(Closed) He wants it, I don’t

posted 9 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
497 posts
Helper bee

Is there a way to request that they do this at the rehearsal dinner?  That way you aren’t inf front of all of your guests and it would maybe feel more appropriate than if it were at the wedding?

Post # 4
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

Are you having a DJ? Sometimes a good DJ can help limit the timing of the speeches and "keep things moving."

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

You made some great points.  Have you said these exact things to your FI?

My opinion would be to compromise.  Let him have a speech from his best man (maybe dad).  The people to give speeches, Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor, are pretty typical.  Fathers aren’t unheard of either.  Brothers?  At this point I’d say no.  Sorry, but it sounds like your guests are going to get 15 minutes of lectures on your FI’s life history.  And to top it off, it will be unbalanced because you won’t get a speech from Maid/Matron of Honor, and a pretty brief one from dad.  I would keep it to Bridesmaid or Best Man speech.  If FOG speech is needed to keep peace, fine.  But that’s it.  And if neither of them is going to acknowledge you, then perhps Fiance can give a speech.  (As long as it is limited to just your relationship, the wedding, etc.)

Good luck.

Post # 7
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You could ask them to write down their toasts beforehand and have them let you review it. That way you can veto anything too personal or cut anything that’s too long. I wish I had done this at my wedding. My dad’s toast was terrible.

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I say compromise on how many speeches at the wedding- try to get him to agree with one from each of your families. Just explain you are very uncomfortable with the speeches to begin with and there are way too many being considered that will take up too much time. So 2 total at the actual wedding and everyone else at the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 9
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I like Mrs. Corn’s suggestion of having these speeches at the rehearsal dinner.  That way, your fiance’s family can give their speeches, but you won’t have to worry about putting your family on the spot, or the speeches taking up time at the actual reception.

FWIW, my husband really wanted his brother to give the blessing at our wedding.  I was pretty against it, as I know that his brother has very strong beliefs that we don’t really share.  I relented and let it happen and it…was really, very uncomfortable.  His speech went on and on…and he said some things that I absolutely do not agree with, and I felt the same way as you described, trying to smile while I was totally unhappy.  So I guess, my best advice is if you think you don’t want it to happen at the ceremony, I’d ask to  have it happen at the rehearsal.  

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