Post # 1
Ugh bees I just needed to vent.
Yesterday (as you can see in my post history) I got my first positive pregnancy test (actually I took 5 lol and they all had super faint lines). I told my SO right away and we are both estatic but I am very worried as this is my first pregnancy and it’s so early. I’ve been having cramping that feels like my period is coming so I have a bad feeling that this one might not end well.
Well he was at work but tells me he immediately calls his mom to tell her. I was a little annoyed but it’s ok because he’s close with her and I knew I was going to tell mine ASAP as well.
Later we meet up for dinner and he tells me he called his best friend to tell him as well. Ok… that kind of irked me because I don’t really know his friend too well yet and I told him I didn’t want people to know for a while. Over the course of the night I find out that he told two of his friends (and their SO’s), his boss (and his wife), and apparently his mom told his entire extended family. Which is a lot. I’m talking over a dozen people that I see fairly regularly.
When I told him I was upset he kind of blew it off like they would find out eventually anyways. But I feel really vulnerable right now. I’M the one who’s pregnant and I’m literally only 13DPO !! Something that should have been intimate between us is now feeling like public knowledge. I told him how I felt and he agreed he messed up but was really excited. But now I just feel like crap. Sigh….
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Holy shit I would kill my husband. That’s really immature and invasive. Does he always broadcast your medical information?
Show him some statistics on miscarriage rates week by week through the first trimester. That might help explain why it’s too early to reveal.
Sit him down. Explain how horribly this has made you feel and why what he did is wrong. Make sure he doesn’t tell anyone else. If these people ask you I would just respond that it’s none of their business, that you don’t want to talk about it, it’s private medical information, not ready to share, and be stern.
I’m sooooo sorry he did this.
Post # 3
jayrock : Yea we are very different people. He has a huge family he’s close with and tons of friends. I’m pretty much the opposite. So I get from his perspective a bit but I had to remind him that even though it’s his baby too it’s MY body at least for a while. We had a conversation and I know he will try to mitigate the damage.
His response to if I miscarry was “we will just try again! it’s going to happen either way!”. *sigh* I appreciate the optimism but that’s not how life works lol
Post # 4
My husband told his family as soon as we got our positive test too!!!! It’s his first baby (my third) so he was really excited as he had also recently become an uncle and wanted to share the news with his mum and siblings that he would be a dad too. I was so upset and angry though when he put me on speaker phone to talk to his sister in law for her to congratulate me!!!! It was waaay to early and I hadn’t even processed it yet or was sure it was real. I forgave him pretty quickly, because he was just clueless, and thankfully I’ve had a good pregnancy and now 32 weeks along. Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy too xxx
Post # 5
I would be soo fucking angry. Like he better sleep on the couch angry.
I’m a private person and I don’t want people knowing my personal health business until *I* feel I’m ready to tell them. I’ve also had two miscarriages and I definitely didn’t want a bunch of people knowing about it and asking how I am etc.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
ncmcwilliams : Whoa, he really jumped the gun there! You are probably just starting to process this news! Most people I know did not share until they were 12 weeks along. I get that it’s his child, but it’s not the right time to share if you’re not ready and you have not discussed the when you want to announce your pregnancy. I’d be very pissed. That’s also taking something special from you – announcing such big news like that should be a special moment.
Post # 7
I totally understand the annoyance and disappoitment, but I’d cut him a little slack…I think it’s precious how excited he is. Had you two specifically discussed waiting to tell people once you got your bfp, or was he just clueless? Since you two have already sat down and spoke about your feelings, there’s really nothing more you can do. He should definitely know better now if/when next time rolls around. Hoping you’ll continue with a healthy pregnancy, and congrats 🙂
Post # 8
ncmcwilliams : I wouldn’t be thrilled, but if you wanted to keep it private, you should have discussed that. Did he know what the chances of miscarriage are? I’m guessing the finer details of loss and hormonal responses and everyone basically knowing exactly when you boned are lost on him. However, telling him after the fact isn’t going to make it go away. So time to change your perspective: he is over the moon. He’s not a deadbeat dad. He’s not treating this like some kind of inconvenience. Those are all fantastic things. Now its time for a talk about your health in general. Time to have him understand that your every puke and cramp is not to be public knowledge. What’s done is done and it was under good, if misguided, intentions. Move forward from this. Wishing you the best!
Post # 9
I would be livid, but that’s becuase of my history of miscarriages and my Darling Husband knows this so he would never say anything until we were in the clear. i would explain to him on why this was such a personal thing to you at the moment.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
ncmcwilliams : I would probably murder my husband. I had a miscarriage the same day I tested positive before our current pregnancy. Most people don’t even know we are having another baby this time. It’s our fourth. We told family at 12 weeks and never made any public announcement.
I feel like excitement and cluelessness and having no tact is ignorant. It’s your fucking body! And I’m a super private person. I wouldn’t want to be fielding calls and texts before even I had time to get my head around it. It’s not just happening to him. I would argue it’s mostly happening to you and now everyone knows your business. I got pissed when my kids told my neighbors when I was 13 weeks. I just don’t like people knowing my shit.
Post # 11
It sounds like you are very different people with how you approach this. Neither is wrong.
I think the people attacking your husband are being unfair. I doubt he had any malicious intent here.
It sounds like neither of you effectively discussed or communicated how to handle this. You BOTH made assumptions that the other person would know and agree with how you each wanted to handle this info.
Thats understandable since its the first time youve been through this. I would, however, make clear to him how you feel and ask him to respect your wishes next time so you can mutually decide *together* when its the right time to publicly share this info.
Post # 12
ncmcwilliams : It sounds like he was excited, which is sweet, and that maybe he doesn’t realize that most people wait 12 weeks to announce pregnancies due to your valid concerns. It’s understandable that he wouldn’t realize this if you had never talked about it, but now he knows.
I would be more upset that he keeps minimizing how you feel instead of understanding. I think you should talk to him again, and stress how this makes you feel from your perspective, and the pain it would put you through if you did miscarry and had everyone coming up to you to ask about the baby. He shouldn’t be shrugging off your feelings and concerns. You are telling him you have a problem with what he did. He should listen.
Post # 13
Oh wow. I would be livid also. That’s way too early to tell all those people.
If it helps to ease your mind, the cramping feeling is normal in early pregnancy.
Congrats on your pregnancy.
Post # 14
ncmcwilliams : Id be furious too. Why? He not only told people with no thought as to how you felt about that, but he got to tell them without sharing that joy with you. That would be what would piss me off the most. I would want to get to tell his family WITH him, not just show up and have his family already know the news. I think it is a good idea to take this experience to talk to him about boundaries about the pregnancy in general. NOW. Things like, is he allowed to tell his mom about your checkin appointments? Is he going to ruin your announcement about if the baby is a girl or a boy? Because you can bet your ass he is going to get even more excited to blab to everyone about what gender the baby is if you don’t put a lid on it RIGHT NOW. Get some boundaries in place about what he is and isn’t allowed to share with people, how he always needs to ask you first. And he needs to understand that being so casual and whatever about a misscarriage is SUCH a dick move. His comment about you possibly losing the baby was super insensitive and just gross. He needs a reality check.
Post # 15
Is this your first baby? Did he know he wasn’t supposed to tell people?
My husband was completely clueless in regards to miscarriage rates, when we should tell people, etc. until I had two early miscarriages. You can’t just expect him to know this information, he’s excited, pregnancy tests are accurate, in his head why shouldn’t he tell everyone? Just something to consider instead of jumping to being furious with him as everyone suggests. I don’t think he was intentially being hurtful