(Closed) He wants to have a baby now..I want to wait!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1535 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm I can see both perspectives. I can understand why he wants them sooner rather than later but 23 is still really young and 30 isn’t exactly ‘over the hill’ ! Where I’m from the average age to have your first child is 30! And I definitely think you should finish school before having children – it would add so much unnesserary stress on top of all your work. He says he doesnt want to feel old when they graduate and I understand that but if you had children at 30- he would still only be in his early 50s at their graduation and that is definitely not old! Any chance you could compromise? Tell him you NEED to finish school before having children – minimum. But that you would consider it after finishing? – You can always start a career after children and often its better than starting a career and leaving 2-3 years into it to have children. But that is definitely a conversation for later, for now you need to focus on school. Also you want a new home – tell him that you want a home for children to grow up in and to do that you want to save more money first. 


Post # 3
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Girl, it’s YOUR body. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. You have at least 10 more fertile years, but career development, houses, etc. won’t come so easily with kids. Do NOT mommytrack yourself. If he loves you he will understand. Plus, take some time to be a couple and enjoy being married before expanding your family. At 23 and 24, you both are still young! Make time to travel, go to outrageously indulgent meals, create a “pre-baby bucket list” and check things off! 

That said, that’s coming from my perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. I busted my ass to get into a consulting firm and then busted it again to get into a top MBA program. If I had a kid, there’s no WAY I could have done that. While some of my family and friends were belittling me for being an “old bride” (at 28!) and not starting a family (“selfishly”, according to my sister), I think the most unselfish thing I can do for my future kids is to bring them into a family where they will have financial stability, two parents with masters degrees (paid off), and a successful female role model in their life. 

Bottom line: it takes two to tango, and if you are not ready, then it ain’t happening. Tell him to sloooowww his role. You have your whole lives ahead of you! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  steph5565.
Post # 4
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sfigu16:  We had reversed roles in this story. I wanted kids a while ago, he didn’t see the rush. I don’t have any good advice. We ended coming to a middle ground. We are trying now, which was mid way between when I wanted to and when he wanted to. But we are both established in our careers, not in school, no loans, etc. It was more of a mental hurdle for him. He’s come around 100% and is very excited about it now.

Hopefully you guys can come to some middle ground too. 🙂

Post # 6
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you are being reasonable. 30 is not too late to have kids. It’s your uterus. He should respect your goals and deal with it. There is an upside of more sleep, free time, money, etc. if you wait a while to have the kiddos.

Post # 7
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

30 is “too old” to have a baby? Well then I guess I’m WAY over the hill. *rolling my eyes*

I dunno what your boyfriend is thinking, but he definitely isn’t thinking clearly. You HAVE to have your education and be financially solid before bringing a child into this world. 

I’m not sure why your boyfriend is being so rigid and what the rush is. Please just make sure there are no alterior motives to him pressuring you to get pregnant. Some guys may do that so they can have a reason to control you. I’m not saying that’s what he’s doing; however, a man who truly loves you should respect his woman’s reasons to not want to get pregnant, and not pressure her.

Post # 8
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I was a mom at 23. There is no rush; once the kid is there, you cannot go back. You do not want to resent him or the child in the future. Express to him that you are not ready, and there is plenty of time. You have goals and dreams and wish to reach them first. Show him how expensive baby products are and articles about babies ad finances. Kids cost a lot to raise. The more money, the more you can give them… Hopefully, he will calm down and relax. I am still working on reaching my career goals at 30, and I am in school the same time as my son! Good luck!

Post # 9
33 posts

sfigu16:  I am waiting until after 30 too.  Good luck. Just talk it through.  My fiance agrees with me on starting after 30. 

Post # 10
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was 32 when I got pregnant with my son.  Iwas finshed with school and established in my career.  I am glad I did not have kids in my 20s!!!!!!

Post # 11
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

1) You are completely justified in wanting to wait. 

2) It is really helpful if you guys can get on the same page about this. It’s an important issue within a relationship & there’s a lot of potential for resentment down the line.

3) How about he stays home then?

Post # 12
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sfigu16:  Does he have a good understanding of what life would be like with a baby? IF not maybe volunteer him to baby sit if you have any close friends with kids or neices/nephews

You guys are really young! not too mention it will be so much harder to finish school once you have a kid.

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