- 6 years ago
Hi to all,
Ok here is my situation, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 yrs and we have a 1 yr old son, I have a daughter from a prev relationship and he has a son from a prev rela. We have both agreed that we are going to get married. He has accepted a really good job in Texas. So when he came to me about us moving there I explained to him that I would rather be married before I make that big move. He somewhat talked me into going ahead and moving with him because he doesn’t want to be that far away from me and the kids. So I agreed but later changed my mind back to lets be married because he would be moving me to Texas on just a promise that we will get married next year. So I am basically sticking to staying in AL while he works in TX because he said he is not ready to get married until 2013 due to him wanting to be on his job for a while and save money and so on. We were going to do the wedding thing but we decided to just get married in the Caymans and save money. Here is my issue, I asked if we can set a date on when we are getting married and he doesn’t want to set a date. He just keep saying we are getting married nxt yr. I feel as though that’s not fair to me because I’m just sitting here waiting when I feel as though that should be an agreed date. I’m constantly on the net trying to find housing for us in TX trying to get us prepared for the move and he says that I’m basically rushing things. He says he has a plan that he wants to go by and that I should just let him handle it. I don’t think that’s fair because my life is on hold for a year not alone us having to do a long distance relationship. He has announced to his family and friends that we are getting married but tells everyone that we will get back to them on a date.
I’m not trying to rush things I’m just a big planner and he is not. He likes to wait til the time comes which I keep explaining to him marriage doesn’t work that way. He wants to do this surprise proposal. I threw and idea out there as to why do we have to wait a whole year just to be married on black and white. I grew up in a very strict pentacostal household and my mother is really the one that advised me on that we need to be married before we move to TX which I do agree. To me I’m getting a little frustrated because he wants to do all the planning of our life which he does listen to every idea that I have but he feels as though I’m trying to rush everything. I’ve been engaged before and was in a relationship with my daughter’s father for almost 10 yrs and he called the wedding off and left for good because he decided he wasn’t ready. We were very young and I am very happy that we didn’t marry because I was just settling. I love my current boyfriend very much but we just don’t agree on business matters. He feels as though I rush things and plan too far ahead and I feel as though he is inexperienced in this area and he drags his feet too much.
Please give me some advice because I feel as though whats wrong with both parties sitting down and coming up with the plans for our life instead of just going off of one person saying let me handle this you can’t have your way all the time. He is a very good guy as to trying to make sure I’m happy and he will do anything for me but I think I deserve to know something instead of we are gonna get married next year. He won’t even let me in on the ring selection, what kinda vehicle he is getting me or anything. He bascially listens to what I want and say we will see when that time comes or that sounds good but let me handle this. I quit my job and moved back in with my parents so that I can handle all the planning and moving because of his work schedule that he will be working once he leaves. So I advised him that since he keeps leaving me hanging on everything or doesn’t want to plan things just yet, I’m going to focus on me right now and not just keep sitting at home waiting. Whats the point of me stressing myself out trying to have a part in these big transitions when he feels as though there is plenty of time. I live with my parents in their downstairs with no privacy and me and my 8 yr old daughter share a bed and my baby sleeps in his baby bed all in the same room. My bedroom is off of the den downstairs which is my dads man cave and he has company every weekend. My daughter can’t get any sleep neither can I because my son won’t sleep at night because of us being in a new environment. My personal opinion is that if I were the man in this situation I wouldn’t hesitate on getting my suppose to be fiance and children out of those living arrangements.
His whole thing his that he wants to get me a $4,000 to $5000 engagement ring, do a big surprise proposal, save up for a down pymnt on a house, buy a suv because i’m driving a little putt putt right now, and live happily ever after. That sounds very good but due to our current situation I feel like we can eliminate some of that.