- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
Ok, so ive been on here for about 7 months after i had a few dramas over finding an engagement ring that i was not supposed to find and have still not been given!
So we’ve had the talk again about a timeline etc, which he will not give, but has said that he does not want to give me the ring he picked out as its ‘too small’ but all that is besides the point. We ended up at a point where for the first time i actually had a long hard think about how he may be feeling (instead of demanding to hear it from him) and how i actually felt. I realised that whilst i am excited about the prospect of getting married to him, i am terrified about everything after that as i dont know that i know ‘how’ to be married as such.
So after that conversation we’ve been in a really good place for a few months relationship wise and yesterday he was talking about a customer of his whose SO left her when she became pregnant whilst on the pill and how terrible that was. This made me wonder about what he would do if we ever had the same situation come up (i would keep the baby regardless of fathers participation) and he said he wasnt sure!
Not what i wanted to hear. And then he went to to say well you’d be damned whether you had it or not because if he left he’d be giving up me but if he stayed, he’d hate his life. He used to want marriage and kids with no waiting during the first 2-3 years of our now 7 year relationship, but now thinks that as life is generally bad as he sees it, why would you knowingly bring a kid into the world? and that everything else he used to think was good has now changed, so the once good idea of having a family one day must also be a bad idea
This made me very upset obviously and i left the bedroom to be upset elsewhere and let him sleep. I came back into the room later on and he woke up and decided that even though i was upset, that it was a good idea to have sex (sorry if thats TMI) which seems to be his way of smoothing anything over when im upset. I explained that i was upset over the prospect of our future but would talk to him about it the following evening so we could both get some sleep.
I feel like we’re kidding ourselves of we think it’s a good idea to go into and engagement/marriage if we are not on the same page about kids!
I dont want to lose him, but i dont want to find out down the track that it’s a definate no for him and then be faced with the heartbreaking decision of what to do.
He is worried about the financial side of things and the huge change in life mostly. I am too!!! but i still know i want them one day!
We are relatively young still, im 24 and hes 25, but im talking about planning for kids once we buy a house and get married. Early 30’s for me approximately.
Has anyone out there been in a similar situation that has worked out with the relationship intact?
I feel like its not doing ourselves any favours if we stay in a relationship where we want different things, but what happens if a give up now and he decides differently?
I need some advice, guidance etc and be blunt with me if needed. Id like to hear whatever you have to say bee’s