(Closed) He wants to get married nxt yr no specific date

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

No that guy needs to MAN UP! Go to the courthouse or something. there is no need for the fluff of cerimony and engagement when the situation is like that. 

Courthouse. Fake Ring. Leave your current living situation. Man Up. NOW

Post # 4
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ok I get that we sometimes have to go through uncomfortable situations to get to the better future we are planning for ourselves but…This sounds unacceptable. You need to sit him down and get it though his thick skull that its time to step up and do what’s right for you and your children. Your current living situation is unlivable and he is the provider (So it seems from your post) so its time for him to figure out how to pay rent for two different apartments or sign the documents and take you to Texas. It sounds like you need to have a very blunt conversation with him maybe even recruit one of his friends to put things in perspective. It doesn’t sound like he is trying to do wrong by you just that his priorities are messed up.

And I agree with you that it is a bad decision to move to Texas without getting married. Especially because there are children involved. So stick to your convictions. And the very best of luck to you.

P.S. In your next post try to not italicize everything. It makes it very hard to read all that text on a slant.

Post # 5
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmmm…

Have you guys sat down and talked about a budget? A house, a ring, a car, they all cost money. You know that he wants to spend 4-5K on a ring, but what is he thinking for a house and car down payment? Perhaps once you have this information you guys can talk about setting a budget/savings plan and that way you can realistically look and see how much time it will take to save for these things. Since you guys are talking about marriage and living together, I would find some way to save for these things together. That doesn’t mean you have to have one savings account, but each of you should be saving towards your future together. And if it doesn’t work out, well then you’ve at least secured yourself a nice nest egg.

Also, is he aware of the time that it takes to plan a wedding? Perhaps you could google some suggested wedding timelines and show him so that he knows a wedding isn’t planned in a week. I think a lot of men don’t understand just how much goes into planning a wedding, so unless you are hitting up the courthouse and just signing some papers, there is some time that goes into planning. This could also help you guys set a timeline. Say it takes 6 months to plan, then he has until July to propose.

Just some thoughts for you 🙂 Hope it all works out.

Post # 6
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I really think that you’re letting your past experiences interfere with your relationship right now.

The only thing I would say I find at issue is if he makes unilateral decisions on everything without first discussing it with you.  But, when it comes to the ring, the proposal and all, I don’t see why you think you need a date for everything and to have everything planned.  He already said he’s planning to marry you next year and he’s told other people that, so it’s not like he’s just pulling your leg.  It sounds like he wants to get married next year but the bigger picture to him right now is this big move to Texas. 

I don’t understand why getting married is so important to you moving.  Personally, I am moving w/ my Fiance to another state, as well.  I told him I would prefer that we be “officially engaged” (ie: with a ring) if that’s what he’s planning to do BEFORE the move, just because I want to save face, but I am moving with him no matter what.  He, too, told me that he wants to get married sometime next year, but we haven’t set a date.  It’s also really hard to set a date when you haven’t pinned down the exact wedding that you want and spoken to the venue about the dates THEY have available. 

I think your SO is looking at the bigger picture – he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but right now he has this big move and transition going on and that’s coming up FIRST. 

If getting married is so important to you before the move, tell him you want to secretly elope and then have an actual wedding next year and just don’t tell anyone that’s what you’re doing.  I had a friend who did that because she wanted to live w/ her SO and her parents wouldn’t allow it without them getting married and so she told only like 2 of her friends, they went down and got married, had a small religious ceremony with her parents and then had a big wedding like a year and a half later when they had the time/money to plan. 

I don’t think your SO is in the wrong.  I think he wants to give you a better life – a new car, a nice house in Tx, a nice ring – and I think you’re rushing and pushing this wedding idea.  Sit back and enjoy the ride that is life.  You can’t rush and plan everything. 

Besides, you can plan now for a wedding next year, but with all the things that are coming up that are changing in your life right now, something is bound to change and effect your wedding plans. 

I’d say, give the guy a break and if you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, show him that devotion.  If getting married is so important, elope.  But really, what makes getting married SO important to you?  Aren’t his actions speaking loudly enough that he is trying so hard to give you a better life right now and wanting to be with you and the kids?  I think that commitment is enough.  Stop thinking about what happened with your ex and blaming your SO for your ex’s bad actions. 

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