(Closed) He wants kids…I don't.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Unfortunately, I also agree it’s a deal breaker. 

Post # 32
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Yes, unfortunately, I am on board with everyone else, having been through a very similar situation, but the other way around.  It is totally a dealbreaker, which is extremely hard to both hear and deal with. 

You love this man.  But if you feel this strongly, and obviously he does as well, then you need to just gently understand that this is something it’s better you find out now and go your separate ways, because it WILL end in a divorce situation over 98% of the time, sad to say.

My thoughts are with you, but yes, this is one of the biggest dealbreakers that could ever be in a relationship.  Best of luck, and prayers to you.

Post # 34
Member
5948 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

animalex:  Unfortunately this is one those dealbreakers. One person is going to be very, very unhappy in the relationship eventually. Sad, but true.

 

ETA: Oh haha ! I once did that to my ex-husband. I had actually been feeling sick, went to the MD on 4-1, and called to tell him I was preggo. We didn’t want kids. Booyah!

Post # 35
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Dealbreaker. But since he didn’t always want kids of his own but seems to be going that way now, give this a try. Take kids of friends of family for the weekend. Don’t tell him the point you are trying to make but let him see the tantrums (taking akid for ice cream is great until the sugar crash and jumping on the bed), kid waking up at an ungodly hour on the weekend….. Go to a friend’s house and have him change a diaper. Get him around more than just the good, let him see the bad and the ugly. If he remains firm that he wants to have kids then it is sad but it is a dealbreaker. End it.  I only made these suggestions because since he always liked kids but didn’t want them, he may be romantizing the idea. He may have a blast coaching little league, or volunteering at a community centre or Big Brothers. A once a week fun commitment to a child(children) may be what he wants. Parenthood is a full time job, no sick days, no time off, stress, worry and not all fun and games.

 

****I do not hate kids. Fi and I each are 60/40 on the kids idea. 60% sure we want one. Just incase anyone though I was hating on kids

Post # 36
Member
8988 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

animalex:  Hmmm, that surely is a terrible ‘sense of humour’ if it was a joke. Could be you scared him though  and he thinks he’ll cover for now and leave it for a while.  

You say ‘people think I’ll wake up one morning and decide I want babies’ but it is never going to happen.

 That’s not how it happens , waking up one  morning etc. And at 22 you cannot know “it is never going to happen”  about anything. At all.  I don’t mean to make light of your resolve , but at 22  it’s hard to imagine  how much more life you have to live and how it can change.    

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