- 5 years ago
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I am 30, he’s 37 and both of us know we want marriage and children. We were coworkers and friends for a few years… we knew intimate details about eachother’s lives and families before we ever kissed and since that first kiss, we’ve only grown closer. I love this man, even his flaws, but i think “the wait” is literally making me crazy and turning me into a person I don’t want to be.
he says he wants to get married but wants to live together before we get engaged. We both own houses, about 45 minutes from eachother. My brother lives with me. he is epileptic and has some serious mood/depression… our parents, who he was very dependent upon, passed away and I bought the house so he could live with me. my boyfriend does not want to move to my house (For reasons I understand and don’t fault him for). If I wanted to move in with my boyfriend, I’m sure a family member would take my brother in but I feel bad to put him out and burden my family, to “shack up” with my boyfriend, without an engagement. If I knew we were headed toward marriage, I’d feel a lot better about it.
i think my boyfriend should know by now if I am “the one”. I shouldn’t have to live with him and uproot by life and my brother’s, without a real commitment. Also, what is upsetting me moreso, is that I KNOW he can afford a ring. He is a really good saver… he could buy me a dozen ridiculous diamond rings and still have a nice savings. So the fact that he won’t just propose and stop putting me through this torture is making me resent him. If I lived with him, feeling this way, he would be living with a crazy lady… Not the real me.
I don’t want to sound conceited, but I know I’m a catch… I’m a very pretty girl, smart, successful, driven, family-oriented, easy to talk to, fun, generous, affectionate, I can cook my ass off (for the record, I’m normally very sane and generally laid back, up until recently when this started eating away at me). If I were him I would have proposed long ago. But this waiting is depleting my self confidence and making me really, really depressed. I can’t help but to wonder what I’m doing wrong.
why can’t he just buy the ring so our future can begin? I told him that I’m fine with living together before getting married but i want to be engaged before i commit to sell my house and move in. Still, he asks me when I’m moving in almost every time we’re together… And it’s starting to make me mad.
I can’t help but fear that he if he needs to “test drive” the relationship by living together, that he never will propose… That he might have some reservations and that wearen’t meant to be. what would you do?