales: and the joke that he was saying over and over and over the day that we were snowed in was because the night before I said, (my job) better not be open tomorrow because I’m sure I’d rather not risk my life for some hoity toity person to get their coffee. It was simply out of frustration on how we never close. The whole rest of the day I heard “OH my god I don’t know what I’m going to do without my coffee….!!! I think I’m going to die!!”