(Closed) He wants to marry me, just not yet?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

If you’ve only been together a year and a half, then you’ve been together a year and a half, not 2. However, how old are you guys?

Post # 4
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sounds like he’s not even ready to be engaged. You shouldn’t get engaged if you dont feel ‘at peace’ with getting married yet; you get engaged to tell everyone you’re ready to get married, to plan a wedding, and to actually marry. If you get engaged but it’s a secret engagement until he’s ready, then you’re not actually engaged. You’re just fobbed off with a half hearted ‘shut up’ proposal. Xx

 

Post # 5
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

You all met in 2013 and then decided not to start dating for a year and a half. So for a grand total of 6 months you have been dating and engaged. Correct?

That isnt a long time. In fact I think your rushing. If you know he is the one and he knows you are the one then why are you afraid of waiting.

He wanted 2018 and you wanted 2016 so you both compromised for 2017. That sounds reasonable and now you want to back track.   You all have been together together as a couple for a grand total of 6 months. He is right to put the brakes on for a little bit until you all have settled into a reasonable relationship where you know everything you can know about someone before you marry and find out that things werent what you thought. 

Slow down and enjoy your relationship. Stop putting time lines ahead of whats really important. Would you rather marry now and find out down the road that something was off and get a divorce or would you rather marry later  with your eyes wide open and it last forever?

Post # 6
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Was there an engagement ring or a proposal? And how long had you been together when you said you were ‘engaged’? X

Post # 7
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

kittysoftpawz:  “My boyfriend and I met back in early 2013. We waited a year and a half before we started dating, and we were best friends that entire time and we talked the whole day, about any and everything.” 

It appears from her statement that if you do the calculation of 2013 and its 2015 and they waited a year and a half that its only been six months. Im confused why at 6 months she is in such a hurry.

 

Post # 8
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

How old are you?  It does seem like you’re rushing into things a bit and I think he feels that and is hesitant.  You’re right it’s not fair to you to be “engaged” with everything being secret and up in the air, but it’s not fair to him to be pushed into such a big decision that he’s not sure of yet.  What’s the rush?  If you think you’re going to be with this guy forever, it shouldn’t matter if you have to wait a little longer until he is really ready.  If you have only officially been together for 6 months you are not at the point of giving him an ultimatum IMO.  why not just relax a little and let the relationship take it’s natural course?

Post # 9
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like he’s just not ready.

Post # 10
Member
6836 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Add me to the other PPs’ confusion. With the timeline you laid out…you haven’t been dating 1 1/2 years. You’ve been dating just 6 short months. Way too soon to be this consumed with engagement talk. Also…a secret engagement? No no no. I’d never agree to anything like that. When exactly did he “propose?” Did he have a ring?

Post # 11
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

OP are you sure this was a real engagement? It sounds like he was kinda doing the whole…well when the time comes I want to get married here or at this location and I want to do this for a honeymoon. That isnt a real proposal., That to me sounds like couples talking about possibilities. 

My personal thought is that your rushing and he is trying to take things at a slower pace but you keep pushing and he is trying to make you happy. That is absolutely no way to make a relationship or marriage work. He said he wants to marry you but your to busy planning a wedding to focus on your relationship. My Darling Husband and I knew we wanted to marry each other 6 months into it..However we waited and got to know each other first and two years after serious dating we got married. However we would talk about wedding plans even before he proposed. Which he did 18 months after we started dating. Then after the proposal we did all the planning and payments and inviting things.

Post # 12
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

2015 – 2013 = 2. 

2 – 1.5 = .5, or 6 months. 

if he waited a year and a half to date you, I would expect at least double that amount of time before he’d be ready to propose. . .functioning off the assumption that stewing on a thing is his pattern. 

But right now, he’s clearly not ready, and you’re clearly chomping at the bit. If you want THIS man, wait. If you want MARRIAGE, find someone who is ready. 

 

Post # 13
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

Okay, I’m bad at math, but what? You met in early 2013 and didn’t date for a year and a half, so you started dating around mid-late 2014. And you’ve been engaged for six months, late 2015, which means you got engaged after about six months of dating. Slow your damn roll, girl. You’re not just in the honeymoon phase, you guys barely know each other.

If you’re at the point where you’re breaking up with boyfriends for hours at a time then you seriously have a lot of growing up to do before getting a legally binding document tangled up in your relationships. Saying that ending things with a boy you’ve been with for less than a year “isn’t an option” and that his wanting to actually talk about marriage in realistic terms is “dangling a steak in front of a dog” is so childish…

Post # 14
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

It’s not my place to judge, but I don’t understand relationships in which there’s an engagement with no intentions of setting a concrete date at the time of the proposal. Isn’t that what being engaged means… “engaged” in the process of planning for marriage?

OP, did he actually propose to you? Did he ask you to marry him, or did he just say that he’d like to marry you someday? In this situation, I’d say it’s time to slow down. He won’t set a date, he won’t tell anyone you’re engaged… It sounds like you’re not really engaged at all. There’s no reason to rush into marriage. Just relax and enjoy the journey.

Post # 15
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You accuse him of waiting till he’s good and ready like its a bad thing… But that’s absolutely what he should do. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. He doesn’t need a concrete reason.

If pp are correct and youve been dating 6 months… You need to back off! Don’t bring it up even for 6 months at least. 

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