(Closed) he wants to fulfill his fantasy, but what about mine?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’ve been in your shoes, and when I got the “I’ll propose within 6 months” line, I got bullshit, and pulled the same, “WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME WAIT!” attitude… and he basically said, “Listen, I’m telling you that I’m going to propose to you and marry you and spend the rest of my life with you… so what difference does 6 months make?”

I think that’s how you need to start looking at it as well. It seems like the both of you are on the same page as far as committing to each other forever… so is six months really worth you feeling like you’re being tortured? He obviously has a good idea for a proposal… and I’m sure you’d rather the ‘fantasy’ proposal in 6 months over him just handing you the ring over because you won’t stop complaining about a 6 month wait.

Post # 5
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

And in response to “not a lot of exciting stuff happens as an adult”… You really need to start looking at this as a lifelong commitment… and not just a fun party to plan. Your threat (however idle it may be) to move out until he proposes will probably only get your farther away from a proposal.

With all the bitching us girls do over waiting for a ring… its amazing that guys propose at all.

Post # 7
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that you might need to take a step back. He has told you that he’ll propose within 6 months (that’s truly not that long) and he already has a plan as to how he wants it to happen. Nagging him about it is not going to let either one of you have your proposal fantasy. Focus on reminding him of all the reasons he’d want to spend his life with you. If you’re a great cook, make him an awesome meal. If it’s that you’re creative, make him something sweet. If you’re spontaneous, suprise him with tickets to a basketball game. All much better uses of your time then worrying about something that you already know is going to happen within 6 months.

Post # 10
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

6 months isn’t really that long- and remembrer , he said within 6 months- whic means it COULD happen tomorrow, next week, 3 weeks for now, etc. He could be giving you 6 month time line to throw you off. I would keep busy and let him do his thing.

Post # 11
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t know your back story so I can’t really judge, but if you believe that he really will propose within 6 months I would definitely just let this go. A lot of the engagement/wedding process is all about the bride. The proposal is kind of the one thing guys get to do all on their own, and I think that a lot of them (the really good ones!) get excited about doing it just right. In the span of a lifetime, 6 months is nothing. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

6 months isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, and like armychica06 said, it’s just a timeline. He could propose tomorrow or next month. I think you’re doing the right thing by making a conscious effort not to talk about the proposal. It would be terrible if in the end the proposal felt forced. Now that a proposal is on the way it’s time to get excited and occupy yourself until it happens (:

ETA: Maybe his proposal fantasy is something that he can only make spectacular for you on a certain day or month? My Fiance told me that his proposal has to be in a certain season and that’s the ONLY hint I’ve ever gotten haha. Don’t rush it, enjoy the time before you’re engaged. Maybe he can’t speed it up any more AND give you the proposal he thinks you deserve (:

Post # 14
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Impatiently waiting: you said… “what about my fantasy?! my fantasy that i wouldn’t have to wait around for my guy to propose?! my fantasy that he would just do in a timely manner and not torture me by making me wait?! what about that? i don’t think he’s looked at it that way.”

Girl… I agree with you 100% on this!! Just two days ago I basically said the same thing to my SO. He asked me why can’t I be happy that he’s happy about proposing. And I said because the way he is going about it is at the expense of my own happiness… and how could he be happy about that? 

I know there were a lot of “happy” in that statement hopefully you get what I mean.

And, by saying that to him, I think it might have registered something within him. He called me later on that night to say that statement was still in his head and he never thought about it that way… and that he feels horrible. Who knows if that would spur him into action, and I do feel bad about “guilty him,” (I wish it wasn’t that way)… but’s the truth!

@kimmylyn: I don’t agree with this statement you made “With all the bitching us girls do over waiting for a ring… its amazing that guys propose at all.” Yes, to an extent, we ladies need to give our men room to propose…  but I think you are gviing the men way too much credit. The sentence should be flipped to “With all the waiting men make women do for the proposal… its amazing that ladies even wait around for the proposal!.” You’re right, it’s more than just a party, its a lifelong commitment– so why should men have the freedom to play around with our emotions?

@maryjane: Thanks so much for sharing the link to your original blog post. For the most part, I could relate with your experience– except I don’t pester my SO about where he’s going, etc. I actually want to give him room to go ring shopping, considering we spend so much time together I don’t know when he’d have a chance.

Post # 15
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Before my Fiance asked me to marry him I couldn’t wait! Him and I talked about it quite a few times and he kept saying “maybe in 2012”.. but little did I know he had it planned all along! Try to be patient.. I know its hard but in the end you will be so happy!!

Post # 16
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Ms.Aum

Giving men way too much credit? I think they deserve a lot of credit for coming up with romantic, “fantasy”-style, loving proposals that their girlfriends will be so excited to have, even if they have to wait a few months for it.

I was with my Fiance for 5 years before he proposed… so trust me, I waited, and yes… I complained about it, too… but I never once thought that he was making me wait just to “play around with my emotions.” He was waiting for the right chance for him to do the proposal that he wanted to do. The proposal is the ONE thing that he gets to do. Let him do it his way.

I don’t mean to be snarky or non-supportive… and maybe once you get engaged and get married you can look back on this whole “waiting” thing and laugh about it (like I have)… but I just find the whole notion of girls who are absolutely dying to spend the rest of their lives with their FI  that then threaten to move out/break up with him just because he’s taking some time coming up with a great proposal pretty ironic.

 

@Impatiently Waiting

I’m sorry if you have felt unsupported or bashed through this website (as I read off of a different post of yours). That’s obviously not the point of these message boards. I think people (myself included) are only trying to offer another way of thinking about the situation. Sometimes we get so stuck in our own ways of thinking that its difficult to see others’ points of view. Hang in there, and I hope your proposal is everything you’ve hoped for when it happens.

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