Post # 1
My bf of 6 months is romantic, sweet and treats me well. He wants to take me to his favorite vacation spot in June, a place where he and his ex wife vacationed to every Summer. I told him it sounds nice, but it seems it would be hard for him to go there and not reminisce on things he did with his ex. It’s a small place in New Mexico, so it’s not like an entire country or city. He says he just really loves it there and he will keep his memories to himself (he is an oversharer and is the type that would say, “oh here is where V and I got caught in the rain, where we loved to eat, etc.”) He is very sentimental, which is great most of the time. But I know he has a special place in his heart for said memories. it’s been 2.5 years since they have been together and they were married 11 years. 11 summers I feel I have to compete with. Not to sound immature, but i dont want to go! He is sad about it and says he will just go alone if I choose to stay home. We have both travelled a lot and this is seriously his favorite place of all time and he wants to make new memories there with me.
Am I being a baby? We are an older couple, 34 and 45 years old. We are very happy otherwise!
Post # 3
I totally understand your reluctance. But, if it has come to the point that he is going to go by himself, I suggest you graciously go with him.
After all, I doubt you would write off Paris, London or Rome in the same situation.
Let him share what he loves with you.
Post # 4
I put a stop to that, for the same reasons. My fiance had taken his ex many places that he wanted to share with me as well…I went along for a few,as they were good vacation spots..and we had a great time. but then I got tired of hearing “oh we stayed here, we did this”. I started to put my foot down… It’s annoying and you have every right to want to make new memories in uncharted territories. We even didn’t get married at a paticular place becuase of an “experience” to put it lightly they both shared in the gardens there.
Post # 5
No. He needs to pick a new and unique spot for you guys as THIS IS A NEW AND DIFFERENT relationship. Period.
Agree w/ Khalessi3 re “tired of hearing, oh we stayed here, we went there” or whatever. Right, buddy, but “you and I” are not “she and I”. Foot = Down.
Why are men so dense?
Post # 6
Thank you so much for the replies, the problem is that it’s so close to his hometown. he is taking me there anyway, so it would seem dumb to just avoid the place completely. I agree that men are pretty dense. I feel in a way that if I just screwed him in every single corner of the resort, it would trump all former memories, lol.
Post # 7
I don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand, I totally understand your BF’s position. There is one place in the world that I LOVE. I feel like I have a special attachment to that place, but I was first introduced to it by the man I loved before I met my husband. I would be very sad if I could never go there again. It’s not about the memories I shared there with my ex, it’s the place and the feeling of the place and wanting to share that with my husband. On the other hand, I could understand how my husband could feel insecure that I have a lot of memories of being there with my ex. It’s a tough one, for sure, and I’m sorry I don’t have any advice.
Post # 8
Maybe you could find out what he especially loves about this place and find a similar spot?
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
I would go with him, since you are going to his hometown anyway, but then sugest that the next time you guys go for a weekend away go somewhere completely new to the BOTH of you. 🙂
Post # 10
@indigo_love: I wouldn’t be happy about it but if the options were go with him or he goes alone, I’d go and try to make new memories with him there.
I’d ask nicely if we could just go somewhere ELSE though, and cut that place out. If he REFUSED to do that, I’d go with him.
Post # 11
I don’t think he’s being dense at all – the fact that women on this thread have differing opinions show that it’s not just a “guy thing.” I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t try it. Make an agreement with him that if you go there once and feel uncomfortable, then you don’t have to go there again. It’s his favorite spot and it’s near his hometown. Like you said, it would be weird to completely avoid it.
Post # 12
It’s a hot springs resort. He is getting irritated about my insecurities. There are not too many places like this. He has already gone one time since his divorce, where he went alone. He plans on going with or without me. I am being very non-bitchy about this, bu I hate when he tells me that I have to accept that his marriage was 11 years long and they did a LOT of traveling together. I told him not to rub it in. Im pissed and jealous that they shared so much and all I have is 6 months of his life. It’s all my own crap… Nothing to do with him.
I agreed to go, and he is happy. Its all i can do to not look psychotic and insecure. He is psyched. I cant help but wonder how he can take me there and not feel sentimental about his marriage. he laughed and said that’s just crazy. He is going because the place is very special
Post # 13
Gurl! He’s looking 6 months into the future and still sees you by his side! He wants to take you on a vacation!
Go for it!!!!
Post # 14
He’s going to go anyways even if you don’t go? That is just weird to me…it’s one thing if he enjoyed the place so much he wants to share it with you but if he said he will go alone anyways…I don’t know that just doesn’t sit well with me. I would think that he is trying to re-live those moments. I mean why would he need to go there alone in the first place if it’s supposed to be a vacation.
I completely understand why you’d be uncomfortable with it. It sounds lousy!
Post # 15
@indigo_love: i agree with you 100% i def would not go.
new relationship new memories ; ) i would tell him no and if he has a problem with it its a red flag. at least your only 6mon in.
Post # 16
It’s a big world out there with a lot to see.
I think you guys should find a new amazing spot to build memories. I wouldn’t be cool with what he’s doing!