He was out all night again

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee

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vee323 :  Best case scenario, your fiancé doesn’t care about your worries or opinion and keeps going out with coworkers or friends until all hours of the night. He’s not going to change because of his age and his actions. 

Worst case scenario, he’s cheating, going to a strip club and/or hiding a gambling addiction. Or possibly into some sort or crime/drug related activity. 

Grown ass men don’t stay up that late on a regular basis and lose track of time. Men that age in a committed relationship should care about their partner enough to make it home and focus on what’s really important. 

I’m sorry Bee. I wouldn’t be able to deal with all of that. 

Post # 32
Member
3674 posts
Sugar bee

I would not put up with this at ALL. He’s acting like he’s 20 and then gaslighting you about it. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. It will be incredibly hard, but please dump this guy. You will find someone who respects and loves you.

Post # 34
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

He handed you the phone lol….Yea because he deleted everything. Go on his phone account and see everything that he deleted. Oh girl he has a side piece. And I highly doubt two grown men go out for coffee and wee hours of the night. Bee I am sorry this is still happing to you. He is just not going to change.

Post # 35
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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vee323 :  

What do you mean he *saw you on this site* ?

The phone means nothing.  Nogoodniks know how to cover their tracks. Ever hear of Snapchat?

He’s not out having coffee with his buddies.  If he can pull that one off with a straight face, he’s in the wrong job.  Pack his stuff and send him to Hollywood.  He’s Oscar material.

Bee, he’s a Frat Boy. Fair enough.  The problem is, you want a husband and father.  This is a square peg, round hole thing.

Post # 37
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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vee323 :  

Bee, that’s yet another sign of obnoxious immaturity.  He has absolutely no right to be talking to his brother or anyone else about your relationship.  And he’s trashing you to a third party?  WTAF? This is absolutely unacceptable behavior.  It has nothing to do with you caring to much about what anyone thinks.  He’s awful.

And, if he’s interested in what you’re doing online, a grownup *asks*.  They do not peer over your shoulder.  And, you retain the right to choose to answer or not.

This guy is ill mannered and childish.

Post # 39
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

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vee323 :  when you call him while he’s out, does he consistently answer? 

Post # 41
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

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gryffinfoot :  really? Like…really? Caffeine is not the issue here.

Post # 42
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

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vee323 :  he “usually ” answers at the end of the night? You need to call 1-2 hrs after he leaves. See if he answers. Also when my FH’s phone dies, he gets his friends phone and let’s me know that THIS is the new phone to call him on if I need him. If his phone died, there’d be a fucking problem. And I would die of laughter if he tried to tell me he’s doing everything right by calling. Look at all our responses, this is not okay!! Stand up for yourself, not with words, but with your absence. Idk how old you are, but I’m telling you this is very, very typical side piece behavior. Textbook. I’d have a psycho bff check on him. But that’s just me. Proof makes it easier to leave.

Post # 44
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee

I only have one anecdote, so take it with a grain of salt. My friend got involved with a guy who is the same age as your fiance who has a girlfriend of I think 5 or 6 years. (He wasn’t super clear in the beg that he wasn’t single). He was definitely a bad news kind of guy when it came to this. 

He also had a tendency to get drunk and go out with the guys and stay home all night. Even when my friend wasn’t around, he would occasionally say he envied his friends who had girlfriends they actually wanted to go home to. 

He wasn’t always cheating on her when he was out all night, but the thing is he did it so often that when he was in fact hanging out with my friend, it was easy to hide from his girlfriend. 

He was also smart enough to cover his tracks. He never saved my friends number to his phone (she saw this once much later after it ended), we suspect he probably deleted texts, and he mostly contacted her via email and was careful not to flirt much there. 

I’m not saying your fiance is cheating, but I’m saying he has a setup that would make it easy to hide. 

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