(Closed) He wants 5 kids… I'm shocked!! Pros and cons?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We want 2 kids for sure! I say “maybe” 3, if the first two are the same sex, but Fiance says hell no he’s getting a vasectomy after the 2nd, lol. I would never want more than 3 kids. I’d like to be able to afford nice things for all of us 🙂

Post # 63
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My FH is the oldest of 6. He hates it, and passionately refuses to have any more than two children (which is fine with me). 

Post # 64
Hostess
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@kfiorita:  Holy moley! I would be happy with one child but DH would like to have two. I am fine with two. Four to five is absolutely out of the question. Not only would that be a huge financial burden but I can’t imagine how parents manage that many children, I am truly in awe. 

Post # 65
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kfiorita:  

We do not want children. There are four kids in my family and two in my husband’s.

It is very easy for men to say they want children. After all, they go through VERY LITTLE compared to what women have to endure. I also notice that men do precious little compared to their wives when it comes to raising kids. 

I don’t care if people want to have big families. I do feel sad for women who have big families, but no identity outside of being a wife and a mother. 

Post # 66
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband told me from day two of meeting him that he wanted 5 kids! He comes from a big family that is really close. I only have one brother and to be honest wish I had more siblings! It’s so nice how close he is with his brothers and sisters and our nieces and nephews! I think he became the man he is because of growing up with so many siblings. It’s made him a strong and loving man. We are due to have our first baby this Feb! (or in a couple days *fingers crossed* and definitely know we want at least 4 if not 5!

Post # 67
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would be worried about feeding 5 kids (especially once they are teenagers). I would also be worried about playing for all of them to be in sports or activities, college, etc. Not to mention every kid getting enough attention… I’m not a parent, but it sure seems like a tall order to say the least. 

Post # 68
Member
2291 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband has said that he wants 2-3. I only want one. We’ll see what happens.

To me having an only child is ideal, because we’d be able to provide him/her with so much more! We could send him/her to private school like we want, we could travel with him/her all the time, we could send him/her to an excellent University, I’d like him/her to speak a second language, etc. I want my child to have wonderful experiences and I think that is more realistic with one. Also, I have 5 younger sisters and even though I love them each so much I used to wish I was an only child growing up. As the oldest I’ve always felt like I was a second mother to all the girls and that is the last thing I want for my offspring.

My husband hasn’t really given me any reasons why he wants 2-3. I think he just doesn’t like the “only child” sterotype, but we’ll talk about it more when the time comes. If we have one and he truly desires to have another then I would seriously consider it. My limit, however, is two. After that second one the tubes are gettin’ tied!

Post # 69
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@kfiorita:  I come from a family of 9 kids. DH just has him and his sister. I absolutely loved growing up in a big family. There’s never a dull moment. I have always wanted at least 4-6 kids. DH really wants a big family too. He thinks my family is just the greatest thing in the world:)

Post # 70
Member
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH has always said 2-3, I’ve always said 4-5. Now that I’m pregnant, I’m thinking 3 is fine. At most.

Though I’m 1 of 4, and I absolutely love it!

Post # 71
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@kfiorita:  I am the oldest of 9 kids (yes, nine, all from the same parents, too, who are still happily married!) FH is the youngest of 3. Having a lot of kids can be stressful, but the older the oldest ones get, the more they can help with the younger ones, chores, dinner, moral support, etc. My mom said it got way easier as time went on. You learn to choose your battles and not worry as much, lol. If you have the personality for it and the resources to do it, it can be a lot of fun and a great environment to grow up in 🙂 (FH and I have not “picked a number”…we’re gonna see where life leads us!)

Post # 72
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@hisgirl10:  Big families ftw! Happy to see another Bee coming from a large, large family.

Post # 73
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@kfiorita:  Just wait until you’ve had one! Now that I’ve had my first, I think it was crazy of me saying I want 3 children before even knowing what it would be like being a parent. I still would like 3 children, but becoming a parent can be a huge shock!

Post # 74
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

If that’s what he’s said, have you talked to him more about why? While this is something that COULD change, it’s also something that could be a gigantic dealbreaker later on in your marriage. It’s one thing to have slightly different visions (i.e., he wants one, you want two, but both are OK if it doesn’t work out exactly as desired), but I’d explore deeper and see if this is a necessity for him. Would he be fine with 1 – 2? If so, sweet, no problems.

We are settled on one, possibly two, and hammered it all out around the time we got engaged.

I like being able to put all of my resources (financial, time, etc.) into very few children. I also plan to space them somewhat closely – 2 to 3 years apart – so I won’t be rearing kids forever (I know families who had kids spaced out over 10 or 20 years…they were raising kids from 30 to 60!).

I like the idea of raising them and then having my retirement years mostly set aside. I anticipate that one or both kids might be home until 25 or 30, just given how the world works nowadays. I don’t mind that. But, I won’t end up spending all of my retirement years raising my kids.

I like the idea of being young enough for all of the kids. I had a significantly older brother and the amount of resources my parents could put into rearing me were notably less.

I like the idea that I could save and pay for the college educations of one or two kids over 20 years. And…that inheritance would be much easier, especially if we only have one.

I don’t see any downsides to having only one or two, to be honest. Enough to be a parent, but few enough that I am not spread so thin that I can’t pursue other things (i.e., side career, education, etc.).

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