Post # 1
I just can’t believe it’s been an entire year since he said that! I’m trying to stay positive, who knows, it could be coming soon… but I just feel kinda bummed out today upon realizing that.
There’s been a bit of progress since, but still. In August, after I hadn’t said anything engagement-related in months, he randomly sent me a text asking if I still wanted the moissanite ring I had showed him. I know for a fact he didn’t buy it, because he kept talking about how he questioned the quality/reputation of the site. A couple months later, after I saw a video of the ring, I told him I wasn’t really a fan of it anymore. He said he’d prefer to buy a diamond anyway. He told me to send him a link of a diamond ring I like, so I did. Still nothing. I’m starting to feel like it’s all talk, no action. I know he loves me and wants to marry me, but the whole waiting thing just… it can really bring me down/make me doubt things on the harder days.
I know I shouldn’t be complaining, with the little progress we’ve had… but we’ve been together almost 5 and a half years. Living together for almost 4. I’ve been ready for a while, he knows this. I don’t want to break up, I don’t want to move out…. but I’m just so frickin’ sick of waiting. Sick of people asking questions. Sick of the wondering WHY he won’t move forward. He just always says he wants to be “more settled.” I’m sorry, we’re doing fine financially [he has quite a bit in savings and works full-time], and even though I work part-time, I make decent money because I’m in sales [basically equals full-time pay & thensome with bonus potential]. I don’t understand what he’s waiting for. Part of me wants to bring it up, but then part of me wants to just not say anything because I’m tired of always being the one to bring it up. He seems to respond better when he’s the one bringing it up, not me.
I just still can’t believe it’s been a full year since he told me that. A FULL YEAR. That’s insane! Like what happened to following through on things, on promises? You can’t just say that to someone when you know they were ready for that next step way before you… it feels like a tease. Like you’re dangling a carrot in front of my face because you can. I know it’s probably not the case, but I sometimes feel like he says these things to give the appearance that things are moving forward, meanwhile they don’t and he can just stay all comfy with where we are.
Anyhoo, I think I just needed to vent. I have no one to talk to about this right now, so I appreciate you guys reading. Thank god for these boards! <3
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m sure its difficult.
That being said, if you’re not prepared to move out or end the relationship, then you’ve gotta stick with the status quo. It is what it is, and unless you’re ready to do something about it, this is the hand you’ve been dealt. If you truly want to be married, and not just to him but married in general, then you should definitely say something – but be prepared to make some difficult decisions if you dont get what you’re looking for.
I’m not at all a fan of ultimatums, but I’m a huge proponent of knowing what you want and making it happen, whatever it takes – including exiting the current situation in favor of finding the end goal. You’ve been together for several years, and you should be able to have these open and honest conversations about your combined future. This is not a one-sided decision, it takes two people. If one of them isn’t fully on board, that’s a problem.
Post # 4
If it were me, I’d say to him, “Can you believe it, one year ago you told me….” Let it lie there or follow up with “Do you still feel that way?” You can make it romantic if you like – plan a special night with favorite foods and talk excited about the future to get the ball rolling, or simply drop it into conversation and see where he goes with it. I doubt he actively realizes he told you that one year ago.
Post # 5
If I were you, and obviously I am not, I would bring it up. It doesnt matter you arent “willing to do anything” Its not an ultimatum. Its a valid conversation when you have been together as long as you have and have had the conversations you have had.
Just make this one to the point. Tell him you are getting anxious and want to know if it is coming up. As him for a timeline. He should have one if he has meant what he has said in the past year. Ask him to define “more settled” in definate terms so its something you can work towards if you need to.
Post # 6
All you can do is bring it up and ask why there hasnt been progress. And let him know exactly how it makes you feel. If he claims he wants to marry you, then he better propose. Finances dont need to be an issue. Why? Because you can have a long engagment to build up the money. You just have to be brutally honest.
Post # 7
@kay01: I couldn’t agree more. I think this is the best tactic. After you mention the year of waiting, maybe slip in if he has a new timeline? Ask if 2012 will be the year of engagement.
Waiting sucks, I know. I’ve been waiting since August and it seems like each day is a struggle not to mention it. But from learning from all the other Bee’s, it’s worth the wait in the end.
Post # 8
Aw hunny, I know how you feel i’m in the same boat… I was told 3 months ago, that’d we’d be getting engaged within 6 months (March time) he has now pushed it back to September – we’ve been together for 8 years and lived together pretty much since day 1 as we met at uni!
I keep just trying to remind myself that he’s pushed it back because he wants it to be perfect.
You can read my rant posted yesterday if you want to see some of the support I’ve been given – it may help you too?
Good luck, and I hope the waiting is over soon!
Post # 9
I feel your pain. 5 1/2 years is a pretty long time so I commend you for being patient that long! I tend to be vocal…not to the point that I’m a nag but enough to make sure I’m heard and get my point across. He may not know how the extended wait and broken promises are making you feel. Talk to him and don’t leave the convo without communicating your feelings, understanding his, and getting a concrete timeline from him. Good luck hun.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
Waiting is the worst. The longer you wait the more it eats you up inside, especially when you have expectations of something happening and never get the encouragement that you need.
I really think this is something you should be able to talk to him about without feeling guilty. I know that’s easier said than done. I went through this not long ago and every time I brought it up I felt like I was just being pushy. But this is about your future as well as his and I think it’s important to at least know what page he is on. Is there any way you can discuss your future with him without bringing up a proposal, just to suss out his thoughts?
Post # 11
I can’t do a proper reply right now as I have to head to work, but I just wanted to thank all of you for your advice/encouragement.
I opened up the dialogue yesterday…. and I’m very confused now. I also don’t know what hurt more: the agony of waiting/wondering or knowing his reasons.
It’s probably a bigger deal in my head, because I’m feeling super sensitive at the moment, but I’ll definitely give you guys the scoop as soon as I can!
Post # 12
Ohh I know how this feels!! I was told this time last year that he would propose sometime in the next year but of course that year has come and gone. We TALK about it. He keeps saying it will happen one day soon, but come on – a full year!!
Its frustrating – especially when there is no good reason for waiting. But he is talking to you about the kinds of rings you like, so thats a good sign!
Post # 13
Sorry, this sounds tough. I hope it comes sooner than you think!