Post # 1
Boyfriend said I need to plan our wedding, figure how much it’s going to cost, and then we can set a date – either 2014 or 2015. This is backwards! Usually people set a budget and then plan it out. Oh, and they’re usually engaged first. I know it’s coming by the end of the year, but still – it feels weird to be buying wedding magazines without a ring. I’d rather set a budget and make it work so that we can get married in 2014. I just can’t wait another 3 years 🙁
And I don’t know if this is helping my waiting craziness…
Post # 3
Keep calm. When you plan first to figure out a budget you are figuring out an IDEAL budget which you than must be opening to modifying as you need. This is what I did. After I did some loose plans and figured out how much a wedding like that would cost we sat down. Discussed whether the budget was reasonable and where we make cuts to bring it down to budget. It really helped me gain perspective on the cost of weddings before I became overly invested.
Post # 4
Haha he’s a guy, they don’t know how to do all this wedding stuff! If I were you, I would wait until you were engaged to start planning, especially if you’re not getting married until 2014 or 2015. You’ve got plenty of time, why stress yourself out?
Post # 5
Planning is pretty stressful, no reason to throw yourself into it unless it’s something you truly enjoy doing. I wouldn’t do it without a ring either. Just talk to him and say that once you guys are engaged, you can start the process and adjust the date and budget accordingly.
Post # 6
I’m seriously in the same boat as you! My SO told me the other day(after a friends engagement party) to start planning little things and figuring out a budget. We aren’t engaged either and I don’t know when it’s coming! And I also feel really weird buying bridal mags and I can’t tell anyone because they will think I’m crazy!!
Guys seriously just don’t get it!
Post # 7
I’m a planner, so I’d love to do this. If you work out the kinks in the beginning everything flows so much more smoothly – even if you work out an outline of some kind. You don’t have to go all in, but I do think it’s smart to be aware of how the wedding you guys want will cost.
Post # 8
Maybe he is trying to plant the seed that he is going to propose but would like a long engagement.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
He’s probably just concerned about how much it’s all going to cost and wants to have a realistic timeline. To set our budget, we looked at the venue (included caterer), DJ and photographer. Those three things gave us a really good idea about how much we’d need to save.
Be happy he wants to be involved and is encouraging you 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
He probably just wants a ballpark figure of what kind of budget you’re looking at before he gets the ring. That said, I wouldn’t waste my time doing much more than putting together a prospective budget. No ring doesn’t mean no engagement or marriage but it does show a lack of commitment. What are you going to do with those deposits if he decides he’s changed his mind and doesn’t want to propose? At least with a ring you have some kind of collateral even if it’s only a few hundred dollars.
Post # 11
To all bees who’s guys said go ahead and plan the wedding, you are lucky! Most waiting bees don’t even have that reassurance. At least those words seem like he is committed to your future together and you can take some comfort in that. Hopefully the ring will come…soon…
OP, just do enough research to give you a general idea, you dont have to do a full on planning session or start making down payments, just check out the cost of main things; like dress, cake, venue, etc. That will give you a basic estimate to work with. I think its smart that he wants to know what it will cost so that you can be mature about it, save and plan accordingly or adjust accordingly. Just enjoy it and dont let it stress you out. Remember, its just research, for now. And it will be a good eye opener and give you a head start when the time comes.
And, if its any consolation to you, my SO and I have our venue, invitations, and honeymoon already picked out (I have several other things picked out already including vendors) no downpayments made or anything but I know what all my top picks are AND and I also dont have a ring yet, but when it comes, I’ll be ready because I want a short engagement so I can hurry up and be his wife already!
Post # 12
@newcitylights: My SO has the ring on layaway and told me that we need to pick a date first and start planning before he would propose. He doesn’t want a long engagement and wants it set in stone. This isn’t crazy, just unique to your situation. I would plan the larger parts of it and present it to him and then do the detailed stuff later 🙂
Post # 13
Mine did the same.. He told me to make a budget and tell him my vision and he told his.. But we aren’t engaged… we even started a savings fund for our wedding.. So i totally get where you are coming from
Post # 14
@newcitylights: What did he say when you asked him what he meant?
Post # 15
I’m not making payments or anything like that. I know he is committed, he tells me the ring is coming by the end of the year and said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I didn’t ask what he meant because I know he is just extremely practical! We might have to move in the next year or 2 if I get a job, so he wants to see if we can afford both a wedding and possibly a new house. He wants me to have the wedding I dream of, and not have to sacrifice because of a house. He doesn’t realize that I don’t need all that – I just want to marry him. I know I’m lucky that he’s encouraging me to plan – he’s even asked me how it’s going and if I’ve found anything I like 🙂 I’m not going too crazy with details, and seeing just how expensive a wedding can be has really put things in perspective.
Post # 16
Just an idea: a few ring-buying sites out there advise you to spend a certain percentage of your wedding budget on the e-ring. It could be that he’s asking to to “ballpark” the wedding so he knows what to spend!