He ticks most boxes and I'm still having my doubts

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would give it more time. Especially if he hits the important check boxes: good looking, smells good, has a job, is an adult, bathes regularly, is somewhat funny. 

If he was HORRIBLE in bed, I’d say ‘peace out’. Some men can be trained in bed and if he hits everything else, and with a little coaching, he can be amazing? I’d say it’s worth it, but that’s just my take on it. 

It’s good to contemplate things but I also think you could be overthinking. So give yourself a break, relax, you do NOT need to commit right now if you’re not ready. Take it slow Joe. 

It took me 9 dates with fi to say ‘okay’ to being his partner. 

Good luck. 

 

Post # 17
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, I can barely get past the fact that you thought first-time sex was going to be nothing short of amazing and believe it being ‘meh’ is something to base sexual chemistry off of. 🤣

But seriously, I think you’re either getting cold feet because of what happened with your ex or you’re still hung up on your ex. If you’re just scared because your ex deceived you, I’d stick it out, maybe have a “mature” conversation with the one guy who actually seems interested in the future.

If you’re still hung up on your ex, you need to be up front with this guy. (Who seems amazing, by the way.) You shouldn’t string him along any more than you already have because this guy sounds like he’s looking for a bit more than just casual dating.

By the way, you guys haven’t known each other that long so I don’t think you can go around making concrete judgements about his sense of humor. If you guys are already having mature, adult conversations I think this is a good sign that you could be headed toward something real and maybe once you get to know each other better and figure out exactly where you’re headed, the pressure will come down on BOTH of you and you might find that he’s really very funny. A real comedian even. 

Post # 18
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I agree with the PPs to give things more time.  Like many others have said, you’re likely feeling this way because of how unpredictable your ex was.  This blog post might be helpful to read:

https://www.meetmindful.com/didnt-get-butterflies/#

There’s also a book called Attached that goes through attachment theory and might help with your situation.

Post # 20
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

In short, it’s all where you put your eyes. What I mean is that we tend to focus on the pleasant and positive aspects of past relationships and are more critical of future relationships. Not always, but fairly often. 

Also consider you might not be ready for a new relationship…and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your worth, it’s just that there is not a set time limit for healing from relationships. 

One last thing to look into is the whole love as an emotion vs. love as a choice concept that blew up on the internet lately. I personally believe love is always a choice. We choose to fall for someone despite their quirks and shortcomings. 

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