(Closed) He wants 5 kids… I'm shocked!! Pros and cons?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would totally have 4 or 5 kids! We’ve agreed on 3 then maybe a forth later on. My dad has six siblings and my mom has five and i love their big families!

Post # 18
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee

@kfiorita:  I think a lot of guys romanticize how much fun it will be having kids, and they scale back when they realize how expensive it is to have them and/or they realize how much work they are (usually after 1-2).  He’s young, so maybe it hasn’t hit him yet. ๐Ÿ˜›  When I was 23, my 25 year old friend told me he wanted 5 kids too.  When I visited him like a year later, he wised up and told me he wanted 2 or so. ๐Ÿ˜›

My SO’s pushing for 3 and I’m leaning towards 2, so…we’ll see what happens later! ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 19
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

We always say we’ll start with one and see. We’ll probably have two though because I would smother one. Like someone else says, have him look at the price of daycare. Spending (if you’re lucky) $600 a month on daycare isn’t fun for one but imagine having three (if they’re close-ish in age) in daycare at one time (and two in school let’s say)!

Post # 20
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MRSsrm85:  ha! In my area day care is $1,000/ mo and drops to $950 once the child is potty trained. Kids are expensive. 

Post # 21
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m the oldest of 8.  4 girls (ages 24, 23, 9 and 8) and four boys (ages 20 (twins), 12 and 11).  We’re all biological siblings and we love it. 

Big families really aren’t as scary as people make them out to be.  My mom is a stay-at-home mom and my dad is a pastor.  Their income is not that substantial by any means, but they’ve done an amazing job of raising everyone.  My sister and I are both out of the house, my twin brothers will be in the next 2 years or so when they finish their associate degrees and transfer colleges.  Mom homeschooled all of us as well.

The biggest pro’s for me is that we are really close as a family, there’s always someone else to do things with, the older kids are all excellent with younger kids and we all got tons of babysitting/camp counselor jobs easy because of it and we have fun together. 

There are some cons. Financially, big families are not easy. We didn’t go on vacations every year, and when we do they’re on the cheaper side (no Disney but we do go camping/hiking in TN/Maine/Montana every couple of years), you have to have a bigger van to move everyone around (and none of them get good gas mileage) and I know that my parents have not saved a ton for retirement.  I also know that the 4 older kids are not planning on having huge families because we feel like we’ve already helped raise 4.  Not that there’s anything I regret about my family at all, it’s just the way things worked out. 

My parents provided everything we needed through high school.  For college, they didn’t pay for tuition, but our grades (all 4 of us were B+ average and in the mid to high 20’s ACT scorewise) helped us get a lot of scholarships.  Their rule is that as long as you’re going to school they pay your car insurance (PLPD, you pay the difference if you want full) and cell phones (no data, just texting) and you can live at home rent free. 

DH grew up as the youngest of 2. So, he’s said 2 would be perfect for him.  I refuse to have only 2. I’m thinking 4 or 5 honestly. I can’t imagine only having two kids. 

Post # 22
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I only have 1 child, (although we are trying to adopt another), so I can’t comment on what it’s like to have a big family. However, I can tell you the advantages to having a smaller family. We can afford stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ we can go on a big trip (or two) every year. Usually we have one big trip with our son, and 1 trip without him every year. On that subject, it’s really easy to find someone to watch 1-2 children for you (my mom practically begs me to have our son stay over at her house all the time, id imagine that probably wouldn’t happen with 5 kids). 

this is just me personally, but I’m not a huge fan of the baby stage (gasp!) – I don’t like all the diapers, all the “stuff”, sleepless nights, etc etc. so for me, it was a huge benefit only having to do it once (I would have done it twice tho if I was able). I don’t think I could handle knowing I had 10 years of that ahead of me. 

Anyway, just a different perspective to think about

Post # 23
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

@kfiorita:  I’m a CFBC bee, so am probably biased, but I really don’t see any pros to having 4 or 5 + kids. The cons I see are:

1) Cost: although you’ll be able to re-use things like some clothes/pushchairs/cots/etc, each child will present additional costs in terms of healthcare (depending on where you live), food, bills, the size of your car and property, etc. And unless you’re a Stay-At-Home Mom, childcare costs will be astronomical.

2) Time and stress: I see people with 1 or 2 children and they seem permanently stressed and tired. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be with 3+, particularly if the age gaps are small; I would NOT fancy trying to get my 5 and 7 year olds up and ready and to school with a new-born and toddler to look after too.

3)Environmental impact: for some, this may not matter. Personally, I think it’s a big deal. A big family is not a necessity, so IMO, choosing to have more than 1 or 2 children when the world is massively overpopulated and resources, jobs etc are fast running out, is not the most selfless or sensible decision.

Post # 24
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am the youngest of 4 girls, and I don’t know if that’s considered a “big” family or not.  I don’t think my parents set out for having 4 kids originally; I think I was the let’s-try-for-a-boy-one-more-time baby. Wink

My oldest sister is 10 years older than me and when I was younger I remember being dragged to the older ones sporting events and practices.  My mom has always worked too; both my parents are in healthcare so they were always able to work their schedules out so none of us were in daycare for a long time.

The biggest con I think would be cost.  Most of my clothes were hand me downs, same with my toys, although my parents always made a point of getting me something new for my birthdays.  We never took big vacations and we had a van forever!

Surprisingly, my parents have done quite well for themselves saving for retirement.  They gave each of us some money for college, but we were expected to work and take out student loans.

When I was younger I disliked having so many sisters; now I love it.  I’m close to all of them and they are very protective of me.

That being said, I think I only want 2 of my own. Wink

Post # 25
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d laugh if my husband said this. When he can carry them and feed them, he can have 5 kids. I came from a semi-small family, 5 kids to me is way, way, waaaaay too much.

We’ll be lucky if we ever manage one.

Post # 26
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

@kfiorita:  aw lawd!  I know about 5 girls where I am from who want 5 kids…I looked at them in disbelief when they said that…really?! 5? Why ever would you want that manY? Bc you want a little army of you & your hubbys gene’s walking around?  Or you want a whole lot of people around you when your old?  Thats the pro’s I see in it, you’re never lonely…as far as the cons, ost women who have had 4-5 kids have a really really hard time staying fit or in shape and kinda blew up after their 3rd kid.  They are still beautiful but are definitely 60 pounds heavier than they were when they first started having kids…2nd Con…$$$…I feel like having that many kids is way too expensive, like how to even manage those expenses…geesh, not something I would desire but thats just me:)

Post # 27
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MRSsrm85:  Yep, the gal I work with pays at least $18,000 a year for her two kids to be in daycare, and that’s not including summers since her husband is a teacher. Ouch!

Post # 28
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

I did have a friend in elementary school that had 10 brothers and sisters!! They seemed like they always had fun, but they also were pretty poor

Post # 29
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

@kfiorita:  Yeah my neighbor who has 3 girls told me, to have 2 or 4 kids because when you have 3, someone is always Left out:( as far as amusement parks, arcade’s, and any where else that is built for an even #, which is most places

 

Post # 30
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was planning on at least 2, that is until I actually did the whole labor and delivery thing.  My daughter ended up an only child. 

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