(Closed) He Wants to Cancel the Wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  (((hug)))

Post # 5
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My heart is breaking for you.  Sending many many hugs your way.  I know this is going to suck but  – if he is going to let a friend and drinking allow himself to treat you like this it is better you find out now than after you guys got married.  As for telling your son – If I were you I would do it myself.  I understand your feeling like this is HIS doing so let HIM to do ugly part, but the simple truth is, He is not invested in your son the way you are.  You will handle this with love and truth.  He is upset and angry and will probably tell your son in a way that is not the best way for a child to hear it.  I agree with him on this part – keep your son out of this.  The relationship you need to keep strong and healthy is between you and your child.  Make sure that your son knows that he had nothing to do with the break up and that you will never ever stop loving him(your son). 

You will get over this, be strong for your son.  People care…  Keep us posted πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh, I’m so sorry. How awful.

It doesn’t sound like you treated him badly at all, at least not from what you’ve written in this post. Asking him to cal the vendors and talk to your child is completely reasonable. Don’t feel bad, at least not about that. 

If I were you, I would not contact him. I would let him really get used to the idea of what he’s done, and I’d give *myself* time to process and heal from such a bomb. This isn’t the kind of thing that I would be able to just bounce back from, if he should come crawling back. This is a major, major move that he’s made — give yourself time to process. That’s my best advice. Sorry this is happening. πŸ™

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry hun! Just know that as decemberbride said, if he is that easily influenced by a friend before you even get married, how would he be able to handle other influences such as a woman coming onto him? You don’t deserve that, and trust me you WILL find someone who wants to be with you and will treat you right. I went through a failed engagement before I found my now fiance who is the one, and trust me, be thankful that he revealed himself to you now instead of after  you got married. Hugs to you and you WILL get through this!!

Post # 10
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@soon2bmrsgarcia: That sucks, I am sorry! But I would suggest rather than thinking of this as “giving him his space” you think of it as time to consider what YOU really want. If one night out with a friend is going to have him running…especially when there is a child who has grown attached to him…is that a person you think will be there for you when things get really hard? 

People have cold feet and they panic, if that is what this is, then he has a communication problem. There will be moments in every relationship where we think “OMG, can’t do this, must flee!” but its how we cope with those moments and work through them that matters.

I agree with the posters who said let him see how it feels to live without you. If he is miserable, he will find a way to reach you. If he is happier…well, why would you want to be with a man happier without you?

Post # 11
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Rubies: So well said!! You said everything I was going to say!

Post # 12
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I certainly don’t want to come off as bashing the OP, but what makes everyone think he just left because his friend influenced him? I think there’s more to the situation than any of us can know. If this man is semi-rational, he probably wouldn’t end it just because a friend’s bad experience influenced him. Fiance and I are around bitter people who hate their marriages and try to tell us not to do it. We have never considered ending our relationship because of it though. Unless he was already unhappy, I just don’t see one night out with a friend convincing him to call off his wedding. 

Op said “the other half knows that I could have treated him better.” It’s not really fair to say the OP did nothing wrong just based on the information in the post. And I would tend to agree with the Fiance here. Telling him that he has to tell your son is manipulation, and I think in your gut you kinda know that. 

Op, I am truly sorry you are going through this πŸ™ I hope you don’t take offense to any of what I have said, I am just trying to be honest. I think you need to take a good hard look at what made your relationship not “all sunshine and roses,” give your Fiance the little bit of space he’s asking for (without freaking out, texting, calling repeatedly–doesn’t count if you do) and then hopefully at some point in the future you two can sit down and talk about what you both need to do to repair the relationship. Good luck and I hope you are able to resolve this πŸ™‚

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