He wants to MARRY me but I don't know his parents and siblings! HELP

posted 5 months ago in Intercultural
Post # 46
6992 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

teacherlife2019 :  What is going on? I’ve never seen this from him.

What’s going on is that he’s nearing graduation and needs you to marry him so he can stay in the country. He is acting that way because he knows you’re onto him. Girl you are smarter than this. Obviously none of us are in your relationship so we can only go by what you post, but if it were me this is a relationship I’d be ending. You already know what the right thing to do is. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be posting here. 

Visa issues aside, no I wouldn’t marry a guy whose family I’d never met. Family is important to me, and if my partners family is important to them I would 100% expect to meet and know them. The expception to that would be if they were estranged but in all my years I’ve found no truer statement than “marry a person, marry their family”. 

Post # 47
1119 posts
Bumble bee

This behaviour is now more than just suspicious, it is concerning. Hiding from your dad? Worried about you both talking about him? I think you are correct in your idea that you should be seriously thinking about ending this relationship rather than trying to meet or talk with his parents.

Tell him you have thought hard and realised that you are not ready to be married to any one right now. I would not confront him at this point as it seems to me that he is becoming erratic and his desperation is rising to the surface. Just safely get yourself out of the relationship. 

Post # 50
761 posts
Busy bee

teacherlife2019 :  Does he expect you to sponsor him? If so, you could be financially responsible for him for up to ten years, even if you were to later divorce.

Post # 51
994 posts
Busy bee

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Next time he leaves the house, pack up your stuff and leave and then end things with him from a distance

Post # 52
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii

So I dated a pathological liar for a long time before I wised up. I wouldn’t give him any more time to introduce you to his parents. For all you know, the time could be to find people willing to pretend to be his parents. What does he need time for? 

Post # 53
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This seems highly suspect. Every serious relationship I’ve been, my boyfriends wants me to meet their families pretty early on. I realize that they are long distance, but if he is able to talk to them then you should be able to. I wouldn’t trust this situation at all. There are too many red flags. 

Post # 54
2669 posts
Sugar bee

Why didn’t you ask him why he needed time? You need to have a serious conversation, not just ask one or two questions. This just doesn’t make sense.

Post # 55
284 posts
Helper bee

Not even on skype? that’s weird to say the least. he’s either avoiding introducing you because there is something weird about the family, or it’s a way of delaying the proposal but keeping you with him. And maybe this is me being dramatic, but could it be a visa mariage? I’d insist on being introduced soon and if it doesn’t happen i’d see it as a red flag.


Edit: I went through the thread and this is borderline psycho. Please stay safe and get yourself out of it quickly. You can do so much better.

Post # 56
20 posts
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m Kenyan, so maybe I can provide some cultural context. Of course I can’t speak for all Kenyans but I can talk about my experience and those around me. Most Kenyan parents are pretty conservative, especially older ones (if he’s 25 I’m guessing his parents are 50+). Introducing someone to your parents is usually something you do only when the relationship is quite serious and heading towards marriage. So it would make sense why you haven’t met or talked to them in the past.

But now it seems like your relationship is getting quite serious, especially if he’s talking marriage, and this would be the time for him to introduce you to his parents and siblings. Like others have pointed out, it’s suspicious that he seems to be actively avoiding introducing you. It doesn’t seem like he’s being very honest. As others have pointed out, he may be trying to get out of visa issues. Be careful, and good luck!

Post # 57
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Bee, any updates on your situation? Did you get to meet the parents? 

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