Post # 1
We are at the stage where important decisions are being made. One such decision is gifts. No offense to any bees out there, but because we both have jobs, no kids, are in our 30’s, and can provide quite well for ourselves, I think it’s appalling to register for gifts. I just do. My dear fiance, however, not only wants to ask for cash instead of gifts (shudder), but he also wants a dollar dance – which is out of the question.
I am very independant and the only registry I would consider is one for OxFam or another charity. But he’s right in that this wedding is about both of us and I can’t simply make a decision for both of us.
What should we do? Thanks for your responses!
Post # 3
Weddings are considered a gift-giving occasion and most of your guests will expect and want to give you something. Giving gifts for the wedding isn’t about your financial situation, it’s just a way for guests to wish you well and be a part of your married life. If you don’t register, you will probably still get gifts, but they will be either cash or random items that you may not like or be able to take back. So, I would recommend creating a honeymoon registry or small registry so people who insist on buying a gift can get your something you will really appreciate.
Post # 4
I can understand your thoughts. My FI’s brother and SIL were in a similar position. They were both in their 30’s, no kids, and they had lived together for a little while. They did have a registry, albeit small. They upgraded some things around their house, and they had a few things that they were wanting.
I like the idea of creating a small registry. I would say proceed with caution on the honeymoon registry. In some areas they can be a touchy subject. For our situation, creating a honeymoon registry wouldn’t go over with the majority of our guests. Just something to think about.
Post # 5
People are going to want to give you gifts whether you want them or not. They are also going to give you cash 🙂 My suggestion is to have a small registry for gifts and another charity registry or similar. We did this – some people gave us gifts, but a big bunch gave to the charity of our choice which made us very happy and meant we didn’t have more “stuff” and knew someone else was able to benefit from our friends’ generosity. I wouldn’t ask for cash (or a contribution to the honeymoon for that matter) – I think it’s rude, and people are going to give it to you if they want to. We got a fair bit (even with all the other options we gave guests). I know the dollar dance is a cultural/regional thing (definitely never seen in Australia) so won’t comment on that!
Post # 6
Compromise 🙂 Create a small registry and also a charity registry. Pass via word of mouth that really, honestly, no gifts are necessary, but if they feel so inclined, name of charity. You’ll get a mix according to people’s preferences but I doubt few will choose to skip it entirely.
Post # 7
Don’t register if it bothers you that much. If people give physical gifts, you can donate them to charity and if they give money, you can do the same.
Post # 8
That is a fantastic point.
Ladies – thank you so much for your help. I really don’t want to offend anybody, you’re absolutely right. Hmmm, now to decide on the registry.
Post # 9
I would just not register (unless he wants to, then you’ll have to work that out). I think people will end up giving you cash. Then you both win: you don’t have to feel like you’re asking people for anything, but you still get cash like he wants 🙂
Post # 9
OP-I totally agree with you and your stance on the subject. I find it mildly horrific that we would allow anyone to buy us gifts at this time in our lives. The idea of them giving us money really does make chunks rise in my throat.
I would not be able to register. Unless it was for donations to a charity or organization we believe in. People will still send you unsolicted gifts which does become another issue all together.
My SO agrees with my feelings and I’m thankful for that because this just makes me want to claw my eyes out!!!
Post # 10
My husband felt the same way you did, so we didn’t register at all. (Although we’re actually NOT that well off!! He is just deeply opposed to the whole idea of registries.) I’m glad we stuck to what was important to him/us, but some people gave us no end of shit about it. You’d think we kicked all their puppies by declining to register.
I suggest picking a charity registry and sticking to that. Another suggestion I like is to register with 10,000 Villages, Uncommon Goods, or the gift shop of a museum you love – that way people get to buy you stuff, but the money also goes to good causes.
Post # 11
We are a well established couple, having lived together for 8 years. We’ve always been of the mindset that whatever we buy, we buy top end so it will last and not have to be replaced. Well, that made registering VERY difficult and stressful because we really didn’t have anything we needed.
Our families were insistent upon having a bridal shower, so we did set up a registry. We kept it fairly small, especially for our size wedding (300 people). We decided that there are always small things that can be replaced. We ended up registering for new towels, sheets, bathroom decor (we’ll be renovating out master soon), bedding, and small kitchen tools. There were a couple of miscellaneous things but you won’t find a kitchenaid mixer or dyson on ours, because we already have those things.
Post # 13
@mightywombat: Those are AWESOME ideas. Thanks!! 🙂
Post # 14
I registered for things I would never upgrade for myself. China, a frame, a candle holder, hand mixer, serving items.
The way I saw it, no, we didn’t NEED to upgrade those things since we have them, but if someone happened to want to give it to us, I was ok with that.
Post # 15
@kay01: I like that idea!
Post # 16
An important reminder though – is to remember gift giving really isnt about you LOL its about other people wanting you to know that they care about you.
For example ~
The same way you are not going to tell a small 5 year old child to take their colored handmade picture back because its not want you want, is the same way you must (MUST) treat people who are your guests.
Just a gentle reminder :)!