(Closed) He wants to cancel the honeymoon?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think I would still go.  You’re throwing almost $3000 out the window if you don’t and I don’t think I could justify that.  I go, down-grade the hotel room and see if you can use your points to cover all or part of your remaining balance.  Eat cheaply, don’t go out on extra excursions, etc.  Just relax around the hotel and spend timein bed with your new husband.

Post # 48
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I admit, I would be upset too, but there were unforseen circumstances that occured.  Did your DH know he was going to go 3 months without being paid?  If not, I can’t blame him for wanting to make sure you guys are ok.  I understand your frustration, because I too initially had to cancel my honeymoon and postpone it.  I guess on the bright side, atleast you have a husband that does care for your financial future.  It’s not like he wants to use the money for something that’s not important, because car payments and mortgage payments are pretty important bills.  I know it’s hard to deal with, but do you really want to be on your honeymoon not knowing how bills are going to be paid?  If you have the money in savings, or your salary alone can comfortably support you two (and your DH is just be an overly cautious worrier like myself lol) then go on the honeymoon.  But if you guys won’t be able to pay your bills if your DH doesn’t get paid any time soon, then I think the answer is pretty clear, no matter how much it sucks.

I don’t completely know your situation, so I apologize if I’m misunderstanding.  I just know how hard it is when things come up that you couldn’t forsee.  My DH said we could take a sweet trip to Vegas for my 30th birthday…but….the economy sucks and he  has been unemployed for quite some time..  Crap happens….kind of like your situation.

Post # 49
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmmm…I just came back from Kauai.  Food was really expensive…Even groceries there are expensive.  9 dollars for a gallon of milk.  Plus I am assuming you have a car rental booked too, which is more money…I guess I don’t really know what to say now.  Eating cheap is HARD.  The good thing is you can just lay around and do nothing.  Even burgers were like $12 per person.  But I would be really upset to lose all that money too.  You could just bring alot of beef jerky and granola bars 🙂  I hope that everything works out for you, but looks like you have bigger issues ahead.  Good luck with everything. 

Post # 50
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Usually “non-refundable” plane tickets means they won’t give you the money back, but they usually will give you a voucher that is good for a year, so as long as you use them in that time, it shouldn’t be a problem. Plus I agree with PP that most hotels have a smaller cancellation window, have you called them to see if you definitely had to cancel by September 1st?

I can’t help but thing there are probably bigger issues here than risking losing money on your honeymoon. It sounds really fishy to me that your husband hasn’t gotten pain in months. I think you guys need to put your efforts towards that instead!

Post # 51
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

any updates?

Post # 53
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Change hotels if you can, check the ones I PM’d you about. I know you want to stay at your hotel, but it sounds like its either stay in your hotel & maybe cancel & lose all that money or maybe you’ll be okay for the first week, but if you run out of money while there & have no money for food… well, you’ll be stuck on vacation without anything to eat :(.

I vote get a cheap room, you’re not going to care about your room, you’re going to care about the fun honeymoon & things to do while there. If it were me, I’d get the cheapest room at a low cost hotel & spend the money I do have on fun things like going snorkeling & on trips. Even a cheap hotel, I’m sure it will have nice views & you can always go outside.

Post # 54
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So you’ll lose out on $3k if you cancel?  But if you don’t cancel, you’ll probably spend another $3k just for rental car, food and activities.  Financially speaking, if your Fiance says “he can’t put any money in” and you said so yourself that you both “can’t really afford to do anything,” I would take that as a sign to just walk away and take the $3k loss.

Post # 56
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I have been following this thread since the beginning, but have no advice. It’s surely a difficult decision. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I think I would go on the vacation. I would hate to give up those thousands of dollars and not even get anything out of it. Best of luck to you. I hope you figure it out soon.

Post # 57
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@Luxuryshoegal88: 

I’m honestly not trying to pile on your right now, because I’d hate to be faced with canceling my honeymoon. But you have got WAY bigger problems than this honeymoon right now. For one, you and your husband can’t communicate. You’re not agreeing on what was said would be done regarding who was paying for what, and now you’re at a standstill because you both think you said one thing and the other is wrong. Two, you feel lied to by your husband, but if what you’re saying is true, he can’t help the fact that he wasn’t paid for work he did. If he legitimately performed work that he legitimately is not getting paid for, there’s no reason to accuse him of lying when he thought he’d have the money. However, if you suspect something else is going on which is why he hasn’t gotten paid, that’s a whole other can of worms. Third, you two are married and still have a “mine and yours” attitude toward money, even when it comes to WEDDING GIFT money! No! It’s BOTH of yours at this point, and you two should be on the same page with how it’s spent, not trying to spend it before the other one can. And fourth, the Mother-In-Law shouldn’t be speaking of you like that to your husband and that needs to stop, ESPECIALLY if she’s staying in your home while saying it.

Honestly, the honeymoon is the least of your problems. These things all need to be addressed, STAT, or you’re going to find yourself in this boat over and over again during your marriage. 

Post # 58
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@ohheavenlyday: I absolutely agree. The whole part about splitting the money based on who’s side the guests were from was wrong on so many levels.

I am also confused when you say you feel lied to. Was he lying to you about being paid the past 3 months? And if so, how did you not notice? Especially since you say that amount is 30k + double his salary as a bonus.

Post # 59
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

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@yellowshoe: Her husband works for a start up company and hasn’t been paid yet. And he told her he’d pay for the hotel if she paid for the wedding vendors since he didn’t have the money (he told her this the day of the wedding), and then apparently told her he didn’t remember ever saying that.

I completely agree that you have bigger problems than the honeymoon. Why isn’t he telling his mother that he can’t speak to/about his wife that way? You’re supposed to be a team here and it doesn’t sound like you’re working like one yet. I’d be beyond frustrated, too.

Post # 60
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

Ok wait a min. Your husband said that he would cover the wedding and you would cover the honeymoon and waited until THE WEDDING DAY to say that he didn’t have the money?! How on earth did you not flip out?! AND THEN he used all of the wedding money without telling you??? I dont mean to sound rude, but you need to talk to him about equal partnership. OK guys go through tough times, understandable. BUT never is it ok to start making decisions about your mutual life without the other person’s input. Maybe you should just go on the Honeymoon by yourself.

Post # 61
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

BTW– have anything else to sell?

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