He told everyone the day I got my first faint positive pregnancy test!

posted 9 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ncmcwilliams :  “Something that should have been intimate between us” — Did he know this was supposed to be kept between you though? I think a lot of people, men and women, are excited and tell people. If you didn’t tell him you don’t want it shared, I don’t think you can blame him for sharing it. If you agreed beforehand to keep it secret for a while and he disregarded that because he was excited, yeah, that’s bad. But if it’s a case of you assumed it would be kept secret and he assumed he could shout it from the rooftops, that’s a lack of communication.

Post # 32
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’d be pissed. Tell him it’s not his 

Post # 33
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

feeshpup :  hah! Brilliant!

Yeah OP, I was be pure raging and hurt as well. He is an adult, whether youse discussed it before or not, or whether he’s clueless” about pregnancy or not, it’s not beyond the realms of reasonableness to expect a quick “so can we tell anyone” from him before he goes and blabs to the world. 

Also – aside from the whole clueless about pregnancy / miscarriages etc…yeah, it’s not just his news to tell. I wold be really hurt that he has taken away the good news factor from you and didn’t even stop for a second to think that this might be news you want to share together, as a couple.   Thoughtless and selfish in my opinion. Don’t care how exited he is. He’s not a child.

and yeah – he needs educated in what a miscarriage is. It doesnt mean you just magically stop being pregnant… show him an article of what a woman goes through.. that might wise him up a bit and make him a bit more thoughtful and sensitive. 

But anyways, as a PP said – at least it is a good thing that he is excited and positive – he just needs a bit of a reality check and to learn to respect you a bit more as his partner. 

Post # 34
Member
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ncmcwilliams :  

This “…he needs educated in what a miscarriage is. It doesnt mean you just magically stop being pregnant” is a really good point pp made . His seemingly   careless and crass response  ‘well we’ll just start again’ may well be due  to this.  But don’t allow any more ignorance either medically or as to your wishes. 

Post # 35
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ncmcwilliams :  The two of you suffering through a miscarriage would be hard enough, does he really want his parents to know that happened? Both my mother and my partner’s mother had miscarriages, it would break their hearts if I had one too. I’m planning on keeping quiet until I’m more sure. What he’s doing could cause serious emotional and psychological harm. And if you do miscarry, that’s really embarassing and no ones fecking business

Post # 36
Member
9432 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hunnibee88 :  Ah yes, the old “boys will be boys” excuse. He’s a grown ass adult, he should have at the very least been like “hey wife do you mind if I tell so and so?”

My 3 year old has better manners.

Post # 37
Member
14943 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

ispeakingifs :  And if you do miscarry, that’s really embarassing and no ones fecking business

It may be a private sensitive matter, but there is nothing *embarassing* about a miscarraige.  Unless someone is out getting high and drunk or whatever obviously damaging to cause it, no one should feel embarrassed or shame about a miscarriage. 

Post # 38
Member
3672 posts
Sugar bee

I would highly recommend getting him a baby book or two to educate him on pregnancy, children, and all the challenges. Sounds like he’s a bit immature and perhaps unaware of this whole process. He also should not ever brush off your feelings about anything, let alone something so sensitive. I wouldn’t let that go. Sorry that happened :/ 

I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months!

Post # 39
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I was upset that my love has told a number of people that we would be trying to have a baby soon. I know he’s so excited and it’s totally understandible (I am too!), but I had to tell him to stop because we’ve already received unsolicited advice regarding our choice and it’s very hurtful and quite frankly, no ones business. When we finally get pregnant, I’ll definitely have another talk with him so that we can keep this to ourselves until we’re both ready to share the news.

Post # 40
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I would be frustrated in this situation too, but unless you discussed this beforehand and he disregarded your wishes to not share the news right away, I don’t see a valid reason to stay angry at your husband. We didn’t tell any family that I was pregnant until almost 13 weeks along, but we had talked about it before TTC so we were both on the same page. Men often are not as aware of the risks in early pregnancy or that many women want to process a new pregancy privately, and we can’t assume that they’ll automatically know how to handle the situation without talking about it first. You have every right to be irritated and upset, but don’t take it out on your poor husband. He probably didn’t know he was doing anything wrong, so this is far from sleep-in-the-doghouse territory.

Post # 41
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

ncmcwilliams :  I loved reading this post. My husband did the exact same thing! Except he texted a picture of the pregnancy test to his parents and told all his friends the day we found out. I was probably 10-13 dpo, also my first pregnancy and first month trying. It stressed me out so much, I cried over it  a bunch… He never appologised and he still thinks what he did was fine, I don’t think men get it. I have known many women friends/co-workers who have gone though mc’s so I know I am extra nervous about this but he never understood it. At least your hubby appologised though.

You will be fine though. Seriously I was worried for months. I am now 33 weeks and my doc told me on Monday that if the baby came out right now she would be fine I just wouldn’t be able to take her home for a while from the hospital. All of my tears early on were for nothing. Try to stay optimistic and be happy that you have such an excited husband who will make a fabulous father.

Our house is already fully baby-proofed because my husband is sooooo excited and keen… (Its sweet but also annoying when I have to charge my laptop and all of the plugs have covered on them LOL!)

Post # 42
Hostess
3838 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

ncmcwilliams :  Your story stresses me out so much!!  We are not TTC yet, but my D.H. is also an oversharer while I am very private.  I have no advice for you except that I hope you discussed your boundaries after this violation of your privacy.  I would have been fuming.  Hope that all is going well OP. 

Post # 43
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I guess this is something you simply need to remember to talk about your hubby with BEFORE you tell him your pregnant so he is well aware it isn’t his call to just go blab about it to everyone on his own. Im going to remember that for when im having kids! Better to discuss boundaries before hand than to assume someone has normal boundaries haha. 

Also, I would be so freaking pissed if my husband did that to me that second kid around i wouldn’t tell him until I wanted people to know. Like i would tell him later on, tell him I was a few weeks along and when he asked me how long I knew? I would have a huge ass smile on my face and say, A FEW WEEKS!! Since you are incapable of being a mature adult and respecting me and MY BODY, I decided to not tell you until I was ok with your big mouth telling people. LOL. but im petty like that. 

Post # 44
Member
12111 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

ladyjane123 :  

“ I told him I didn’t want people to know for a while.”

 This post is two months old, but apparently OP did tell her husband she wanted the news to be kept private at first. Blabbing that early if there was no express understanding is still dumb and inconsiderate, but blatantly going against her wishes, and the “what’s the big deal” reaction afterward was hugely disrespectful. I hope OP is doing well and that her husband now gets it and has since made it up to her! 

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