Post # 1
This is a bit like another thread I see going around about whether or not he should pick out the engagement ring.
My situation is a little different.
My SO has adamently expressed that he wants to pick out my ring. I am not allowed to pick it out. He asked my input on metal, setting, and cut about 6 months ago. Since then, I have decided that I want a moissanite ring instead of a diamond and I’ve changed my mind about the setting that I want.
I’m attempting Mr. Bee’s waiting plan at the moment so I’ve been avoiding engagement/marriage discussions. But how do I tell him about my new ring choices without surprising him with whole discussion on it? Does telling a friend what you want and hoping he goes to her really work? What if he doesn’t go to a friend and just decides to do it himself?
He has bought me jewelry in the past that wasn’t really my style but I’ve learned to like it. Generally, he has good taste and I really would be happy with a bread tie wrapped around my finger if it means I get to marry him. I would just like to have a ring that I can love for the rest of my life and I’m not sure if he’ll be able to do it alone.
Post # 3
Personally i would just come right out and say, ” I know I said I liked this kinda ring, but I’ve totally changed my mind now and like a different style now…”
Post # 4
I agree with bells. Definitely talk to him before he chooses one and puts down a deposit or something! Gather info/pictures on the setting you like and tell him specifically why you like it better than the one you previously told him about.
Post # 5
I have changed to moissanite as well, and even changed my style… I simply printed out the ring and placed it on the cork board in our kitchen! 🙂 lol
Post # 6
I agree I think you need to tell him about your change of heart on the syle of ring you want.. Also maybe have someone you trust go with him.. mom, sister, best friends etc. But first and foremost be honest about what you want.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs. Just let him know that you have changed your mind. I think that you can do this without going into a discussion about marriage and engagement. Just a simple ” So I came across a different type of ring I like and just wanted to keep you updated. Here it is.” Just give him a picture or some details about it, such as where to get moissanite or what the style of ring is called. Then leave it at that.
Post # 8
You definitely need to bring this up. Just tell him in a few sentences, and end the conversation. If you don’t ask a ton of questions, it won’t be pressuring him. Moissanite v. diamond is a big deal, and could save thousands of dollars. If he buys you a diamond, you’ll lose money if you have to return it.
Post # 9
I think you should just email him links to like 5 moissanite rings you really like, let him read up on the stone & choose it himself. Then let the chips fall where they may & be happy with whatever he chooses… it sounds like it’s important to him & I think that’s sweet.
Post # 10
Unltimately I think since its a gift from Fiance and he wants to do it all himself you should let him.
Post # 11
It’s so funny to me how now it’s the norm to pick the ring. What’s the point then? If the whole thing is planned by you then marry yourself. It’s sweet that it means so much to him that he would want to take care of it. You should feel lucky he’s expressing a want at all, as so many are complaining about waiting all together.
Post # 12
My Fiance totally banned me from the ring hunt so I understand your feelings. He has great style, has bought me only ONE other piece of jewelry that I didn’t love but learned to like and I was nervous. In the end, I gave him the info he asked of me and let it go. It turned out just fine. I always thought I didn’t want a princess cut and when I saw that that’s what he chose I had an internal tantrum for about 45 minutes. Then, I loved it because he chose it, and moreso because what it meant. If the ring you now like is COMPLETELY different, then perhaps you can just drop a hint. But if the look is the same just you prefer moisannite I wouldn’t say anything.
Post # 13
@mwitter80: I agree with you. I actually think its kind of sad that when a man decides he wants to ask a woman to marry him, decides to spend his hard earned money on a ring which is unltimately a gift and not a god given right & the woman feels the right to tell him what to buy her. If I was man and my Girlfriend did that to me I would say see ya later. I guess I’m just more traditional & like the romance associated with how things used to be.
Post # 14
i let my husband pick out my ring but that doesnt mean i didnt have suggestions- like yours, he asked me what cut i liked and what styles – i showed him a few pictures (we only went and tried on rings once at a store that was WAYYY out of budget so i showed him pictures instead)
i was really happy that i didnt pick out my ring and i couldnt be happier with the ring the got – he listens really well.
i know my husband prides himeslf on my ring, when people comment on it or he catches me staring at it still i can tell he feels joy in that even though i gave him suggestions about what i liked. ultimately he picked it out – i just helped point him in the right direction – i really had no clue what my ring looked like prior to proposal
i think you should just tell him – you dont have to be like “i want this exact ring” but def show him some options of a cut you like or a particular style. some guys want the help and more than anything they want you to love your ring.
Post # 15
Well, I am in the same boat but I love that he wants to pick it out.. I mean how many women can say that their ring was 100% picked out by the man we get to marry? So many women got to choose theirs but I personally think it means more when it’s something he chose.. I mean, it is a gift, right? We don’t tell people what we want, how we want it and etc for christmas do we? Why do it to our STBH? 🙂