He wants to MARRY me but I don't know his parents and siblings! HELP

posted 2 months ago in Intercultural
Post # 32
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

teacherlife2019 :  Also, what’s the rush? You’re both still in your 20s and haven’t been together for so long.

Post # 33
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee

First, I dont know anyone from Kenya, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. But I have known several men and women from Ghana and family approval is pretty huge part of the courting process and a big part of the culture, or at least it was in the late 90s. Yes, things may have changed and the countries are different, but it still strikes me as strange that you’ve never spoken to them and that they haven’t expressed curiosity to speak to you. I’d continue to prelss the issue.

Post # 34
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

When will he be done with school?

Ask him what the rush is. And keep pushing until he tells you.

1) Although it happens, it’s not very typical of a 25 year old man to be urgently pressuring his gf into marriage 2) then there’s the visa issue 3) the fact that he is going against cultural norms regarding family 

All three of those issues combined spells trouble 

You need to tell him you absolutely refuse to marry him until you know his family 

Post # 35
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

Trust your instints OP. If you feel something is off, it probably is. Its 2019, people all over the world have internet access. At a minimum he should be able to have a skype or whatsapp call. He’s probably married back home with a family and wants to stay in the United States after his Visa expires. You are still young. Don’t get tied to this man. 

Post # 36
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Yep, this all is very fishy.  It is like he is trying to pull a fast one on you by rushing this marriage thing without you meeting/talking to his family.  Something is up and I wouldn’t do ANYTHING until you meet that family.

Post # 37
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee

Not only have you not interacted with them, but there’s also no trace of you on his social media. That makes it sound like he’s hiding you from them as much as the other way around.

His motives could be really bad – like that he’s already married or he’s just after immigration status.  Or it could be slightly more innocent – like he’s arranged to be married, but doesn’t want to be. Or he knows that his parents won’t approve of him dating an American. 

I would tell him that you can’t continue on in the relationship without an explanation and/or an introduction. Something’s fishy. 

Post # 38
Member
10184 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

teacherlife2019 :  

What is he hiding?

How come he is so very eager to get married?

Post # 39
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Girl, this sounds shady AF!

Post # 41
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

teacherlife2019 :  Things are coming to a head, that’s what’s happening.  He can’t keep playing the avoidance game forever and he knows it.  He’s feeling the pressure.  IDK bee….this is erratic behavior and its worrying, please be careful.

Post # 42
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Bee, this all sounds highly suspicious. He refuses to introduce you to his family, even though he comes from a culture where typically it would be very important for you to meet his family. His visa is running out soon and he is suddenly pressuring you for marriage. Now he has all this strange behaviour when your dad is over. It does sound like he is using you for a visa or he is married back home or something else fishy.

Post # 43
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

teacherlife2019 :  I would tell him I don’t want to get married any time soon, and study his reaction. It may tell you plenty. I would also be suspicious of anyone he Skypes with, claiming to be family, at this point. He could have any woman call up and pretend to be his mother. Trust your dad on this one. Dad have built in radar when it comes to their daughters, and the men their daughters date. 

Post # 44
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

This is very strange. It seems like he is hiding something. I honestly wouldn’t proceed as this is extremely fishy as hell! 

Post # 45
Member
10184 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

teacherlife2019 :  

Bee, there is an olden days expression that was pulled out when someone was being a bit obtuse.  As the evidence piled up of that which the willfully blind did not want to see, someone would ask:  “What, does a house have to fall on you”?

Bee, dearest, a large condominium complex has fallen on you.

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