Post # 1
That’s right! He was going to propose!
A conversation about my Boyfriend or Best Friend giving me a ring with a very expensive diamond that happened to be his ex-fiance’s had come up about 2 years ago. He asked me in general conversation if I thought it was ok to “re-use” a ring. Naturally I said it wasn’t ok. A woman deserves something that her fiance picks out just for her.
Come to find out 2 years later that He was going to propose but after that conversation he thought I was too selfish to get a ring!!
He failed to mention in the first conversation that he was going to only recycle the stone and make a new ring for me himself using the old stone. It is an expensive diamond, so it would make sense to make good use of it. Why have thousands of dollars laying around in a diamond locked in a box?
Honestly, I would have never have even known it was the same stone even if he did make me something new. He didn’t have to say anything to me about it. I am so hurt! I feel bad that I hurt his feelings but then again, he could have just made the ring and I would have never questioned it!
I think he needed an excuse not to propose.
Post # 3
That does sound like an excuse. If that was his only issue, and you just cleared it up, is he all ready to propose right now?
Post # 4
Umm.. I dont know how many women would want a ring that her bf picked out for an ex fiance! He’s a quite in the wrong to say it was selffish imo! Reusing a diamond is quie different than reusing whole ring.. I suppose unless you actually have the same taste and said that you like that particular ring/style in a picture or something.
Post # 5
If you didn’t want that ring he could just have easily have sold it and used the money to buy a different one or traded it in or something – it sounds like by using that as a reason to think you’re selfish and to tell you that’s why he didn’t propse – he is playing games.
Post # 6
So it has taken him 2 years to move on from thinking your selfish? Sounds like he’s just lazy.
Post # 7
I agree with all the ladies above
Post # 8
I agree it sounds like an excuse. He needed 2 years to decide you weren’t quite so selfish afterall?? It also strikes me as incredibly immature to ask a question like that, without any context, and then to punish you for an honest answer when you had no idea you were participating in what seemed to be a secret test.
Post # 10
@KatM:I agree. If it were me I would sit down and seriously think about whether or not I really wanted to marry someone thats going to behave like that.
OP its not selfish or wrong not to want an ex’s ring (using the stone in a new setting is fine). You didnt do anything wrong here its his fault for not following up on his question.
Post # 11
We talked last night. He agreed that he should have communicated with me a little more when he asked about the ex-ring. When I said NO I will not have another woman’s ring he thought it was a done deal and a no to everything. He didn’t want me to be upset if I found out he used the stone.
I gave him all of my diamonds years ago from my previous marriage to use as he wishes. He could sell them or use them in some way it didn’t matter to me. When I asked him if he was going to use the diamonds I had given to him, He responded with “I really hadn’t thought about it.”
He did say that he was happy to know that I was ok with using the diamond. He appologized for not explaining things a little more but, he didn’t want to give away too much information.
It is really frustrating to me that it took 2 years for him to open up about all of this.
Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing?
Post # 13
You are one patient woman to wait 2 years before the converstaion even came up again.
Post # 14
Two years is a crazy amount of time to be holding all of this in. Please don’t let something go this long again without talking about it!
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2014 - my mother's amazing garden
Wait…. why did you give him your diamonds?!?! Ummm… for what purpose. And it sounds like you need to clarify with him what his intentions are NOW…
Post # 16
This one leaves me with a hummm in my mind. This sounds like an excuse to me just like the other ladies said. If was ready to propose to you 2 years ago did he spend the next two years saving up for a ring for you or did he just rested on his laurels all this time? There is nothing wrong with saying, “I don’t want your tired old ex’s ring from your failed marriage” even if it is huge. If he used the words selfish I’d be evaluating a lot more than just the ring situation.