Can I just check how your finances work.
1. Do you both put all your money into a joint account?
2. Do you have joint ownership of your house/flat?
3. Have you both got life insurance that will pay off the mortgage should one of you die?
4. Have you both made wills so that the other will benefit should one of you die?
5. Are you named executors of each other’s wills?
6. Do you both have documentation that enables you to be next of kin in case one of you has an accident and the other needs to make medical decisions?
These are very unromantic questions but I am wondering whether your SO is against marriage or against commitment. Perhaps answering these questions will enable you to find out.
You can’t force him to marry you. He cannot (except by an illegal act) force you to have children. So you have to decide what is best for you.
If he has objected to marriage on the grounds of cost and then, when you’ve found an affordable option, objected to marriage on the grounds of not seeing the point in it, then he is being dishonest and manipulative. I would suggest that this is incredibly problematic to your relationship. Your relationship should be both straightforward and truthful. Moving the goalposts on marriage is not a good sign. This making you feel unreasonable and now refusing to talk to you about marriage is an even worse sign.
I have to say at this point, what your family think – marriage before children – is neither here nor there. It is what you think that counts. If it is really important to you then I think that you need to stick to your guns.
If you do decide to stay, not get married and yet have children, please make sure that all the financial things are in place first. If he objects to any of them then you are placing yourself at financial risk. If he leaves you then you could be in great difficulty.
If he objects then it is likely that at best he is unable to share what he has, and at worst he has no firm intention of making any meaningful financial commitments to you or future children.
I think that other Bees have given you similar advice. Make sure that you listen to us.