(Closed) He wants to break up

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unless you are 18 and he’s 70 it sounds like he is making a mountian out of a molehill.

Post # 20
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Ms CH:  I am so very sorry to hear this.. reading your posts it sounds to me like he has a case of ‘inferiority complex’… and that after thinking about the Video from your Ex he has now ‘overthought’ the entire situation. 

It seems odd that he stated that he is upset that you took away any chance to reconcile by telling your friends… because what i read from that statement is that he wants you to ‘Chase’ him possibly to see just how much you really do want to be with him, because he was the one that told you of this decision HE made in the beginning…but he was still thinking or reconciling!!?? (that kinda sounds like game playing to me). 

I think your doing the right thing by giving him some space and writing a letter to him to explain your side of this.. BUT my advise would be to ask him NOT to make decisions for you…which is what he is doing by leaving you based on the factor that he cannot give you what you need!! If YOU are willing to accept him for who and what he is (age and all) then HE should be willing to accept that YOU are happy with that…

Love is Love no matter where you may find it.. and it very often does not come to us in the package that we thought it would! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 21
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If the best example he can give you is a jealous ex’s YouTube message, then he’s being ridiculous and I truly hope he gets over it. Nothing is more frustrating than being told what you need by someone else, when the only person who truly knows what you need is YOU. Please stay strong. I know it feels horrible right now, but try to think positive. Regardless, you will come out at the top of this situation.

Post # 22
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This all sounds so ridiculous that I have to believe that there’s something else going on here.  Like, maybe he wants to break up but doesn’t want to be the bad guy…?

Post # 25
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would also add, that if he says he’s serious about breaking up, writing the letter that you’ve proposed is probably one of the worst things you can do.  You won’t look like you’re giving him time and space to gather his thoughts, it’ll look like you’re offering to wait around for him, hoping he changes his mind.  That will not turn his head, if you’re hoping to accomplish that.  Being strong and moving forward with your life might.

But then, I think you should question whether you want to be with someone who seems to be trying so hard to leave you…

Post # 26
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Ms CH:  I really feel for you in this because it is so hard to deal with a break up that does not seem to make sence (no cheating etc!).. BUT at 48 he could be going through the ‘Mid life Crisis’ as they say and he is having wobbles that as your younger you would later find someone else…. TOTALY unfounded of course BUT men think differenetly than we women do. 

I would tell him that as he stated to you that he will always love you but just not be together…that IF he truly loved you he would be WITH you because there is NOTHING preventing him from being so only himself and his own fears.  Do you think he would be open to going to talk to a therapist of sorts??  I feel like he is judging you on your age and what you may do in the future BUT you cannot live life on ‘What if’s”…. perhaps a third party could get him toopen up to these fears and help him through them… ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 27
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Am I reading this right?  He’s 48 and never married?  That would be a man with serious committment issues.

Unless and until he decides to get professional help, there’s really nothing the OP can do but move on.  

 

Post # 28
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sassy411:  Yeah, I noticed that too. Maybe he’s been married and got divorced? Otherwise, i agree about the commitment issues.

OP, one of my closest friends was 24 and dating a 47 year old man that had never married. He broke up with her one day out of the blue after promising the world to her. They had been together for 3 years. She was understandably devastated. It turned out he was going through a mid-life crisis and a year later he wanted to get back together. By that point she realized that their future wasn’t looking very rosy – if they had kids, he would be a senior citizen by the time they were in Middle School. Plus, she realized that a man who truly loved her like he said he did wouldn’t just leave her. It will get better with time and remember, everything happens for a reason. There is a man out there that will cherish you and want to marry you.  *hugs*

Edit to say that him not being excited for the wedding was a red flag. Sure he might not want to pick the color of the linens or dream up color schemes but most guys I know that are married or engaged are excited about something (usually it’s picking the DJ or the food lol). 

Post # 29
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sassy411:  Yaaa that is a concerning factor.  I think all the OP can do is to wait and see what he says.  You aren’t going ot change a mans mind. 

Post # 30
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My dad and his wife are 22 years apart, too. My dad is 54 and she is 32, and they just had a baby together. I’m honestly just waiting for the day she looks at him as an old man and she is still young and spritely, and decides to move on with her life. I’m not saying anything bad against your relationship and I understand you are totally devastated, but perhaps it’s for the best. Just think if you wanted kids they might have a higher risk for some sort of disorder because he is older, and he won’t be able to see his children grow up in the way he should. If you truly love him though no matter what, I hope everything works out for the best for you two.

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