Post # 1
Well, we aren’t married yet, but that’s neither here nor there. Several months ago he started hinting at the idea of trying for a baby. I was open to it but just kinda smiled and nodded and giggled and ‘oh yeah ok…’ because I thought he was teasing. Then a couple months ago we talked and came to the decision that YES, it was time to TTC. He was ALWAYS beyond excited, always hinting at babies, always having long talks, dreaming about what it’ll be like etc etc. Once I stopped BC it was the same way, and then a week or two of no comments, then back to excitement.
This last month though, he hasn’t mentioned it one single time. We aren’t SUPER SUPER trying, more like, letting it happen, but his complete DROP in comments of any kind has me nervous that now he’s reconsidering. We also went from having sex 4-5x a week (which was normal) to once, IF that…I truly believe 99% of it is work stress. He has had a ROUGH month and a half or so, and it’s practically made him ILL he’s so stressed. I’m near positive that’s what it is. But a teeny part of me is worried that now that it’s ‘GO TIME’, that he’s stressed about TTC.
I’m BEYOND excited and kinda obsessed with TTC and how to try to make it happen yesterday lol, but he’s been so stressed at work that I’ve kept it on the low down for the most part because I don’t want him to stress or think of it as a chore. I know it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.
I know what you’re thinking….’JUST TALK TO HIM’. Honestly though, I’m truly just curious if anyone elses hubbies were/are the same way, with giant swings on the excitement scale, or if I’m just overthinking it? I don’t want him to think that now that we agreed, it’s 100% about baby making mode and he is simply here to serve his baby-making purposes lol. I’d LOVEEEEE to have a baby right now this second, but he is my best friend and partner in life. I am more concerned with his well-being, than making a baby right this second. I just want it to be the right time for both of us, and maybe getting through this work hump is what he needs.
Interested to hear anyone else’s experience
Post # 2
My husband isn’t one to get super excited about anything. When we realized it was taking us awhile to conceive, I would say his eagerness to have sex during my fertile window was less there, but I realized we needed to make the environment more relaxed again. It’s hard to talk about babies when there actually isn’t one on the horizon yet. We got pregnant last cycle after 6 months of NTNP, and only then did we really start talking like there was a baby on the way, just to lose the pregnancy a week later… now it’s back to radio silence because who knows when it’s going to happen.
ETA – FWIW it took us 9 months to conceive our daughter during our first TTC journey.
Post # 3
You know your husband best of course but it sounds like you’re overthinking it. The longer TTC goes for you the less excitement there’s gonna be every month…it quickly becomes routine. If you’re doing things like temping/OPKs, then it’s also gonna be way more on your mind than your husband’s because those are things having to do with your body. All he has to do is ejaculate a few times a month when you tell him it’s go-time…doesn’t really require a lot of thought lol.
When we were TTC, my husband pretty much never mentioned anything about it after the first one or two times we BD’d during our first cycle when we were both a little giddy about CREATING LYFEEEE. Throughout TTC, it was pretty much me steering the ship, i.e. “I’M OVULATING LETS GET THIS DONE” “OK BABE.” rinse & repeat…month after month lol.
Post # 4
Haha exactly. And I do NOT want to make it that way…until we get to that 1yr mark, I’m not going to stress him out or me in the process. I am not temping, I DO take OPKs but he doesn’t know that lol ;). I simply make comments around that time like ‘ohh hey guess what babe, I’m pretty sure THIS is the best time”. He’s got some travel obligations that kinda blew up the plan a little because last month and this month, he’ll be gone at prime time, but we’ll just have to BD before and after and hope for the best. It’ll still kinda be in the window, but not the most optimal days…
Post # 5
TTC is stressful and it’s normal to have waves of excitement and then total terror. We’re going tomorrow to pop in one of our frozen embryos (so CLEARLY we’ve been planning this) and we still have moments of “oh shit this is gonna happen”. Being nervous doesn’t mean you aren’t ready or don’t want it though.
Post # 6
I think if you’re going into this fine with a low pressure approach, it’s perfectly normal not to get super excited and talk about all things baby. I would just talk to him. But if he’s still down to BD 4-5 times a week, he’s probably still excited.
Post # 7
I think you should find out when work is going to mellow out a little and plan to run away with him, whether a baby right then is feasible or not. Go to a spa if he’s open to that… nice massage and some nighttime fun, if you will. He clearly needs a break.
Its probably not a big deal that he’s stopped talking about it. No way would I be wanting to think about babies and stress at work at the same time. It’s overwhelming! As long as he’s content to do the deed, even if less frequently, it’s best to relax about it.
Im fairly sure my husband was in silent panic mode throughout. He’s younger than me and often wishes our ages were reversed so he’d have more time to prepare for major life changes. I had to push due to age. It wasn’t going to wait any longer. We are waiting for our second now (I’m 38) and he’s worried we will be overwhelmed (no parents nearby to lend a hand). I figure we will take it in stride just like before. Tired but capable. But even though he’s concerned and knows it’ll be a bit of a nightmare, I also know he’s not sorry that we are doing this.
And I think you two will be fine, too.
Post # 8
It was so much work the first time, we were TTC for almost a full year so it drained both of us. This time around we got pregnant w/o trying and was so relieved haha. For the man its all exciting in the beginning but after awhile its just a chore because no one wants to feel pressure to “preform”
Post # 9
He’s probably just stressed about work. I’d ask him though… “How are you feeling about trying to make a baby… nervous? Excited? BOTH??!” I like asking open-ended questions to prompt my husband to spill his guts.
We TTCed for the first time before we were married too. My hubs definitely mentioned babies fairly frequently during the process, and we had a lot of sex. We were lucky to conceive quickly both times, and he joked that he wanted more time to work on it!
Post # 10
That is a good suggestion…just kinda open the door for the discussion if there’s one to be had. Good idea 🙂