(Closed) He wants 5 kids… I'm shocked!! Pros and cons?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I grew up as the oldest of 7, so I’m just going to echo everything  @hogoboom2012 said. Having a large family is crazy, expensive, chaotic, expensive, messy, expensive, and tiresome. But it’s also fun, fun, fun, and filled with love, joy, support, and companionship– more than you could ever imagine. We are all still super close and love hanging out together (we just had a family game night on Sunday with 6 of us plus SOs). I would not trade my broke childhood with my 6 siblings for anything. That being said, I’m only planning 2 kids because of financial and selfish reasons (and I’m hoping my siblings will decide to procreate at the same time as me so that my kids will have lots of cousin playmates). 

Post # 48
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kfiorita:  I’m the baby of 4, I have 2 brothers and 1 sister, there’s an 8 year age difference from oldest to youngest. As adults we’re all pretty good friends. We were super poor growing up, that sucked a LOT & we didn’t have a lot of opportunities for travel to go places, etc unless we could get there by car. DH is the oldest of 2 & he grew up traveling & seeing the world. I always said I wanted 4 that way my kids could “hopefully” experience having both a sister and a brother. DH wants 2, one boy and one girl. Part of his logic is that he wants to travel a LOT with our kids through out their lives & doesn’t want to be out numbered on an airplane or in another country and he has a good point. Also when you’ve got more than 2 there comes a time where kid A has soccer at 2 while kid B has ballet at 2 on opposite sides of town & that can be difficult to deal with. Imagine adding 2 more kids to that, how would you get all 4 to different extra curricular activities at the same time or how do you decide which kids soccer/tball/basketball game to attend?

Personally i think BIG families are amazing! My mom has 11 brothers and sisters, I LOVE having so many aunts and uncles, it makes the holidays so much fun! Sadly my aunts and uncles didn’t have many kids so there are only a total of 13 grandkids and 3 great grandkids (the great grand kids are my nieces and nephew). The oldest grandkid is 35 & the youngest is 3. I am old enough to be the mother to at least 4 of my cousins and all 3 of my nieces/nephews so sadly I don’t really have any cousins my own age, which sucks! 

Post # 49
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

So many people I know (especially men) saw that they want 5+ kids before they have any experience with them. I think this stems from the fact that a lot of men really haven’t done any babysitting work, and some of them don’t have nieces or nephews to form opinions about. My SO and I are between having one or two kids at the moment. I think it’s good enough at the moment for us to know that we are both generally on the same page about having kids and also a rough estimate of how many, but neither of us are 100% sure. I figure when the time comes to TTC we will have our baby, and then play it by ear as to whether or not we have another down the road. I’ve always said that 2 is most likely going to be my max, but if SO and I had two and three years later were both on board for another I wouldn’t say no.

ETA: I’m a nanny (started just over a year ago), and before I started working as one I totally wanted to have six kids. Then I nannied for a family with four children, and literally that night I went home telling my SO that I didn’t even know if I wanted one child anymore let alone six LOL. Generally, things flow so much more easily in the 1-3 child range, but it all depends on your parenting styles in the end!

Post # 50
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee

@kfiorita:  My SO and I each have one sibling and would both like to have 2 kids, just like our families did. I’m actually a fraternal twin, so I love the idea of having twins (I have a higher chance) or of having kids close together in age. MY SO and his brother are 2 yrs apart, and I think that’s what he prefers.

Honestly, my biggest concern would be about your career. You said you and your Fiance both work at this point. Are you planning to have a career? Or are you hoping to be a SAHM? Because if you’re planning to have a career and being successful is important to you, I think having a maximum of 2 kids, hopefully closer together is the way to go. That way you’re not taking lots and lots of time off to take care of the kids. I assume that if you did have 5 kids, someone would either have to take lots of time off (which would derail a career) or stay at home with them more permanently since daycare costs would be expensive.

The other thing is cost, which other bees have mentioned. Honestly, having lots of experiences such as taking music lessons or other activities that cost $ or going to camp or going on family vacations was so much a part of my childhood development, even when my parents had to restart their careers, that I would want to be able to afford the same things to my kids. And I believe in equality, so I think all kids in the family need to be given the same opportunities.

Post # 51
Member
3975 posts
Honey bee

zero!

