(Closed) He wants to take me to him and exes vacation spot

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
46600 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I totally understand your reluctance. But, if it has come  to the point that he is going to go by himself, I suggest you graciously go with him.

After all, I doubt you would write off Paris, London or Rome in the same situation.

Let him share what he loves with you.

Post # 4
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I put a stop to that, for the same reasons. My fiance had taken his ex many places that he wanted to share with me as well…I went along for a few,as they were good vacation spots..and we had a great time. but then I got tired of hearing “oh we stayed here, we did this”. I started to put my foot down… It’s annoying and you have every right to want to make new memories in uncharted territories.  We even didn’t get married at a paticular place becuase of an “experience” to put it lightly they both shared in the gardens there. 

Post # 5
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

No.  He needs to pick a new and unique spot for you guys as THIS IS A NEW AND DIFFERENT relationship.  Period.  

Agree w/ Khalessi3 re “tired of hearing, oh we stayed here, we went there” or whatever.  Right, buddy, but “you and I” are not “she and I”.  Foot = Down.  

Why are men so dense?

 

Post # 7
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t know how I feel about this.  On one hand, I totally understand your BF’s position.  There is one place in the world that I LOVE.  I feel like I have a special attachment to that place, but I was first introduced to it by the man I loved before I met my husband.  I would be very sad if I could never go there again.  It’s not about the memories I shared there with my ex, it’s the place and the feeling of the place and wanting to share that with my husband.   On the other hand, I could understand how my husband could feel insecure that I have a lot of memories of being there with my ex.  It’s a tough one, for sure, and I’m sorry I don’t have any advice.

Post # 8
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe you could find out what he especially loves about this place and find a similar spot?

Post # 9
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I would go with him, since you are going to his hometown anyway, but then sugest that the next time you guys go for a weekend away go somewhere completely new to the BOTH of you. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@indigo_love:  I wouldn’t be happy about it but if the options were go with him or he goes alone, I’d go and try to make new memories with him there.

I’d ask nicely if we could just go somewhere ELSE though, and cut that place out. If he REFUSED to do that, I’d go with him.

Post # 11
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think he’s being dense at all – the fact that women on this thread have differing opinions show that it’s not just a “guy thing.” I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t try it. Make an agreement with him that if you go there once and feel uncomfortable, then you don’t have to go there again. It’s his favorite spot and it’s near his hometown. Like you said, it would be weird to completely avoid it. 

Post # 13
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

Gurl! He’s looking 6 months into the future and still sees you by his side! He wants to take you on a vacation!

Go for it!!!!

Post # 14
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He’s going to go anyways even if you don’t go? That is just weird to me…it’s one thing if he enjoyed the place so much he wants to share it with you but if he said he will go alone anyways…I don’t know that just doesn’t sit well with me. I would think that he is trying to re-live those moments. I mean why would he need to go there alone in the first place if it’s supposed to be a vacation.

I completely understand why you’d be uncomfortable with it. It sounds lousy!

Post # 15
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@indigo_love:  i agree with you 100% i def would not go.

new relationship new memories ; ) i would tell him no and if he has a problem with it its a red flag. at least your only 6mon in.

Post # 16
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s a big world out there with a lot to see.

I think you guys should find a new amazing spot to build memories. I wouldn’t be cool with what he’s doing!

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