(Closed) He wants to elope; I want a wedding

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you haven’t really let your FH know how you feel and have “caved in” to his opinions and are now regretting it. Have you had a heart-to-heart with him about this? How does he feel knowing that you’re upset that your close family and friends cannot attend this?

Post # 4
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You need to have a sit down talk w/him.

Yes, 2500 is a lot of money and it should not be spent on one side of the family either.

I say talk, air gently your thoughts, and then plan a destination wedding like we’re going to do!  We’re having 50 or less folks attending, getting married in a beautiful church, and then having a really fun reception near the ocean!

Also get feedback from the encore board on how your fi may be feeling right now.  My Fiance and I are both encores so we’ve both been married again.  While we’re not doing the huge gargantuan wedding again, we’re doing what we wished we could have done the first time!

I see a destination wedding as a true compromise to both your situations.  Hugs and good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry this is happening, but it does sound like you got wrangled into this and aren’t happy. It’s a two-sided thing, there should be compromises in a wedding. Sit down with your Fiance and tell him how you feel. You guys need to do what YOU guys wanna do, even if that means telling the family “hey we changed our mind” because that happens with wedding planning.

Figure out what would make you happy in regards to the wedding. What are you willing to give up but what is a necessity? If he wants the wedding and you want to cancel, you have to find an in-between option.

Elope, have a honeymoon while you’re there, come home, have a fun backyard celebration and invite all the family AND friends you wanted to have this dinner with.

$2500 is a lot of money for you to be unhappy (not to mention you’re basicaly treating his family to dinner but you get no friends there! NOT cool). If you aren’t comfortable spending it (from your post it sounds like it’s JUST you, right?) and it feels wrong in your heart, you have to go off that.

Don’t worry about what everyone else (aka his family) thinks. You have to do what you guys wanna do. They’ll get over it

Post # 6
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

The biggest thing that stands out to me: he has already had a wedding, you have not. I think you deserve to get that too. I think that eloping with 6 close family members then having a reception later is a totally great compromise, and he should really understand why this is important to you!

Post # 7
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

It makes sense that he wouldn’t want a huge wedding, but you definitely deserve to have your family and close friends there to witness the event if you want to. Why don’t you focus on this when you talk to him – not the decor or personalization, but the fact that your family members should be able to attend the actual wedding – not an event a few months after, but the wedding itself. His family should be able to understand this as well when you reschedule the ceremony. 

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am really sorry!

I don’t think you should feel like you are going back on your word but you are not – he changed what this elopement would be by invited a larger amount of family members.

I think you need to talk to him straight forwardly (don’t be passive aggressive) tell him flat out what you agreed to and now you don’t think this elopement is fulfilling the agreement.

Maybe you two could compromise on a small wedding in a few months which will give you a bit more time to plan your perfect wedding but he will still get his small intimate wedding in the near future!

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ugh sorry you’re going through this!  I completely feel your pain on the whole agreeing to things because you don’t like conflict and want your FH to be happy, and then realizing later that YOU’RE not happy.  I do that A LOT, and not just with the FH. 

I agree with other posters who said you should tell your FH that you want to go back to the 6-person private dinner idea and do the big(er) reception later on when you can plan it.  Since you’ll presumably be inviting all of his guests to that reception, they should hopefully not be (too) offended to be uninvited from the private dinner.  And it’s just not fair that he gets to invite so many people and you can’t invite your friends!

Good luck!! 

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