(Closed) He told me to plan our wedding. Not engaged..don't know what to think.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Keep calm. When you plan first to figure out a budget you are figuring out an IDEAL budget which you than must be opening to modifying as you need. This is what I did. After I did some loose plans and figured out how much a wedding like that would cost we sat down. Discussed whether the budget was reasonable and where we make cuts to bring it down to budget. It really helped me gain perspective on the cost of weddings before I became overly invested.

Post # 4
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Haha he’s a guy, they don’t know how to do all this wedding stuff! If I were you, I would wait until you were engaged to start planning, especially if you’re not getting married until 2014 or 2015. You’ve got plenty of time, why stress yourself out?

Post # 5
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Planning is pretty stressful, no reason to throw yourself into it unless it’s something you truly enjoy doing. I wouldn’t do it without a ring either. Just talk to him and say that once you guys are engaged, you can start the process and adjust the date and budget accordingly.

Post # 6
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m seriously in the same boat as you! My SO told me the other day(after a friends engagement party) to start planning little things and figuring out a budget. We aren’t engaged either and I don’t know when it’s coming! And I also feel really weird buying bridal mags and I can’t tell anyone because they will think I’m crazy!!


  Guys seriously just don’t get it!

Post # 7
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m a planner, so I’d love to do this.  If you work out the kinks in the beginning everything flows so much more smoothly – even if you work out an outline of some kind.  You don’t have to go all in, but I do think it’s smart to be aware of how the wedding you guys want will cost.

Post # 8
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe he is trying to plant the seed that he is going to propose but would like a long engagement. 

Post # 9
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

He’s probably just concerned about how much it’s all going to cost and wants to have a realistic timeline.  To set our budget, we looked at the venue (included caterer), DJ and photographer.  Those three things gave us a really good idea about how much we’d need to save.

Be happy he wants to be involved and is encouraging you ๐Ÿ™‚


Post # 10
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

He probably just wants a ballpark figure of what kind of budget you’re looking at before he gets the ring.  That said, I wouldn’t waste my time doing much more than putting together a prospective budget.  No ring doesn’t mean no engagement or marriage but it does show a lack of commitment.  What are you going to do with those deposits if he decides he’s changed his mind and doesn’t want to propose?  At least with a ring you have some kind of collateral even if it’s only a few hundred dollars.

Post # 11
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@discodance Co-Sign!

To all bees who’s guys said go ahead and plan the wedding, you are lucky! Most waiting bees don’t even have that reassurance. At least those words seem like he is committed to your future together and you can take some comfort in that. Hopefully the ring will come…soon…

OP, just do enough research to give you a general idea, you dont have to do a full on planning session or start making down payments, just check out the cost of main things; like dress, cake, venue, etc. That will give you a basic estimate to work with.  I think its smart that he wants to know what it will cost so that you can be mature about it, save and plan accordingly or adjust accordingly. Just enjoy it and dont let it stress you out. Remember, its just research, for now. And it will be a good eye opener and give you a head start when the time comes.

And, if its any consolation to you, my SO and I have our venue, invitations, and honeymoon already picked out (I have several other things picked out already including vendors) no downpayments made or anything but I know what all my top picks are AND and I also dont have a ring yet, but when it comes, I’ll be ready because I want a short engagement so I can hurry up and be his wife already! Wink

Post # 12
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@newcitylights:  My SO has the ring on layaway and told me that we need to pick a date first and start planning before he would propose. He doesn’t want a long engagement and wants it set in stone. This isn’t crazy, just unique to your situation. I would plan the larger parts of it and present it to him and then do the detailed stuff later ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Mine did the same.. He told me to make a budget and tell him my vision and he told his.. But we aren’t engaged… we even started a savings fund for our wedding.. So i totally get where you are coming from

Post # 16
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Just an idea: a few ring-buying sites out there advise you to spend a certain percentage of your wedding budget on the e-ring. It could be that he’s asking to to “ballpark” the wedding so he knows what to spend!


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