(Closed) He wants the a church wedding, and I don’t..help!

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

One thing I’ve realized with planning is that I do make most of the decisions, and if anything is ever important to me, even a little, J is so quick to give in. So if he expresses anything as being important to him, I am trying my best to accomodate that, because I know he won’t push for it himself, and I want it to be our wedding, not mine.

Post # 4
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Do you mind me asking which church you belong to?  In my church, I have to get married in the church building.  I don’t really understand why, but that’s the case.  However, many churches don’t have this requirement.  If your church does not, would it be okay with your Fiance to have a religious ceremony outside without the church building? Or, since your reception is at a location where there is already a garden, could you have a church wedding and have some sort of outdoor ceremony? 

Post # 5
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

After my fiance proposed I said, No churches and No Country clubs! I liked the idea of an ocean view or garden ceremony, or something nature related.

I live in southern ca and I must have visited every ocean-front hotel and villa from laguna to oxnard as well as the south coast botanical gardens (were a wedding was taking place), which was gorgeous. We even visited a historical library just steps from the beach view and Long beach modern art museum overlooking the ocean. It was actually allot of fun!

But in the end, no place seemed as special and as sacred as the church we selected for the ceremony. I started to notice durring viewings of the other places that people could meander around the ceremony at any time. In photos of ceremonies, i would often see gawkers in the background, especially if it was at a public place.

There ceremony really is the most important part for us and even though we are not particularly spiritual, the curch was really the only place that felt special enough for our vows.

I hope this is helpful! I think it easy to get caught up in the fanasy of the perfect day, but if you two have something special, like a church you both attend or shared faith, that might be something special that defines you as a couple.

Post # 6
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I agree – maybe you could have a religious ceremony in a non-church location? We are having the ceremoy outside and the reception inside, at the same location of this beautiful park!! Ultimately, you will have to compromise on this, but maybe find a way that you both agree on?

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m not sure how you could manage to get both ecxcept have your religious ceremony outside because you can’t have it inside AND outside…and you already booked it. Especially tough if you both feel VERY strongly about it. I was really adamant about not having a church wedding and he was apathetic so we went with the outdoors. It was just beautiful..i’m more of a sucker for scenery than i am a church, but that’s me. Where’d the change of heart come from?

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

my hubby was the same. he wanted a big, traditional, invite everyone youve ever met wedding at a church. however, he had zero desire to help plan or pay for such an affair, so we did what i wanted.

do you already have the church picked out? make this FIs job: contact priest, determine all fees, times, necessary classes.  If after doing all the footwaork (assuming he does all the footwork), you’ll see how important it is to him.

Post # 9
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am not religious by any means. He comes from a Catholic family. Ever since I was little I wanted an outdoor wedding, but now my feelings have sort of changed. Inside of a Church would be less work… I mean the seating is already there and the weather has no effect! A while ago, I said I wanted to get married outside… he basically said I could do what I wanted. We would be the first of his family not to be married in a Church. Despite what he said, I know he really wants to be married in the Church. So, we’ll compromise – best way to start off a marriage! – I think. Ceremony in the Church and reception somewhere fun!

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I was in the same situation as you but the opposite.  I wanted (and by wanted I mean required) a Catholic wedding, and he wanted the outdoor wedding in a garden.  The Catholic church only marries you inside the church, so we had a church ceremony and then a garden reception.

Post # 11
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think you guys have to figure out who’s opinion is stronger. For example, if he wants a church ceremony, but in the end, it won’t bother him if you have a garden ceremony, go with the garden. BUT, if he’s really gung-ho on the church thing and thinks he’ll regret it later on, and the garden ceremony really isn’t as important to you as the church thing is to him, go with the church ceremony.

Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee

It’s all about picking your battles. If it isn’t important to him he probably wouldn’t have even brought it up. I’ve compromised on several things and so has my fiance. I pick and choose what I want to compromise on – like…….the groomsmen are wearing hot pink flowers on their lapel but they get to wear chucks.

Post # 13
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know this is a bit outside of the box, but why not do both?  I’m Catholic, & as stated before, we MUST be wedded in a Catholic Church, but both Fiance & I are outdoorsy-types.  So we’re having a Catholic ceremony AND an outdoor ceremony (Catholic one first) – without a “reception”, the church ceremony will be less than $1000…we originally were going to have a family dinner afterwards.  If your budget allows, maybe do a romantic, private, chapel style ceremony (with just your bridal party & immediate family) & then invite everyone to a bigger, less formal outdoor ceremony. 

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