- 1 year ago
Sorry for the long message, I’m at a loss of what to do.
My partner and I have been together for 4 years. He’s the love of my life and I can’t imagine being without him and we’re really happy. We’ve held each other together through thick and thin over the years and we’re both close to each others families. We’ve lived together for 3 years and have recently bought a house (after some pushing on my, and my families, part).
We’re really solid as a couple and I have no doubts about him. There’s only 1 sticking point…
He wants us to start a family. He’s put a time line on it and wants to start trying in 8 months. I’m thrilled, but he’s missing something. I’ve been waiting 2.5 years for him to propose. It’s really important to me that we’re married before we have kids, but he doesn’t see the point. To him, marriage can wait. The idea of having kids before I’m married terrorfies me, especially seeing as both his brothers had kids with long term partners and left them, plus to not share my child’s name breaks my heart, they won’t belong to me by name
Last leap year we’d been together 18 months, I knew he was the one, but knew that he’d rather proposes. So I made a scrap book of us with a letter in the back to him; saying that I loved him, that I knew I wanted to marry him and the next leap year, if nothing had changed, I’d propose. That was 2.5 years ago.
The baby conversation, initiated by him, has put us at odds, and left me confused. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and build a family with me. I tod him that I needed to be married first, to which he said alright then, and we stared talking wedding dates and budgets ect. The next night he bringsuup the conversation that he doesn’t think we can afford to get married that until we found realistic numbers he didn’t want us to be engaged, so with his blessing I did research. I showed him a very cheap and small wedding (what we had fuss cussed) to which he announces that he doesn’t see the point of marriage, that we have a mortgage together, what more commitment did I need. However 2 months ago I over heard a friend ask him when he’s going to propose, and he said soon… Was he fobbing her off?
If we’re going to be married before we have kids we’re running out of time.
I know it’s stupid, the fact it’s important to me to be married before kids; but it’s also partly because it’s kind of my only chance. My family are seriously against marriage after kids. They feel if you have kids first, there’s no point in getting married and they won’t support the expense when you should be saving / focused on your children. To a point I understand.
I’m so lost and hurt, I don’t know what to do. Advice and thoughts greatly recieved.