He told everyone the day I got my first faint positive pregnancy test!

posted 9 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Holy shit I would kill my husband. That’s really immature and invasive. Does he always broadcast your medical information?

Show him some statistics on miscarriage rates week by week through the first trimester. That might help explain why it’s too early to reveal.

Sit him down. Explain how horribly this has made you feel and why what he did is wrong. Make sure he doesn’t tell anyone else. If these people ask you I would just respond that it’s none of their business, that you don’t want to talk about it, it’s private medical information, not ready to share, and be stern. 

I’m sooooo sorry he did this. 

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

My husband told his family as soon as we got our positive test too!!!! It’s his first baby (my third) so he was really excited as he had also recently become an uncle and wanted to share the news with his mum and siblings that he would be a dad too. I was so upset and angry though when he put me on speaker phone to talk to his sister in law for her to congratulate me!!!! It was waaay to early and I hadn’t even processed it yet or was sure it was real. I forgave him pretty quickly, because he was just clueless, and thankfully I’ve had a good pregnancy and now 32 weeks along. Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy too xxx

Post # 5
Member
9442 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be soo fucking angry. Like he better sleep on the couch angry.

I’m a private person and I don’t want people knowing my personal health business until *I* feel I’m ready to tell them. I’ve also had two miscarriages and I definitely didn’t want a bunch of people knowing about it and asking how I am etc.

Post # 6
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

ncmcwilliams :  Whoa, he really jumped the gun there! You are probably just starting to process this news! Most people I know did not share until they were 12 weeks along. I get that it’s his child, but it’s not the right time to share if you’re not ready and you have not discussed the when you want to announce your pregnancy. I’d be very pissed. That’s also taking something special from you – announcing such big news like that should be a special moment.

Congratulations though!!!

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I totally understand the annoyance and disappoitment,  but I’d cut him a little slack…I think it’s precious how excited he is. Had you two specifically discussed waiting to tell people once you got your bfp, or was he just clueless? Since you two have already sat down and spoke about your feelings, there’s really nothing more you can do. He should definitely know better now if/when next time rolls around. Hoping you’ll continue with a healthy pregnancy, and congrats 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ncmcwilliams :  I wouldn’t be thrilled, but if you wanted to keep it private, you should have discussed that. Did he know what the chances of miscarriage are? I’m guessing the finer details of loss and hormonal responses and everyone basically knowing exactly when you boned are lost on him. However, telling him after the fact isn’t going to make it go away. So time to change your perspective: he is over the moon. He’s not a deadbeat dad. He’s not treating this like some kind of inconvenience.  Those are all fantastic things.  Now its time for a talk about your health in general.  Time to have him understand that your every puke and cramp is not to be public knowledge. What’s done is done and it was under good, if misguided, intentions.  Move forward from this. Wishing you the best!

Post # 9
Member
6444 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be livid, but that’s becuase of my history of miscarriages and my Darling Husband knows this so he would never say anything until we were in the clear.  i would explain to him on why this was such a personal thing to you at the moment.

Post # 10
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

ncmcwilliams :  I would probably murder my husband. I had a miscarriage the same day I tested positive before our current pregnancy. Most people don’t even know we are having another baby this time. It’s our fourth. We told family at 12 weeks and never made any public announcement.

I feel like excitement and cluelessness and having no tact is ignorant. It’s your fucking body! And I’m a super private person. I wouldn’t want to be fielding calls and texts before even I had time to get my head around it. It’s not just happening to him. I would argue it’s mostly happening to you and now everyone knows your business. I got pissed when my kids told my neighbors when I was 13 weeks. I just don’t like people knowing my shit.

Post # 11
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

ncmcwilliams :  

It sounds like you are very different people with how you approach this. Neither is wrong.

I think the people attacking your husband are being unfair. I doubt he had any malicious intent here.

It sounds like neither of you effectively discussed or communicated how to handle this. You BOTH made assumptions that the other person would know and agree with how you each wanted to handle this info. 

Thats understandable since its the first time youve been through this. I would, however, make clear to him how you feel and ask him to respect your wishes next time so you can mutually decide *together* when its the right time to publicly share this info.

Post # 12
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

ncmcwilliams :  It sounds like he was excited, which is sweet, and that maybe he doesn’t realize that most people wait 12 weeks to announce pregnancies due to your valid concerns. It’s understandable that he wouldn’t realize this if you had never talked about it, but now he knows.

I would be more upset that he keeps minimizing how you feel instead of understanding. I think you should talk to him again, and stress how this makes you feel from your perspective, and the pain it would put you through if you did miscarry and had everyone coming up to you to ask about the baby. He shouldn’t be shrugging off your feelings and concerns. You are telling him you have a problem with what he did. He should listen.

Post # 13
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Oh wow.  I would be livid also.  That’s way too early to tell all those people.

If it helps to ease your mind, the cramping feeling is normal in early pregnancy.  

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Post # 14
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

ncmcwilliams :  Id be furious too. Why? He not only told people with no thought as to how you felt about that, but he got to tell them without sharing that joy with you. That would be what would piss me off the most. I would want to get to tell his family WITH him, not just show up and have his family already know the news. I think it is a good idea to take this experience to talk to him about boundaries about the pregnancy in general. NOW. Things like, is he allowed to tell his mom about your checkin appointments? Is he going to ruin your announcement about if the baby is a girl or a boy? Because you can bet your ass he is going to get even more excited to blab to everyone about what gender the baby is if you don’t put a lid on it RIGHT NOW. Get some boundaries in place about what he is and isn’t allowed to share with people, how he always needs to ask you first. And he needs to understand that being so casual and whatever about a misscarriage is SUCH a dick move. His comment about you possibly losing the baby was super insensitive and just gross. He needs a reality check. 

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

Is this your first baby? Did he know he wasn’t supposed to tell people?

 

My husband was completely clueless in regards to miscarriage rates, when we should tell people, etc. until I had two early miscarriages. You can’t just expect him to know this information, he’s excited, pregnancy tests are accurate, in his head why shouldn’t he tell everyone? Just something to consider instead of jumping to being furious with him as everyone suggests. I don’t think he was intentially being hurtful

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