Post # 52
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee

@kfiorita:  So annoyed, I just typed this whole response out and when I went to post I got an error:database connection message. Poof, gone! ARGH! Anywho…

I actually have 5 kids. It is…busy and messy. Never a dull moment. I had one or two in diapers for 14 years straight (my first and last are 11 years apart). I didn’t carry a purse for several years because it was just one more thing to carry. I breast fed all 5, except one baby had to switch to bottles at 5 1/2 months and one other baby at 2 1/2 months (the other 3 I breastfed for over a year each) I 3,000,000% recommend breastfeeding, if not for the health benefits, then at the very least for the convenience. You’ll figure out your own routine and what’s easiest. But I don’t really think it makes a difference how many kids you have when there are 8+ years between the oldest and the youngest because the older kids start to help out. Not saying they’ve never all driven me crazy, but honestly the last two are the ones who drive me the most batty (they would drive me batty even if they were the only two kids I had). The first three were little angels compared to this tag-team. And then obviously, I don’t have a choice in vehicle size, I need 7 seats just to get 2 adults and 5 kids in one vehicle.

I really only have one regret about having so many, when I still had toddlers everything was such a production to go anywhere. No such thing as flying by the seat of my pants and spontaneously going anywhere, ever. Toting around diapers for 2 kids and changes of clothes for 3, toys, snacks, etc…not enough adults to hold/watch every little one for them all to get in the pool/get a push on the swing/whatever at the same time and someone ALWAYS needs to go to the bathroom!

Luckily though, it doesn’t last forever and no one is ever lonely. Now that my youngest is 6 and my oldest 17, every has calmed down. We’re pretty much out of the hurricane zone. All it takes is a little patience and a lock on your bedroom door. 🙂

Post # 53
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d love 5 or 6 kids…..but financially I think we’l stop at 3…lol. It will probably save my own sanity too! hehe. I told a mother at work today we want 3 kids and she LAUGHED AT ME!!! 

Post # 54
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband is one of four. He’s the third child. I’m the oldest of three. We’ve spoken about this before. He’s said he wants four. I said hell no, I only want two. We’ll see!

Post # 55
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am from a big family – i’m the youngest of 5 girls. I love having that many sisters, that many neices and nephews, etc.

The biggest problem I see with having so many children is money. My parents never had a lot of money – and i’m sure 5 children was a big reason as to why. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom with that many kids is i’m sure the best. My sister has 5 kids. They are much closer together then we were though. For a while she had 3 kids home with her during the day and the 2 oldest in school – i dont even want to think about what the daycare bill would be like!

But with that being said I want 3 kids. My DH is a max of 2. because “everything is a family of four so if  theres 5 then theres always an odd man out” Whatever, who cares! Haha i still think he’s nuts. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. After number 2 he might love it so much that he’ll want another one – or i might say 2 childbirths are enough!

 

Post # 56
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m another person who wonders just how keen the OP’s DH will be about having 5 children once the first has arrived. Great idea in theory but for sure, having children turns your life completely upside down! It’s a good upside down but for sure, reality really kicks in once you have real children rather than a theoretical dream!

I had 2 children in 18 months. It worked perfectly for me. Lots of work when they were both in nappies and for sure, an 18 month old isn’t going to be the greatest help with a newborn. Unlike my granddaughers where the 3 year old loves to help Mummy with her little sister. But the great benefit to me of only having 2 children close together was that I could resume a career, earn enough so that we could really enjoy life and also my boys were very close and also shared the same social circle. I could always attend school events because they were always at the same schools and I also only needed a small car rather than a bus to transport everyone around in.

I did have a friend who had 14 children. FOURTEEN! For no particular reason except that she could and quite honestly, I don’t think she knew where to stop once she got started! She and her husband are quite well off so didn’t struggle financially but certainly, her older children grew up to be deeply resentful of the fact that their childhood was spent minding their numerous smaller brothers and sisters. 

Post # 57
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

Hubby wants 2, I told him we will how the first one goes first lol.

Post # 58
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@barbie86:  +1

I say follow you’re heart though!

Post # 59
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@barbie86:  I think environmental impact is a big deal too!

Post # 60
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@kfiorita:  I’m the youngest of 5 and I LOVE it!!  We all get along really well.  We’re pretty evenly spaced, with my oldest brother 12 years older than me.  It is SO fun having a big family. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad is an engineer, and things worked really well.  We weren’t broke, because my parents made some solid financial decisions (they bought and flipped a house, and that money sent all 5 of us to university).  

Anyway, it’s not crazy – it’s been done before!  I also grew up down the street from a family with 7 kids… 6 girls and then a boy 🙂  They all shared rooms growing up, and they are still extremely close.  

I say do it!  Lol 🙂

Post # 61
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Five is crazy to me. Two is ideal. I don’t want kids but I think that’s the best number. With 3, you have to split up into 3 rows on a 2×2 airplane. You need either a big bench seat in your backseat or a third row. Etc etc etc. So five would be insane, and where would you put them all? Most houses are 3 or 4 bedrooms. 

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